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Original poster

Lesser endowed and ed stuff

97 replies

famousforwrongreason · 26/10/2020 17:08

Copied from Sex topic as More traffic:

Probably don't need to post here as probably made Up my mind but sharing anyway.
Started seeing a new guy, lots of fun and laughter, great build up to sex and lots in common.
Sex: discovered that he has a much smaller penis than I have ever dealt with. And also trouble staying hard. I put the lack of erection down to nerves and the few times we've tried he's mentioned his age (not old) and some trumped up mumbling about lack of testosterone.
I feel like an absolute cunt for being disappointed in his penis size but I think if he could maintain an erection we could probably make the sex work as the few (brief) occasions he's been hard in me it's felt good.

He's also made it very clear that he can complete when sorting himself out away from me and 'was' into porn but since meeting me is 'not wanking when away from me anymore.'
Also he wanted to get into quite full on stuff early on, all stuff I enjoy but I'd prefer to build up to it than do it all on the first night.

Annoying as we'd got really close as friends prior to this and were really enjoying where it was going, the sexual tension has been immense.

I had expressed concerns that we got on so well, what If we're not compatible in bed and he said he had worried about it too.
I don't think I can take another guy who can't finish when he's with me. My exh was a porn addict And I ended up quite damaged by never being able to turn him on.
I am probably just offloading here but grateful to discuss. Very hard (lol) to discuss with friends as don't want to be slating his size and performance and risk it getting back to him

OP posts:
lollipoprainbow · 26/10/2020 20:01

What sort of age is he? I've had this with someone recently too.

PatsyJStone · 26/10/2020 20:17

I had a short term relationship with a man (30) who had quite a small one. I couldn’t really feel it and I felt very uncomfortable, couldn’t talk about it and he didn’t initiate any conversation either that acknowledged the situation. He had a two years relationship prior and I assume it must have been more successful. Don’t think there was any porn involved. He was the smallest and softest I’ve ever encountered and I just think that is how he was always going to be unfortunately.

billy1966 · 26/10/2020 20:19

@TwentyViginti

GP friend of mine with son's a similar age, is seeing more and more men in their late 20' presenting with ED problems through watching porn.

Sadly, this doesnt surprise me. Also an upsurge with young women with anal injuries.

So I believe.

Apparently there is a perception amoung some sexually active teens it's "safe sex"...aka no chance of pregnancy.

Just awful.

Alongwayfromeverything · 26/10/2020 20:27

@TwentyViginti

Alongwayfromeverything OP states

Also he wanted to get into quite full on stuff early on, all stuff I enjoy but I'd prefer to build up to it than do it all on the first night.

Not so nervous then.

None of this means he’s not nervous
Alongwayfromeverything · 26/10/2020 20:29

You can still want to get ‘full on into stuff’ and then have performance anxiety about the whole thing.

There’s a severe lack of understanding on here about men and the psychological side of sex and desire.

JaffaCake70 · 26/10/2020 20:30

@TwentyViginti

Another porn casualty. So common now.
Agreed. The same issue played a part in the end of my last relationship, he just wasn't interested in me anymore. It takes a lot more effort to make love to a woman than it does to have a 5 min wank to porn hub....

Porn separates the men from the boys IMHO.

JaffaCake70 · 26/10/2020 20:34

Also an upsurge with young women with anal injuries

Shocking. Such a depressing sign of the times.

TwentyViginti · 26/10/2020 20:35

@Alongwayfromeverything

You can still want to get ‘full on into stuff’ and then have performance anxiety about the whole thing.

There’s a severe lack of understanding on here about men and the psychological side of sex and desire.

OP doesn't need to psychoanalyse this man. It's his problem to sort out.
Sandii · 26/10/2020 20:40

End it before you decide you like him too much to end it. Sex is only a problem when it is a worry ...size can be worked around but hang-ups and overcompensating with extremes, needs to be picked apart by a sex therapist not a girlfriend .

Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 26/10/2020 20:42

Thank you @TwentyViginti I won't be attempting to psychoanalyse him, tool much like hard work, I'm too long in the tooth to try and fix a bloke

OP posts:
Alongwayfromeverything · 26/10/2020 21:13

I’m not suggesting psychoanalysing him. I’m suggesting that if everything else is good then a bit of understanding in the bedroom would go a long way.

If this was a woman with sexual confidence issues or a bit of her body that wasn’t ideal, the responses would be totally different. There is so much jumping to conclusions going on here.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 26/10/2020 21:25

And we have some mansplaining going on, about why you should just get on with it Hmm

Alongwayfromeverything · 26/10/2020 21:35

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants

And we have some mansplaining going on, about why you should just get on with it Hmm
Yes, because I’m suggesting something different from the usual mumsnet bingo (select all that apply from: porn/death grip/LTB/must be having an affair etc.), I must be ‘mansplaining’...

It’s a forum. It’s for discussing opinions. Clearly that seems to be beyond you. Enjoy your narrow frame of reference.

SoulofanAggron · 26/10/2020 21:37

I’m not suggesting psychoanalysing him. I’m suggesting that if everything else is good then a bit of understanding in the bedroom would go a long way.

@Alongwayfromeverything He's going on about wanting them to have threesomes etc, after shag 1 or 2. Shock Don't get me wrong, I've done all that, but it would be a real turn off to hear first thing in a relationship, it'd make it sound like he was only interested in 'sex.'

Alongwayfromeverything · 26/10/2020 21:42

@SoulofanAggron

I’m not suggesting psychoanalysing him. I’m suggesting that if everything else is good then a bit of understanding in the bedroom would go a long way.

@Alongwayfromeverything He's going on about wanting them to have threesomes etc, after shag 1 or 2. Shock Don't get me wrong, I've done all that, but it would be a real turn off to hear first thing in a relationship, it'd make it sound like he was only interested in 'sex.'

I missed the threesome suggestion. That is a bit fucking far tbf. Talk about running before you can walk...
Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 26/10/2020 21:59

@Alongwayfromeverything, as mentioned in the op or thereabouts, he said he was watching porn regularly prior to us starting too see each other.
I'm not jumping to any conclusions, I have had the same experience more than once with different men. It may not be your experience but I have no reason to invent difficulties.

It wasn't even just a threesome, it was a litany of example scenarios including a gangbang

OP posts:
Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 26/10/2020 22:00

Just to clarify, I do not want too be part of a gangbang situation

OP posts:
Alongwayfromeverything · 26/10/2020 22:08

@famousforwrongreason

Just to clarify, I do not want too be part of a gangbang situation
Jesus that’s totally fair enough
Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 26/10/2020 22:09

@Sandii

End it before you decide you like him too much to end it. Sex is only a problem when it is a worry ...size can be worked around but hang-ups and overcompensating with extremes, needs to be picked apart by a sex therapist not a girlfriend .
Brilliant comment @Sandii I have stayed too long in ipaat with people with serious issues and thought I could support/ nurture/ understand/ love them better. Thinking I'd I give them kindness etc they'll have a strong base from which to access therap. I don't have that capacity anymore. I'm not without my own issues and health problems and I would completely understand if a man was put off me because of them. In fact I have been ghosted by a guy once he found out the finer points of my disabilities. I understand why he wasn't interested but the ghosting thing was a bit lame/ limp Grin
OP posts:
TwentyViginti · 26/10/2020 22:11

@famousforwrongreason

Just to clarify, I do not want too be part of a gangbang situation
That would indeed be most unseemly, if no formal introductions were forthcoming beforehand.

What a fantasist he is.

Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 26/10/2020 22:25

I wrote a long reply about the fantasist element but it didn't post.
To cut a long story short, I'm aware that it's not uncommon for men with ED to have cuckold type fantasies so I let him do a bit of riffing on the subject as thought it might help build his confidence back up.
his scenarios weren't really doing it for me but his reaction was, if you get my drift.
So I kinda let him get caught up in the moment and thought if it comes up again I'll just say it's not my bag.
He also took things further than I usually would in a first shag but I needed something to detract from the penile disappointment.

when subsequent sex turned out to be spectacularly damp squib I felt that I couldn't keep up with such an array of sexual scenarios and experiences, having already gone to these places so early in the process.

OP posts:
Greeneyes78 · 26/10/2020 23:33

Fuck. That.

BurbageBrook · 26/10/2020 23:37

When I got with my current partner we had the same issue. It's hardly ever a problem now. Turns out the ED was principally caused by nerves and psychological. Lasted a good few months but got better and better.

BurbageBrook · 26/10/2020 23:38

Should have read full thread- if he's not otherwise great in bed and not making a huge effort to please you- and has weird fantasies - it's not worth it.

EarthSight · 27/10/2020 00:04

God that's really shit for the first few times. Now it's just going to be awkward. Was he even good at oral?? If not, how is he going to help a woman orgasm?

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