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Original poster

Lesser endowed and ed stuff

97 replies

famousforwrongreason · 26/10/2020 17:08

Copied from Sex topic as More traffic:

Probably don't need to post here as probably made Up my mind but sharing anyway.
Started seeing a new guy, lots of fun and laughter, great build up to sex and lots in common.
Sex: discovered that he has a much smaller penis than I have ever dealt with. And also trouble staying hard. I put the lack of erection down to nerves and the few times we've tried he's mentioned his age (not old) and some trumped up mumbling about lack of testosterone.
I feel like an absolute cunt for being disappointed in his penis size but I think if he could maintain an erection we could probably make the sex work as the few (brief) occasions he's been hard in me it's felt good.

He's also made it very clear that he can complete when sorting himself out away from me and 'was' into porn but since meeting me is 'not wanking when away from me anymore.'
Also he wanted to get into quite full on stuff early on, all stuff I enjoy but I'd prefer to build up to it than do it all on the first night.

Annoying as we'd got really close as friends prior to this and were really enjoying where it was going, the sexual tension has been immense.

I had expressed concerns that we got on so well, what If we're not compatible in bed and he said he had worried about it too.
I don't think I can take another guy who can't finish when he's with me. My exh was a porn addict And I ended up quite damaged by never being able to turn him on.
I am probably just offloading here but grateful to discuss. Very hard (lol) to discuss with friends as don't want to be slating his size and performance and risk it getting back to him

OP posts:
Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 27/10/2020 06:06

@EarthSight

God that's really shit for the first few times. Now it's just going to be awkward. Was he even good at oral?? If not, how is he going to help a woman orgasm?
He's fucking amazing at oral, the best I've had since I don't know when. Also fantastic with his fingers. I wish I could just be happy with that but despite him being very gifted in giving stimulation it was kind of inconsistent and I don't want a one sided non reciprocal sex life. Maybe if we'd been together long-term and he'd gone off the boil so to speak but not from day one.
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Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 27/10/2020 06:11

@BurbageBrook

When I got with my current partner we had the same issue. It's hardly ever a problem now. Turns out the ED was principally caused by nerves and psychological. Lasted a good few months but got better and better.
Yeah I was prepared to give the benefit of the doubt and wait and be supportive etc,. I thought maybe the fantasy stuff was a bravado thing... I understand about ed and nerves etc but when I stepped back to appraise everything I realised that the porn/ fantasy stuff will bother me plus the knowledge that he's still able to complete when we're not together after what seems like years of a pretty solid solo masturbatory habit , I just don't think I have it in me to be patient.
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Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 27/10/2020 06:14

@EarthSight

God that's really shit for the first few times. Now it's just going to be awkward. Was he even good at oral?? If not, how is he going to help a woman orgasm?
I should add, he's clearly not inexperienced and knows his way around a woman's body. When he's hard (briefly) it's clear to see there's 'potential' but I don't want gross fantasy/ sex acts in order to achieve that. Annoyingly no crystal ball to see if that would have worn off and sex would have become more real and less cerebral but it's a big gamble in which time I'd become more emotionally embroiled and itd be harder to extract myself
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PussGirl · 27/10/2020 07:13

Viagra or similar would most likely help, as would a cock ring.

As for the small penis, as long as it's big enough to get inside you then no problem really. I've had some of the best sex of my life with a 4" (erect) penis.

Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 27/10/2020 10:52

Yeah considered a cock ring and drugs...not sure the rest of it is for me tho. Plus, as said upthread, all that time experimenting (if he is even up for it) means more time spent getting close, possibly more disappointing weird trial.and error sex plus more damage to my self esteem due to knowledge that this issue is most likely caused by what he made sound like an excessive porn habit.

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Kettlingur · 27/10/2020 11:24

Yeah, nope nope nope. Even if you leave out the ED and the itty bitty teeny weeny he's stuck having fantasy sex inside his own mind and trying to fit you into his fantasies instead of learning to share intimacy with you. You are not his support animal, so if I were you, I'd just call it quits now.

IJustWantSomeBees · 27/10/2020 12:58

Us singles all agreed that we feel like we're in competition with a billion women and websites and scenarios and we'll never be as exciting as the next click

Women need to stop internalising the failings of men as their own. The fact that porn addiction and trying to foce unrealistic body expectations and fantasies onto women is common does not mean it's something we have to put up with or entertain. If a man I was dating told me he was addicted to porn and would have trouble performing/expect me to play out kinks just to keep him hard I would tell him to have a good day. Honestly, porn-sick men need to fix themselves before dragging women into their personal issues.

I'm very glad to hear that you're not entertaining the idea of trying to 'heal' him OP, these are his (self-inflicted) issues to solve and not your responsibility or your concern.

Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 27/10/2020 13:16

@Kettlingur

Yeah, nope nope nope. Even if you leave out the ED and the itty bitty teeny weeny he's stuck having fantasy sex inside his own mind and trying to fit you into his fantasies instead of learning to share intimacy with you. You are not his support animal, so if I were you, I'd just call it quits now.
Yeah bang on. Support animal is interesting choice of words as I keep having the phrase fuckmonkey in my head , as in 'I'm not your performing fuckmonkey'
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Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 27/10/2020 13:17

@IJustWantSomeBees

Us singles all agreed that we feel like we're in competition with a billion women and websites and scenarios and we'll never be as exciting as the next click

Women need to stop internalising the failings of men as their own. The fact that porn addiction and trying to foce unrealistic body expectations and fantasies onto women is common does not mean it's something we have to put up with or entertain. If a man I was dating told me he was addicted to porn and would have trouble performing/expect me to play out kinks just to keep him hard I would tell him to have a good day. Honestly, porn-sick men need to fix themselves before dragging women into their personal issues.

I'm very glad to hear that you're not entertaining the idea of trying to 'heal' him OP, these are his (self-inflicted) issues to solve and not your responsibility or your concern.

Yes yes and yes . I love this !
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Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 27/10/2020 15:01

@lollipoprainbow

What sort of age is he? I've had this with someone recently too.
Early 40s, so yes of an age where it can be harder Confused to produce an erection but not this difficult without there being other stuff going on. In my experience (& that of others) it usually is tied up with psychological stuff and/or sexual preferences which are very tricky to depart from.it seems a lot of men at a certain point can only perform if things are done to exactly a certain script. I have been here more than once, certain sex acts are the only thing that can get them off or they either can't finish or can't get hard. It's a fucking ballache for all concerned
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Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 27/10/2020 15:07

@PatsyJStone

I had a short term relationship with a man (30) who had quite a small one. I couldn’t really feel it and I felt very uncomfortable, couldn’t talk about it and he didn’t initiate any conversation either that acknowledged the situation. He had a two years relationship prior and I assume it must have been more successful. Don’t think there was any porn involved. He was the smallest and softest I’ve ever encountered and I just think that is how he was always going to be unfortunately.
Bloody shame. This guy has kids and has had several relationships Ann's is very skilled in other areas so I'm sure he has been able to access a decent sex life at some point. He comes across as a beautiful and decent person, outside of the sexual arena... Trouble is i know how much being unwanted in my marriage affected my self esteem and I know in this situation if I were to stay and support him, in my darkest moments I'd be thinking about his past relationships and being able to make babies but not getting hard with me and what's wrong with me etc as I have poor body image due to disabilities anyway.
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Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 27/10/2020 15:08

@JaffaCake70

Also an upsurge with young women with anal injuries

Shocking. Such a depressing sign of the times.

Jesus that's so sad
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Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 28/10/2020 00:38

I did the deed this eve. Feel much better for it.
Was not unkind just gave a vague explanation about having unearthed some difficult memories which is actual fact.
Thanks everyone WineCakeFlowers

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Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 28/10/2020 08:48

I have to share, he sent a message asking if we can still be friends and then proceeded to tell me that most of his women friends are actually ex lovers and that I know most of them.
So glad he didn't reveal this when we were together, I'd be looking at all our mutual friends and wondering if I'm the only one he couldn't get hard with.
He was always mentioning women that we know, I thought he was just establishing common ground, now I wonder if he was just enjoying a bit of mentionitus, maybe hoping I'd request more information ...
Told him I'm not really feeling being part of his harem.

OP posts:
TwentyViginti · 28/10/2020 08:57

Told him I'm not really feeling being part of his harem

Good for you! Grin

He won't miss you in the crowd........

Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 28/10/2020 09:21

@TwentyViginti

Told him I'm not really feeling being part of his harem

Good for you! Grin

He won't miss you in the crowd........

Hahahaha that's exactly what I thought. Big off with your stream of past lovers. My most recent ex boyfriend was bloody obsessed with his exes, only the young good looking ones mind, not the middle aged, harassed mums of his kids, I noticed. Seems to be the thing nowadays along with violent sex, and ed 'being best friends with women/ex lovers' it's like a badge of pride. I can't be an arsehole if all my ex fucks want to be around me.
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goldenharvest · 28/10/2020 10:44

Maybe give him 6 months and not make a big deal of it. Discuss how porn reduces the desire to have normal sex. Give him time to concentrate on your sexual needs and relax about the whole sexual side of the relationship. It may be he is so anxious about it it's affecting his performance. Give him time to relax and it may get better. If it's still not good, then at least you have tried.

goldenharvest · 28/10/2020 10:48

And don't let your previous experience with porn affect how you treat a different man. Men who are not in a relationship often use porn instead, and once in a relationship it shouldn't be necessary.

I'm not a man btw, and personally dislike porn, but also I'm a realist.

Thesuzle · 28/10/2020 10:53

Are you brave enough to tell him to his face why you are leaving, re the porn obvs not the penis size. Seems to me these men need telling

StormBaby · 28/10/2020 10:54

It’s the porn. The size is irrelevant.

My DH was really nervous our first time and it went wrong in a very similar fashion. I knew it was something I could work with and our sex life has been bloody fantastic ever since. He however, doesn’t have a poem addiction. I’d cut my losses if I were you.

DameCelia · 28/10/2020 11:00

@goldenharvest have you actually RTFT ?Halloween Confused

Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 28/10/2020 11:13

Nah, I have enough on my plate without opening a can of pornworms. His response to me ending things was tell me about all the sex he's had with other women who are still his close circle. I doubt very much whether he cares about what I think of his porn use when he has a ready made supply of ego boosters .
Maybe if our relationship had been longer/stronger I might have said something but it's not my circus, I don't want to deal with his defensiveness or any possible bullshit just dragging things out and making it un-nice.
We've ended at a point where I haven't really dented his ego
I find if I'm too honest I end up under attack for months from guys trying to prove me wrong

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Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 28/10/2020 11:15

@StormBaby

It’s the porn. The size is irrelevant.

My DH was really nervous our first time and it went wrong in a very similar fashion. I knew it was something I could work with and our sex life has been bloody fantastic ever since. He however, doesn’t have a poem addiction. I’d cut my losses if I were you.

Yeah @stormbaby I had exactly the same with my exh and I persevered and got emotionally invested as he moved further away and I found out about the porn addiction way too late . I'm never knowingly going there again This guy really didn't seem 'the type'. I guess I'm learning anyone is the type Confused
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Shetoshe · 28/10/2020 15:54

Dodged a bullet there OP!

On to bigger and better things Grin

Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 28/10/2020 17:12

@Shetoshe

Dodged a bullet there OP!

On to bigger and better things Grin

Hahahaha! Here's hoping Grin
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