Constantly feeling criticised

[berryvery]

I don't know what to do here? Don't know if I'm being overly sensitive and have low self esteem or if I'm dating someone who really doesn't care.

We have been together for about 10 months and on many occasions when we are together I feel so criticised by him.
He brushes comments off as banter and jokes, and I love to play around. But there comes a point where it's just too much and I think I've finally reached that point tonight.. I'm led here next to him on the verge of tears because I don't know if I can keep doing this. Yet we are so good together and have so much fun.

An example... yesterday we went out and got caught in a downpour. We needed to nip to the shops before going in for the night. He had pretty much dried in the car on the way back to mine but I needed to change my trousers. He asked me to grab a hoodie for him and his car keys. Got back to the car and forgot his keys. This led to a 'joke' talk. How could he rely on me for anything if he can't even rely on me to remember his keys. He carried it on and I tried to play along but I said to him. It's really not funny and quite hurtful and I felt like I had to defend myself about all the things I do do. Then he twisted it back on me saying I was the one making a big thing out of it.

Another example... we went out to eat last week and the waitress came over to take our order. She asked if we had any allergies we both said no. Then once she had gone said to me 'any allergies, clearly you don't look at you' no I'm not skinny. But certainly no heavier than I was when we first met!! I pulled him up on it and he just laughs telling me he's joking.

These are just 2 recent examples but I could list loads! One of his favourites if I forget something or do something wrong... 'you had one job' again 'jokingly'. But it's constant!

Today I had a really stressful day with my kids 3 between 6 & 11 got caught in more rain he could see I was stressed as he seemingly cared and asked why I was so glum. I said I was tired. Then he starts with the criticism/banter/jokes. I said can you not sense I'm not in the mood. His reply... well that won't stop me. I'll just carry on pushing your buttons.
I didn't even know what to say to that.

If I'm overreacting, then I just need to have a word with myself. But having written this down. I don't think I am? He's not all bad at all, but he's words really hurt!

He sounds exhausting, depressing and dull as dishwater. Only extremely boring, thick and unpleasant people indulge in this kind of "banter", and they get worse as they age as well.

Just bin him op. He will suck every ounce of enjoyment out of your life.

Break it off with him. Only ten months in and he's already trying to test how far he can push you? It will get much, much worse if you make more formal commitments to the relationship.

What an absolute fucking shit.

Have a talk with him - if he brushes you off, says you’re imagining it, gets very defensive and hurt, accuses you of having a go etc etc you’ve got your answer.

@DefinitelyPossiblyMaybe

He said he would carry on 'pushing your buttons' when you asked him to stop? OP, unless you enjoy having your character assassinated and your self esteem destroyed, there's no future in this relationship, so best to end it now.

This

When you end things with him say "you only had one job; loving me. Couldn't even do that right could you? I know you're not in the mood right now but that won't stop me pushing your buttons"

An often used phrase in here is "when someone tells you who they are, listen". He's telling you constantly who is is. It's rare on here everyone is saying the same thing. He won't change, do you really want to live like this?

The fact he knows he is pushing your buttons and admitted it means he is not merely 'joking', he means it. He is a gaslighter and a narcissist (and I don't use narcissist lightly, but this one clearly is), he is like a sociopathic character in a thriller movie. He is attempting to control you and strip down your worth and make you second-guess every move you make. Consider yourself lucky you haven't been with him that long, have no ties to him and no children with him. If you started picking on him for his weight, hair loss, being a male and not being able to cook or whatever, would he take offence? Something tells me he would. Which means it is not a 'joke', he means to strip your self esteem down so he can control you.

Fgs dump him. He doesnt care about your boundaries.

Has he ever paid you a compliment OP, or is it just this constant stream of criticism? Either way, life's too short for his shite. Press his "off" button!

Just dump him op
Don't take any more shit

If he's making you feel like this after 10 months imagine what he'll be like after he stops trying !

Do you know... I can't tell you the last time he paid me a compliment. He obviously has, but definitely not recently.

I'm constantly trying to please him, and I definitely don't get the same back.

I feel like I may have turned in to one of those women. I wait and enjoy so much when he tells me he loves me and how great he thinks things are going between us. That it dilutes the shit way he makes me feel. How did I not see this?

I am going away on my own with the kids this week. I will use this week to take some space and think about what I want.

You are all so right, I can't carry on like this. I just want to be happy

He's a horrible boyfriend isn't he?! Time to ditch

He might be a bit daft or be trying to push your buttons. Sit him down and say that sometimes you find his humour difficult because it seems unkind at times and if you ask him to stop you need him to stop immediately. Taking the piss when you’re struggling isn’t kind and makes you consider ending the relationship. You’ve no desire to be with someone who is unkind to you

Then watch this space. If he doesn’t change give him the push

You should watch the bbc drama ‘life’ there is a character just like your partner in it, you shouldn’t put up with it!

Such men like described do not change and this is who he really is. He targeted you as well because he thinks as you a a single parent you are probably so desperate for a man that you would put up with any old crap.

Give yourself a gift and consider binning this man off before you go on holiday with your kids this week.

He’s quite deliberately chipping away at you. Get rid, before he does any more damage.

He’s a dick. Don’t waste headspace overanalysing, just get rid of him.

OP, the thing I want most for my DC's future partners is that they are kind - that's more important than anything else. Your partner is not kind. He deliberately wants to hurt your feelings.

I actively avoid men who say they like "banter" - it's code for "being passive aggressive and cruel". Ditto "Oh, but I was only joking".

I agree with the pp who said that he will crush your spirit. Please don't let this nasty man anywhere near your children - how do you think he makes them feel? - and end your relationship with him. Then work on your boundaries. Good luck.

He's negging you - either intentionally or because he's just nasty, but it's exactly what you're feeling - a way to get you craving his good attention to control you.

Since you've already pointed out how much you dislike this, the only conclusion is he's actually doing it on purpose. Please don't stay with this man.

@nomdeplume2019

You needed supported not joked about We all have off days and if someone is trying to control how we should be Ditch! his behaviours game playing I had delight in ditching a similar moron by a text Your not for me!😂

😂😂😂😂😂😂

I think you should list everything like this that he's done and someone should make an educational video to show to teenage girls titled 'You know this? This is bullshit. Avoid'.

well that won't stop me. I'll just carry on pushing your buttons.

He knows exactly what he's doing and he doesn't care about how you feel.

He's horrible and chipping away at you. Please get some self esteem and walk away now before he destroys any happiness and confidence you have. Don't put up with this crap for the rare crumbs of affection he gives to keep you hanging on.