First birthday as a Mum

[Darcy19]

After years of trying, we finally were blessed with a beautiful baby. Its my birthday in a few days, OH is working abroad and I'm at home by myself with our son in lockdown. I explained how important birthday cards are to me and that I wanted a nice card saying mum from our son that I would keep.
He sent me a card from our son, doesn't say mum on the front, its got a picture of Boris Johnson on the front and crap about lockdown. Its something u would send to a friend. And I detest Boris Johnson yet he's on my fireplace.
I have cried my eyes out all evening, he ruined my 1st mothers day by not getting me a card and now this. I thought by being upfront about what I wanted, I could avoid being upset and disappointed, its like he sent the 1st card he seen online and put no thought into it. If I confront him he will say I'm ungrateful. If I don't, my resentment will build and build.
Am I making a big deal over this?

No you’re not making a big deal at all. I would be devastated especially given that you didn’t get a Mother’s Day card. We must be similar in the fact that the sentiment of the card means much much more than it would to others. I’m so sorry 😥
I’ve kept my Mother’s Day and first birthday card as a mum and I would be heartbroken to not of received one.

Could you make a hand made one for yourself with hand and footprints on of your baby?

I’m so sorry to read this, OP, and I hope things get better for you and your lovely son very soon. It’s my birthday next week and I know my sons are planning something nice for me - they always do because they know what I like. Pour your love into your son, as I did, and I am sure that future birthdays will be wonderful as he grows older. My sons are now heading for 30 - think of all the birthdays you are going to enjoy!

And as for your DH - all I can say is ditch the dickhead!

OP,
You are so much stronger than you realise and you already are a wonderful mother to your lucky son.

You have a wonderful future ahead of you.
I think you will realise this very quickly.

Stay strong.
You have this.

Hope you get help with your depression, OP.
And then think about your relationship with a clear head.

Because to anyone who doesn’t have PND breaking up a family over not being made fuss of at birthdays isn’t really a normal reaction.

Just out of curiosity - how old are you OP? How long have you been together with your H? Is he your first serious relationship?

@Darcy19

So I spoke to him last night. I explained how I'm really struggling with low mood etc and thanked him for the cards but said that I would have preferred the type of card that I had asked for, that I did not want to look at Boris' face. He got very angry and said he will never get me anything for my birthday again. He hung up, sent a few nasty messages. I tried to ring him later, he did not answer. This morning I woke up to a message saying that he is moving out when he gets home, that he hopes I find my romantic Prince charming and he will not be phoning to speak to our son, he will see him when he gets home at Christmas. Think its time I started listening to what he has been telling me- that he doesn't give a damn.

That is not an acceptable response to you telling him you're struggling. I'm in the camp that thinks you were being utterly ridiculous (maybe not a great shock bearing in mind you've been dealing with low mood etc). But when your partner tells you they are suffering, you're supposed to listen.

@MMmomDD

Hope you get help with your depression, OP. And then think about your relationship with a clear head.

Because to anyone who doesn’t have PND breaking up a family over not being made fuss of at birthdays isn’t really a normal reaction.

Just out of curiosity - how old are you OP? How long have you been together with your H? Is he your first serious relationship?

Wow... did you miss the fact that HE is the one breaking up the family?

Because OP asked for a little consideration over something that was, for whatever reason, important to her.

HE threw HIS toys out of the pram, said HE wants to leave and can’t be bothered with his son.

I’d love to know why OPs PND is responsible for that...

Forgot to say - he did clearly behave immaturely. And I do think they both seem quite young and inexperienced with relationships.
Incidentally - I don’t think he meant what he said. And he probably doesn’t know/believe how she actually feels.

My H lived through my PND and even then, observing me in real life he didn’t quite understand, not at the start. My own mother thought I just needed to snap out of it.
So - her H working away must not be making it any easier to relate to OP.

Having said that, it still doesn’t make the posts by OP make sense outside of PND fog.

I have had it myself, so I do remember that in that time things were distorted. The way you think and feel, and what you find important. You can’t really see clearly at that time.
And you also make it very difficult for people around you.

So - I will repeat, I hope OP get the help she needs. And I hope a family doesn’t actually break up over birthday cards.

I really wish people would stop implying that OP could only possibly be upset because of PND. It’s bordering on bloody gaslighting. For the record - absolutely no PND here and I’d have been really disappointed if I didn’t get a card with mum on the front for my first birthday a a mum. Not because I think the card itself was actually from my baby, but because my husband KNOWS it would matter to me and if he didn’t make that tiny tiny effort to do that for me it would make me feel shit. The OP’s husband also knew it mattered to her, because she made it clear and asked for what she wanted quite specifically. She has every right to be upset he ignored that.

In the context of knowing she’s isolated, lonely and ALSO suffering from PND it makes it even more shit of him not rondo the one little simple thing she asked for to cheer her up on her birthday. Because you’re supposed to do those little things for the people you love EVEN IF you think it’s stupid or pointless or whatever. Especially if they’re stuck at home raising your baby in a pandemic.

The family won’t be breaking up over a birthday card, it was pretty obvious even from the first post it would be more than that and the OP’s updates have made it perfectly clear. His ridiculous over the top reaction to being told she would have preferred the card she asked for - threatening to leave and not bother with his son anymore is totally unacceptable, OP is allowed to be furious with him for that, just like she’s allowed to be disappointed by her card, and it doesn’t have to be because of PND.

Well the idea of physical items like cards and presents as love language, which is essentially what OP is expressing here, is a controversial one. And not everyone has necessarily distinguished between OPs desire for the card and feelings of sadness at her wishes being ignored. Personally i object to the idea that love and regard can be accurately reflected by choosing a card saying what the recipient wants it to say in general, and think wanting a card supposedly sent on behalf of someone who can't possibly understand the concept yet is particularly fucking ridiculous. I'd still have done it if it were that important to my partner though, it just would be one of his less impressive qualities. The biggest issue here however is his response to OP confiding her feelings. That was inexcusable.