First birthday as a Mum

[Darcy19]

After years of trying, we finally were blessed with a beautiful baby. Its my birthday in a few days, OH is working abroad and I'm at home by myself with our son in lockdown. I explained how important birthday cards are to me and that I wanted a nice card saying mum from our son that I would keep.
He sent me a card from our son, doesn't say mum on the front, its got a picture of Boris Johnson on the front and crap about lockdown. Its something u would send to a friend. And I detest Boris Johnson yet he's on my fireplace.
I have cried my eyes out all evening, he ruined my 1st mothers day by not getting me a card and now this. I thought by being upfront about what I wanted, I could avoid being upset and disappointed, its like he sent the 1st card he seen online and put no thought into it. If I confront him he will say I'm ungrateful. If I don't, my resentment will build and build.
Am I making a big deal over this?

OP - unless you have PPD, you are being very silly and losing track of what’s actually real and important in life.

You have been trying for a baby. You now have one. Focus on him.
When he is old enough - he will make you a real card one day and you can cherish that.
It will be sooner than you think - because kids often bring Mother’s Day cards from nurseries at the age or 3-4.

But you wanting a specific fake card from your son - and being that prescriptive to your H is taking any joy of him making an effort for your birthday. Why not make your own fake card and display it 🤷🏻‍♀️.

To add to that - I am sure it’s hard enough for your H to be away from his family and not seeing the baby regularly, and especially in these crazy times where visiting is extra difficult. Don’t make it harder on him.

To summarise - possibly see a GP to rule out any lingering post partum issues; but otherwise - shake yourself and look at your son an get some perspective.

I mean this gently, but I do agree with MMmomDD. Give your baby a cuddle. He will be making you a million cards a day sooner than you think.

I wouldn't put Boris Johnson on my fireplace, though. In the fire, maybe.

Thank you everyone for your comments and perspective.
Yes I do have PND and am feeling very isolated and have no support with my son due to lockdown. I've had a rough year (as has everyone).
I am aware that I'm very sensitive, I feel like this year has been stolen from us all and I wanted to wake up on my birthday with a lovely card with mum on it and some pictures and forget about covid for 1 day. Instead I got a big picture of Boris Johnson reminding me about lockdown and another card reminding me about social distancing.

I think I will take my son on a nice nature walk today and we can make some nice pictures together. I will probably look back on this in years to come and laugh hopefully:)

OP - you ARE a mom, and don’t need a card to make it more true.

I had a terrible PND with my second. Was on medication for a year. So I can relate.
In years to come, these early days would fade and you will thankfully not remember a lot of it, as the years of memories and experiences with your child would have replaced the bad times.

In a way, feeling isolated is what many new moms have as all of a sudden your life starts revolving around a tiny being and their needs. It will change.

All I can say - I hope you are getting help with PND and not just trying to keep on without.

Op buy a card yourself.
Or take a selfie of you and your baby, title it Happy Birthday Mummy, print it off and stick it up on your fireplace.
Get rid of Boris.

Oh I’m sorry OP, both that your H was thoughtless and that you’ve attracted the usual MN nasties telling you you’re ridiculous. (If you’re an adult that wants to do anything other than completely ignore your birthday you’ll be told on here that you’re pathetic, ridiculous and to grow up. In reality the vast majority of people want their birthday to be marked in some way and generally have a preference for how that is).

I like nice cards. It’s a thing for me and although DH initially went through a phase of giving me whatever card happened to be lying around in his mum’s card and present drawer, I explained that a thoughtful card matters to me and he has (mostly) remembered that going forward.

It was my birthday recently too. It’s the first since I became a mum after years of fertility issues, and the first since we got married. I got one card saying ‘wife’ on and one card saying ‘mum’. I know full well the mum card was bought by my husband and my baby hasn’t got a clue what was going on but those cards were very special to me, I actually took a picture of them together on the mantelpiece and have kept both. My husband probably shares the view that it’s all
a bit silly, that spending £3 + on a card to pretend it’s from a baby it can’t possibly be from is something that he wouldn’t be the least bit bothered about if it was for him, but he did it because it wasn’t for him, it was for me, and he knew I’d like it.

As a pp said - you were clear in what you’d like, it wasn’t something that was particularly expensive or difficult to do, it would have
made you happy and meant something to you in a difficult time. Why on earth couldn’t your husband have done that for you? Choosing/ purchasing/ sending a card clearly wasn’t an issue for him as he managed to do all of that, he just chose, bought and sent a card that he knew wasn’t what you wanted. Why?

I’d have to say something. It doesn’t have to be a big row but just ‘I felt a bit disappointed because I did tell you how much a card with mum on would have meant to me, I appreciate you did make the effort to send a card and am not ungrateful for that, but in future I’d really appreciate it if you could get a special mum one, even if you think it’s silly, because it would be special for me’.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your birthday OP xx

OP are you ok? Could you have postnatal depression, anxiety, baby blues or similar? Just genuinely concerned as your own reaction was very exaggerated and odd

He got you a card as you requested and I'm sure was thinking he'll get you that Boris one as a joke to try to make you laugh, and as a momento for this very unusual year.

Earlier in the year he probably innocently didn't realise that you would want a Mother's day card as a priority considering all the pressures of this year and your child is not old enough to write/draw in one yet! Cards are also not important to everyone, but nevertheless he listened and got you this card for your birthday. Even if it's not the type of card you had in mind I honestly don't understand what the problem is and what would trigger that sort of extreme reaction from you Those posters saying you should reconsider the relationship on the basis of a silly card and no other context in the post that would raise concerns...honestly...

You have every right to be upset. Your oh is at best thoughtless, at worst disinterested. I still have the cards that I was ‘given’ for birthdays and Mother’s Day from my babies.

What a thoughtless prat.

You asked one little thing to brighten your day as you look after his child on your own with PND.

Thoughtless, selfish twat.

You spelt out what you wanted to avoid confusion.

Again, a twat.

Why do people come into Relationships to dismiss Posters' feelings?

You can disagree with them. You can point things out and put other viewpoints.

But why sneer and put down and have a go? This is supposed to be the 'supportive' board.

OP, you are entitled to feel upset. You are entitled to wish that your husband was supportive even though he can't be there physically. And twice he's let you down over something minor.
I don't know if he'd be receptive to a conversation when he's home.

In the meantime, do something nice with your baby. Take some lovely photos of the day and relax as much as you can with a little one.

And bin the card.

Take pictures of you and your son on your first birthday spent together. To me these would be way more valuable in years to come than fake card from your baby who doesn’t know what day it is.

Happy birthday

I’m going to remember this thread next time there are a whole load of posters telling an OP “he’s not a mind reader, you must be clear about what you want”. Here is an OP who has been clear and not remotely demanding in terms of how difficult it might have been to fulfil her request, and she gets a load of responses telling her that she is silly to be disappointed that he couldn’t manage something so simple. Really, it doesn’t matter if any of us think what you want, or your reasons behind it, are daft. You didn’t ask for much, you were clear about it, and you are not unreasonable to be disappointed that you didn’t get that.

I know it's nice to get a card from your dc on your birthday , but at the end of the day you know it's not from your dc. When your ds is older you will get lots of lovely cards. I understand the need for creating a lovely memory on your first birthday as a mother -how about arranging a covid-safe professional photoshoot for you and baby? Or one of those baby hand and foot print things as a souvenir for yourself? (not sure how covid safe that is but worth researching) . I would probably take that Bojo card down as you may feel upset each time you see it.

Wish you a very happy birthday in advance new Mama. Have a lovely day with your beautiful ds.

“ Your oh is at best thoughtless, at worst disinterested. ”

I completely agree. She spelled it out for him and still didn’t get it right.

... seriously, you've been crying over a joke birthday card ?. How old are you ?

The whole point is that it’s not from DC. It’s her dh acknowledging his dw as the mother his child, and how special she is. Op told him she needed spoiling with ACARD ffs... nothing expensive but just thoughtful, and he decided funny was the way forward. Honestly op I never had pnd, but i did something similar on first Mother’s Day. I know my children didn’t buy me my gift, but every time I wear the silver bracelet it takes me back to holding my baby. You need to really communicate with him how off the mark he really was... what you actually needed from him. He may have been trying to cheer you up, but if you have the discussion now he has Christmas to redeem himself. Big virtual hugs and hope he steps up!

She’s not crying over the fucking card. She’s upset because her dp does not appear to care.

Am I making a big deal over this?

Well, yes. However , the fact you are isolated and alone, your dh is abroad and this awful COVID situation means you aren't able to get the same support you normally would is awful for you and all new Mums.

Do as another poster suggested, and take a nice selfie of you and your lovely baby and get it printed out to keep. Any card your dh sent or gave you wouldn't be from your ds - it really isn't like when they first make you card (now that is lovely) - so the photo you take recording how you and your ds were together on your birthday is a much better keepsake.

@Pyewhacket

... seriously, you've been crying over a joke birthday card ?. How old are you ?

How old are you that you come onto a thread solely to have a dig at a lonely, isolated new mum who has acknowledged she has pnd and is dealing with that, and a baby, alone in a pandemic and just wanted a fucking card with mum on?

Jesus what is wrong with people?

I hope the rest of your day was brighter OP and that you chucked your lousy Boris card xx

I can see why you're upset but honestly the most special card from them is the first that they make at nursery/school. That is the one you'll treasure forever.

Some people on this thread have been completely and utterly nasty. No one has the right to tell someone how they should be feeling, especially someone who is clearly struggling with pnd and is feeling very isolated. It may just be a card, but it’s the meaning behind that card that is important. If people can’t come onto a forum and ask for a bit of support, where else do they turn. Whatever happened to #bekind?

OP you are completely entitled to feel as you do. Your dh did a very poor job, he might as well not have bothered. I agree with previous posters, get some paints out, do some hand and foot prints on card and take some lovely autumn photos with baby. Give your little one a lovely snuggle and you will feel much better.

Well, I think you are having a touch of the pfb about this , but perhaps understandable as we are all feeling a bit sensitive this year! Try not to let it spoil things and I think you will likely laugh about it in the future ( on the proviso that your DH is not usually a bit of a dick about these things !)

@Darcy19 I totally understand how you feel.. I spent years trying to conceive with lots of fertility treatments to get there and all I wanted for my first birthday was a card that said mum! It's not silly or ridiculous at all and ignore those who say it is! My husband is very generous with gifts and presents but nothing mattered more than a card that said mum and I treasure it!

Don't let people tell you your feelings are wrong or silly. Is there someone else you can ask to help? Mum or a close friend?

I agree with pp, either make one online or by hand with a pic of you and your son and 'first birthday as a mummy' make sure you leave it up til your partner is home so he can see what thoughtful looks like

YANBU to be disappointed when you told him specifically. But some people really are just no good at that sort of thing and he might not have really realised you'd actually end up crying over it because that's quite extreme. Perhaps hes very busy with work and hasn't the time or inclination to spend time looking to see what you might like especially if you're quite particular. Theres not necessarily any wrong in thinking how you do but sometimes being in a relationship means the other person will have very different priorities and these should be figured out early on so you can decide if they're the kind of thing that will leave you feeling so hurt it's not worth it.