2nd date - he wants to make me dinner

[CatsCoffeeAndBooks]

I met a guy whilst volunteering at an animal rescue 3 weeks ago, he’s also a volunteer. We got on so well. We talk every day, phone calls in the evening, we just connected. He’s 26 and I’m 27, I live on my own and he lives with his parents. He asked me out for a drink, which somehow turned into him wanting to come over to my flat to cook me dinner - that didn’t happen. I said I wasn’t ready for that so instead we went out for some dinner, which was nice. We haven’t kissed yet. This week he has asked to come over, again. He wants to make me dinner. All week I’ve been hinting about going for a walk or going to play golf, I’ve been very obvious. He said we will book it when he comes over to make dinner. Am I being stupid? Is he trying to come over for a cheap date?

I’ve been out of the dating game for years so I’m new to this.

Thank you for your help!

Cheap date with sex are what he’s after I reckon

He can't be that desperate to cook. Pretty sure that "I'll cook you dinner" is just a slightly more adult version of "Netflix and chill"...

I don't think it's necessarily about being cheap... a walk would be free, after all! But it might indicate he wants to move things along more quickly than you do? Your suggestions are the kind of things you'd do with a friend or family member while his is more like a date. Are you not feeling quite ready for that yet?

He sounds lovely. He lives with his parents so probably is offering to cook you dinner at yours for that reason.

Either he's totally brassic and can't afford to pay for the date, or he wants to get his leg over.
If he seems nice enough then you can always offer to pay for the date, if he keeps pushing the cooking idea then you have your answer.

He’s trying to move it along and a bit to fast for you.

I’d reiterate that you’d like to do a planned activity out and about and if still insists on dinner at yours I’d cool it right off as isn’t listening and respecting your boundaries.

You really need to be careful.

You don't know him. You'd be in a vulnerable position.

Why isn't he listening to your suggestions?

I’d be worried about this. He’s quite pushy about it. And was from the first date, I’d say it’s about sex, but if I was you I’d play cautious here and keep him out till you know him better. If he’s not willing to do that, then end it. Big red flags here,,,

He's not listening to you. Big red flag.

The last time I agreed to a second date like this, he put extreme pressure on me to have sex and it was very awkward all round. I didn’t have sex with him that night but when I eventually did (more fool me!), he ended things and threw me out of his flat the next morning. I’d recommend making it clear to him that you’re not comfortable with his dinner plan at this early stage. A decent man will respect that.

Say your not comfortable with this yet.If he doesn't respect this or go along with one of your other suggestions for a date you've got your answer.Fwiw I would never entertain this for a second date it's to soon.

He's not listening to you. That would 100% make me not want a second date.

@TiggerDatter

Cheap date with sex are what he’s after I reckon

That.

He's trying it on I'm afraid. I dated someone who was obsessed with 'picking me up' in his car for dates etc. It was just so he had to then drive me home again afterwards. I never agreed, he kept going on about it (even when it made zero sense for him to drive) so I ended it.

I wasn't ready (or willing) to sleep with him & I knew that's all he wanted.

I going to go out on a limb here and say this is nothing to do with dinner and everything to do with sex.

He wants sex.

If you're not comfortable with it this early on, say so. If you say so and he keeps pushing, that's a red flag. Maybe it's a red flag anyway.

The implication to me is he is pushing for an opportunity for sexual intimacy early on.

Even if that's not his particular intention, it would be some men's in pushing to come to your flat. It's a space where you're alone with someone and more vulnerable.

Your discomfort is perfectly reasonable, if that's how you feel, you don't have to justify it further or get into a discussion . Say no if you don't want him to. xx

That would put me right off him to be honest. He's not respecting your boundaries and basically, whether it's for cooking or sex, wants to use your house as he hasn't got his own.
You barely know him, I wouldn't be having him round at this stage. Going out and getting to know each other is a much better idea.

@MadeForThis

He wants sex.

Exactly what I'd think.

Your suggestions are the kind of things you'd do with a friend or family member while his is more like a date

@TobblyBobbly I think it's more about wanting to meet in a public place still this early on, rather than alone with a relative stranger.

A date could be at a pub/restaurant, as they already have once, but I loose track of the Corona rules, maybe that's part of OP suggesting an outdoor activity.

Yuck pushy
You don’t know him .
Absolutely not

Sex and/or “cocklodger lite” - he wants to push to use your home as a chill-out zone he can just hang out at before going to be looked after by mum and dad.

There’s nothing wrong with dating whilst having a transient living situation as it does happen - but then you have cheap outdoor dates or if someone wants private time (normally the guy) they can pay for a hotel room.

He wants sex. It’s very very clear.

I would be concerned that his intentions could be a lot worse than merely wanting a cheap date. He seems a bit too keen to get you alone in a private place.

Even if he has no ulterior motive then he is a bit thoughtless if he cannot see that you would be making yourself vulnerable with a relative stranger. I wouldn't see him again at all.

Potential cocklodger. Not having a date is better than an uncomfortable date. Stick to your guns, if he's not happy, tough titty.