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Original poster

2nd date - he wants to make me dinner

73 replies

CatsCoffeeAndBooks · 23/10/2020 17:16

I met a guy whilst volunteering at an animal rescue 3 weeks ago, he’s also a volunteer. We got on so well. We talk every day, phone calls in the evening, we just connected. He’s 26 and I’m 27, I live on my own and he lives with his parents. He asked me out for a drink, which somehow turned into him wanting to come over to my flat to cook me dinner - that didn’t happen. I said I wasn’t ready for that so instead we went out for some dinner, which was nice. We haven’t kissed yet. This week he has asked to come over, again. He wants to make me dinner. All week I’ve been hinting about going for a walk or going to play golf, I’ve been very obvious. He said we will book it when he comes over to make dinner. Am I being stupid? Is he trying to come over for a cheap date?

I’ve been out of the dating game for years so I’m new to this.

Thank you for your help!

OP posts:
ravenmum · 23/10/2020 18:11

I’ve been hinting about going for a walk or going to play golf, I’ve been very obvious. He said we will book it when he comes over to make dinner.
Suonds like you have not been clear that you want to go for a walk as the date. If you said "Next time, I want to go for a walk, how about meeting at 6 on Tuesday by the park" - or if, when he talked about dinner, you said "No, let's go to the park", then he wouldn't be talking about arranging it when he comes round for dinner.

BlueJava · 23/10/2020 18:11

Yeah I wouldn't be going for that yet. He's pushing on too fast and he obviously wants sex. Try setting some boundaries and telling him you're not ready for him coming to your home, you want to keep to a neutral space for at least a couple of months - then see what happens. That way you should know whether he hangs around or not.

AnaViaSalamanca · 23/10/2020 18:17

He seems pushy. You seem passive. Learn to say no rather than dropping hints and take charge of your life.

He comes over, he pushes for sex, you will say no, and probably no sex will happen but now you are a lot more comfortable with him. Next date if you will be softened up and ready. After than he will be coming over for food and sex regularly. No man who values you would push to come over.

IdblowJonSnow · 23/10/2020 18:19

He's being too pushy. It might be nice if he offered to cook at his but constantly inviting himself to yours is bad manners and does potentially sound like he's after a shag.
Just be firm.

2me2u2u2me · 23/10/2020 18:19

His pushiness would irritate me to the point I’d be totally put off and wouldn’t want to date him

YouShouldLeave · 23/10/2020 18:21

He’s lazy (and cheap) date.

Wants to push sex, maybe skip cooking all together.

iMatter · 23/10/2020 18:21

Sex at yours then he'll dump you.

Sorry.

TwilightSkies · 23/10/2020 18:23

What have you got to lose by being really clear with him? Tell him exactly how you feel, if he’s a decent guy he will totally understand and not try to push your boundaries.

madcatladyforever · 23/10/2020 18:24

I wouldn't allow that this early on, you don't know him. He could be anyone. Just because he lives with his parents and volunteers at an animal charity does not mean you shouldn't be wary.
I'd tell him quite firmly you don't know him well enough to invite him over to your place yet and could he not rush you please.

formerbabe · 23/10/2020 18:27

He's definitely after a shag...he lives with his parents so your place is the only option...you haven't invited him so he's invited himself and dressed it up by saying he wants to make you dinner.

mercutio12 · 23/10/2020 18:28

He sound gross and lazy, not what you want.

Tlollj · 23/10/2020 18:31

He lives with his parents so he wants to come to yours for a shag.
Dinner is just an excuse.
Just say no you’re not ready to have him to dinner yet, if he persists dump him.

Lampan · 23/10/2020 18:32

I would never have someone over to mine, or go over to their house unless I was ready and willing to have sex with them. I feel as if it’s an unspoken understanding, maybe I’m being over the top but that’s my rule. Like other posters say, the fact that he keeps pushing and isn’t listening to what you want is a bit concerning. Get to know him better first, in public.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 23/10/2020 18:33

When you say "I've been obvious" - what have you actually said? Because if you've said "I don't want you to come to my place (yet) - let's meet at a cafe" and he's ignored you, then just dump him, he's pushy and will treat you like shit.

If as I suspect you haven't been obvious at all - say the above.

Only invite him to your place, or go to his, if you're 100% certain you want to have sex with him.

HollowTalk · 23/10/2020 18:34

@Bunkbedpeople

Sex and/or “cocklodger lite” - he wants to push to use your home as a chill-out zone he can just hang out at before going to be looked after by mum and dad.

There’s nothing wrong with dating whilst having a transient living situation as it does happen - but then you have cheap outdoor dates or if someone wants private time (normally the guy) they can pay for a hotel room.

Thank you so much for cocklodger lite - that's made my day.
Strangedays20 · 23/10/2020 18:36

Yes that’s a shag. I’ve had men ‘offering’ to visit me at home with a bottle of wine after two dates when my children would be in bed and they don’t care!

Strangedays20 · 23/10/2020 18:39

I also had one guy invite me round to his and he would cook. He rang several times to arrange it. I said, Thanks but I’d prefer a night out. I never heard from him again.

newnameforthis123 · 23/10/2020 18:42

@TwilightSkies

What have you got to lose by being really clear with him? Tell him exactly how you feel, if he’s a decent guy he will totally understand and not try to push your boundaries.
This exactly.
Original poster
CatsCoffeeAndBooks · 23/10/2020 18:46

Thank you, everyone. I'm going to message him and be very clear. I need to stop worrying about hurting someone's feeling by being passive. I need to clearly set my boundaries. Dating can be hard work.

OP posts:
category12 · 23/10/2020 18:47

He's trying to skip straight to the sex. I wouldn't trust him in your flat, his pushiness might well translate into rapiness.

Camogue · 23/10/2020 18:48

@Undies1990

He sounds lovely. He lives with his parents so probably is offering to cook you dinner at yours for that reason.
No one is this naive, surely.
RunBackwards · 23/10/2020 18:49

I'm less cynical than some, I think he's trying a bit hard to do something romantic, but he absolutely should be listening if it's not what you want.

ColleagueFromMars · 23/10/2020 18:50

  1. Don't drop hints to men people - tell them outright what you mean.

  2. Eww. A man who can't respect boundaries.

FizzyPink · 23/10/2020 18:50

I dated a guy like this for about 2 months and all he ever wanted to do was go to his and cook dinner.
He was very tight (and a doctor as well!)

Zaphodsotherhead · 23/10/2020 18:54

What is it they say? 'Say 'no' to him, his response will tell you all you need to know about what kind of man he is.'

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