2nd date - he wants to make me dinner

[CatsCoffeeAndBooks]

I met a guy whilst volunteering at an animal rescue 3 weeks ago, he’s also a volunteer. We got on so well. We talk every day, phone calls in the evening, we just connected. He’s 26 and I’m 27, I live on my own and he lives with his parents. He asked me out for a drink, which somehow turned into him wanting to come over to my flat to cook me dinner - that didn’t happen. I said I wasn’t ready for that so instead we went out for some dinner, which was nice. We haven’t kissed yet. This week he has asked to come over, again. He wants to make me dinner. All week I’ve been hinting about going for a walk or going to play golf, I’ve been very obvious. He said we will book it when he comes over to make dinner. Am I being stupid? Is he trying to come over for a cheap date?

I’ve been out of the dating game for years so I’m new to this.

Thank you for your help!

Look, you'd be mad to go to his house, if he lived alone and wanted to cook you dinner, either. He's a virtual stranger. You've met him once outside of your volunteer activities.

Messaged him. I only mentioned going to a walk or playing golf because it's fairly inexpensive, I usually pay for myself but at the moment I'm in between jobs so I'm being careful, which he knows. I don't want to assume he will pay for a meal out.

*for

You're lucky - usually these men living with their parents, and eager to get their feet under a woman's table, also have children and nowhere to accommodate them.

Yours just wants your bed, and an escape from his parents.

I agree with all the PP. He's after a shag on second date. But maybe we're wrong. I'll be interested in his response.

He wants to get you alone. Read r/femaledatingstrategy on reddit, they will set you right.

Food doesn't have to be involved at all, although why not suggest a walk and a picnic? Dating does not have to be 'someone buys a meal'...

@CatsCoffeeAndBooks

in my dating experience this situation REALLY isn’t about who pays for the date.

I used to be quite self-conscious about dating higher earners on a low/student income and would worry if I suggested “out” dates the guy would think I was a gold digger trying to force him to pay for pricey nights out etc.

But even if I suggested cheap/free dates within my budget/paid my way this kind of guy would STILL want to push for the “come round to mine” style date. Except it’s not even a date - like a pp said he just wants to move the situation so coming round to yours is the “norm”.

Ive also found this type of cocklodger lite (Hollow ) can be a guy with a decent job who is not obviously a “deadbeat”. They might even have their own place!

• some men think women exist to provide an easy domestic environment for them.

Or they realise they can save their social effort/quality time for themselves and turn up for sex and sitting on the sofa watching tv (if the woman is thoughtful and well mannered they’ll probably get fed and watered as well)

@CatsCoffeeAndBooks

Thank you, everyone. I'm going to message him and be very clear. I need to stop worrying about hurting someone's feeling by being passive. I need to clearly set my boundaries. Dating can be hard work.

Women are socially conditioned to be 'nice' and cocklodgers lite or full- fat take advantage of that.

@Bluntness100

I’d be worried about this. He’s quite pushy about it. And was from the first date, I’d say it’s about sex, but if I was you I’d play cautious here and keep him out till you know him better. If he’s not willing to do that, then end it. Big red flags here,,,

Agree with this

Don’t do it if your uncomfortable. I once dated a guy who pushed to come round to mine for dinner. I made it, but had a gut feeling he wasn’t just coming round for food. He drove, came into the house and kicked the door. I asked him to unlock it, but he says safety - instantly put me off. He turned up with 2 bottles of wine. I knew then he was after a sleep over. I put the wine in the cupboard. Ate, offered him water as he was driving and stayed at my table and then said was tired.

He left and texted me I was cold. Hmm should of told him to leave when I felt uncomfortable

He's calling it "dinner" so you can't say "I don't want that" but he means sex.
If you talk to him about it he'll just say "all I wanted to do was cook for you" but obviously he's hoping one thing will lead to another.

@Chairlove - he locked the door? And at your place? Brrrrrrrrr! That would make anyone cold due to a shiver down their spine.

Well done for getting out of spending much time with him.

If only we lived in a society where it was easy to immediately say 'ok, I don't like that you've done that, it's given me the creeps, I need you to leave now' (unfortunately I can only imagine feeling relatively safe saying that in the imaginary situation if I were by the door holding it open) or in whatever other situations end a date immediately when the writing is on the wall.

Yeah. I am sure it was innocent as he was obsessed with safety. But I wanted the door unlocked. Gave me the ick instantly. He also insisted on taking his shoes off and couldn’t understand why I wasn’t bothered. Wooden floors.

Yuck. He’s extremely pushy which is a red flag.

I would never let a guy know where I live on the second date, too many things happen to women in those circumstances.

Very pushy.
These days, it's almost always the men who are the gold diggers (cocklodgers)

This is very good practice for being direct with men.

Oh and also highly recommend r/femaledatingstrategy

@Bluntness100

I’d be worried about this. He’s quite pushy about it. And was from the first date, I’d say it’s about sex, but if I was you I’d play cautious here and keep him out till you know him better. If he’s not willing to do that, then end it. Big red flags here,,,

^ This be wary OP

@nolovelost

He's not listening to you. That would 100% make me not want a second date.

This!

Urgh. He’s being too pushy that would really put me off. Agree he just wants sex.

He's either lazy and wants to settle with nights in very quickly, or as others have said, he's pushing for sex, too early

No way

He wants sexy time