I'm I being selfish ?

[Francies]

My Partner thinks I'm being selfish. We live together and we have been together for 2yrs. I'm in a relationship were my partner is more wealthy then me and it's very unequal I feel there is a bad balance I just don't have the freedom to do the things he does.
Our finances are separate because of his wealth and I cannot give him anything the only thing I have got with regards him money wise is a credit card in his name and I just spend shopping on it .

He also has a active life with hobbies gym golf and meeting friends and clients after work he works Mon / Fri out of that week he might not be back 2/3 times till 10/11pm at night which I don't mind.
So at weekends I look forward to us spending time together just to add I've not been working as I've had a few personal issues with family and grief someone passed on so because I don't work I don't have much money but all the things I do either see family or other things I do mon to fri so I keep the weekends free for us .
The problem has been the weekends he thinks its ok to go away at weekends either golf /skiing / shooting with friends I would say these people are not really what I would class as friends I would say people that ask him because they know he has money and can afford to do these activities work friends clients.
I never have the money to go away with friends so I don't and I don't have lots of friends that I can do that with.
Since July he has been away for 3 weekends and has now been asked on another weekend away in a months time .
I really don't want him to go! He thinks I'm being selfish as I don't work and have time to do stuff mon / fri but I think it's a bit selfish of him to leave me again he says his job is stressful and I should be encouraging him to do stuff and not making it all a issue.
He will go anyway whatever I say as he is like this! but I just feel I'm not being considered it like he don't care enough about me and my feelings

Are you there do you think in a house keeper capacity ?

How did you get together in the first place op

Why don't you work?

Are you not joining him because he you can't afford it and he won't pay for you?

What do you get out of this relationship now?

You and he should not be together any more. It’s fundamentally not working and there is a power and control balance in his favour. What do you do during the week?. Can you see yourself getting back into a workplace within the next year?.

So does he not ask you to go? You seem very different people in all honesty with v different lifestyles. I think its a bit much if hes going off all the time at wknds, but at the same time it is important to have your own space and interests. Are you able to get back into work so you can contribute/participate?

Move out.
Get a job. Go to school and get a better job.
Make new friends.
This guy has nothing to offer.

When he asks you to go with him does that mean he is happy to pay for you? Or do you not go because you don't want him to pay for you?

Him being away for just 3 weekends since July is not a big deal, honestly.

I don't see the issue. 3 weekends away in 4 months isn't a big deal.

You do sound a bit selfish tbh.

I think you should look for a job and get yourself some new friends and hobbies.

I agree that 3 weekends out for 4 months is fine. You don't have children together, he's entitled to go away.
You need to get a job, hobbies etc to fill your time.

How are you funding your life with no job and the two of you having separate finances?

Is he thinking you should be working and therefore doesn’t want to pay for you to do things such as holidays? How long have you been unemployed? Why do you have separate finances? Him being well off isn’t a reason.

Do you ever do anything together? Do you ever go away together?

Do you work?

Why don't you work? Money will give you a bit more freedom and have to rely on him less...

Eh get a job?

3 weekends away in 4 months isn’t a lot at all. I think YABU to try and stop him doing the things he enjoys Especially if you have no money to contribute anything. Why can’t you get a job and contribute to the relationship, Days out, Weekends away etc?

Can't you look to get a job, granted harder in these times, but its not for him to fund you. 3 weekends away doesn't seem much at all - I'm guessing you wouldn't mind the number of weekends away if he was paying for you to go too

Why don’t you work?

4 weekends away in 4 months doesn’t seem so excessive I think. No children?

You need to provide your own income.

OP said she isn’t working at the moment for personal reasons.

However, I agree that 3 weekends in 4 months is not much. Although it might seem a lot to you if you have little else going on and are really looking forward to weekends.

Are you seeking help for your personal issues? Is there a possibility of you volunteering or temping to get back into work. It is not healthy to be so reliant on your partner.

is there a reason you dont work?

I think you’re in a precarious position here. You’re not married and you’re not working. Presumably he pays all the bills? What do you actually live on? How would you pay for a haircut or new clothes? I think you need to get a job and start making arrangements with your own friends. I would find it stifling to be expected to stay with my OH every weekend just because they had no-where else to be.

Where do the two of you see this relationship going?

If he intends to always have separate finances and very different lifestyles then for gods sake, have excellent contraception and don't have children with him.

At the moment you're more boyfriend/girlfriend than life partners to my mind, and that's fair enough.

Unfortunately op I think you are being a little selfish.

I suspect that, because you're not working right now, you very much "wait for the weekend" and you want to spend it with him.

Unfortunately what you've failed to take into account is that your DP is working all week and maybe he wants to be able to enjoy his weekends doing activities as well as seeing you.

I know my partner and I often spend time apart at weekends because I have hobbies that he doesn't and vice versa - I wouldn't expect him to keep Friday 5pm - Monday 9am free for me every week.

What do you two do on your weekends together?

Thanks for the reply's

We are both not young we are in our 50ish he is divorced and he has dad guilt so we have his teenagers quite a lot at weekends or he goes over to see them for a day at a weekend .
We do get to go away together or we did but not that much really now as we have his kids more over ours
I'm never invited on the weekends because it's all men if I did go money is not the issue and he would pay if I went anywhere with him .
As for a Job I have been looking but in my sector and the climate co vid it's been hard no jobs I was in Events plus I've had few issues with my own mum she lives on her own and is in her 80s and not been able to cope well as she lost her partner.
I do feel like the unpaid maid yes half the time this is why I get annoyed btw I do have a cleaner but I do everything else !
If Co vid had not hit I'm sure he would have been away for weekends a lot lot more .
Btw I do have my own money but it's not a lot so I could save up for holidays or weekends away as I live week to week.
I never ask him for anything money wise I'd rather not! if I'm honest I'd rather go away with him as that's what I think you should do when your in a relationship! I just wish he felt the same as me.

Who pays for the cleaner?

You dont have enough going on in your own life - thats clear to see. Cant you ease yourself back into work starting part time? You will have your own money and a renewed appreciation for your free time then. What do you two do when he isnt away at weekends?

I got a phone call halfway through my post so some of it isnt relevant. Could you look for a job outside events for now?