I'm I being selfish ?

[Francies]

My Partner thinks I'm being selfish. We live together and we have been together for 2yrs. I'm in a relationship were my partner is more wealthy then me and it's very unequal I feel there is a bad balance I just don't have the freedom to do the things he does.
Our finances are separate because of his wealth and I cannot give him anything the only thing I have got with regards him money wise is a credit card in his name and I just spend shopping on it .

He also has a active life with hobbies gym golf and meeting friends and clients after work he works Mon / Fri out of that week he might not be back 2/3 times till 10/11pm at night which I don't mind.
So at weekends I look forward to us spending time together just to add I've not been working as I've had a few personal issues with family and grief someone passed on so because I don't work I don't have much money but all the things I do either see family or other things I do mon to fri so I keep the weekends free for us .
The problem has been the weekends he thinks its ok to go away at weekends either golf /skiing / shooting with friends I would say these people are not really what I would class as friends I would say people that ask him because they know he has money and can afford to do these activities work friends clients.
I never have the money to go away with friends so I don't and I don't have lots of friends that I can do that with.
Since July he has been away for 3 weekends and has now been asked on another weekend away in a months time .
I really don't want him to go! He thinks I'm being selfish as I don't work and have time to do stuff mon / fri but I think it's a bit selfish of him to leave me again he says his job is stressful and I should be encouraging him to do stuff and not making it all a issue.
He will go anyway whatever I say as he is like this! but I just feel I'm not being considered it like he don't care enough about me and my feelings

Are you that poster who moved in with her boyfriend during lockdown and pissed off her best friend and the ex wife whilst declaring it was all true love and he was amazing in bed???

Does anyone else remember it?

What is the female version of a cocklodger?

Continue the relationship.
Move out.
Get a job, any job and gain some financial independence.
You have no right to begrudge him time with his family or enjoying some relaxation, paid for by his own money.
You're in your 50's and relying on your partner that you no legal ties to, to fund your lifestyle, spend less time with his teens, go to work AND then entertain you.

Ask yourself this, 'what do I bring to the table'?

Where did you find him? And what do you like about him - apart from the free house, gym classes, free time, not having to work and having a cleaner? Do you like or love him? What exactly does he see in you, are you incredibly beautiful and amazing in bed?

Thanks for reply's

I thought the name calling like Cocklodger very unfair.

Btw he don't pay for everything like my things example clothes personal stuff

I just don't pay rent/ bills / shopping / cleaner btw the cleaner is his choice he has always had one and he wants one as he and his kids have OCD so knowing there is a cleaner make them feel better But if I'm honest I could do a better job and I end up going over it when she has left anyway !

I have savings to fall back on if things didn't go well with our relationship and there is a written agreement that he will help out to get me back on my feet as he asked me to live with him .

When I said dad guilt it was the fact he walked out on the ExW and kids but she had a major drink problem . She has said lots of nasty stuff about him to the kids like he has never had time for them and how she has! So now he is trying to make up for it but it's all a load of rubbish to make him feel guilty for walking out ! she is just bitter and twisted and not a very happy person because of the money! to me he is a excellent dad ExW don't have a clue ! these kids don't want for nothing through him and his hard work they also have his love and he is very supported of them too. I also have a good relationship with them and never stop him from seeing them and they do have time without me I do make sure of this as I think they should too.

As for me I'm a mum and I was a single parent and my daughter who is off hand now had a crap dad so I know all about crap dads and I know what it is to have life struggles so I am very very grateful for what I have now and I the first to help anyone out too even if I have nothing myself .

I met my partner through a friends setting up a blind date and we hit it off instantly I didn't know he was very wealthy for quite a while he told me after around 5mths of dating.

There are things about my partner that a lot of women could not put up with he has Aspergers and a very high sex drive and he can be very controlling and demanding but in a clever way not nasty so this can all be difficult and put stress on the relationship but I do really love him

I think what everyone on here said about the work thing is right ! I will start looking for anything work wise and kick myself up the bum and get out there and start having control of my own destiny and not be too bothered about what he wants to do either like this weekend aways

He’s a controlling sex pest?

What does your daughter bring “off hand” mean?

Why did he leave his children with an abusive alcoholic?

Are you writing a novel...?

He’s a controlling sex pest?

What does your daughter bring “off hand” mean?

Why did he leave his children with an abusive alcoholic?

Are you writing a novel...?

Haha.. one of my good friends says I should write about my life funnily enough. I doubt it would be that interesting! But she seems to think otherwise!

Btw He is not a sex pest as I have a quite a high sex drive as well so we are equal in that area

He just got fed up with her arguments and her out of control drinking apparently through her boredom! I Think she has depression myself! that's what he told me plus they had very separate lives they did sleep together either this was going on for years apparently his kids have said as well so I think these were all factors I was told this by his family they all said he should never have married her and he should have divorced her a long time ago the family dislike her a lot

Off hand meaning she is independent of me now off at uni own place .

It is you! it was the high sex drive that clinched it.

Have you apologised to the Ex for over stepping boundaries yet? I seem to remember she had very good reason to be pretty pissed off with you.

A written agreement to help you probably isn't enforceable if he choses not to. He can void the agreement if he wants. You are in a vulnerable position. I'd get a job if I were you.

It is you! it was the high sex drive that clinched it.

Have you apologised to the Ex for over stepping boundaries yet? I seem to remember she had very good reason to be pretty pissed off with you.

A written agreement to help you probably isn't enforceable if he choses not to. He can void the agreement if he wants. You are in a vulnerable position. I'd get a job if I were you.

????
Me and his ExW never talk so that is not me I would never do anything to piss his Ex off. I don't have to do anything or say anything she is pissed off with me anyway just for living or existing and being in her way as she knows he would never go back to her .
The agreement was drafted with my solicitor so I had back up if anything was to happen with regards the relationship

Agreements with solicitors don't always stand up in court if challenged. Look at pre nups, they can be overturned. If he is as clever as you say he will have already thought of this.

He 'walked out on' his kids and left them with a mother whose heavy drinking made her unbearable to live with? Nice. A decent man would have fought to be their resident parent if their mother was that bad. All adult parties sound selfish in this scenario to be honest.

Legal professional here, an 'agreement' isn't worth the paper it is written on, unless it is enforceable in Court and even then, the Courts have to deem it worth precious Court time before they'll list your matter for a hearing let alone an actual trial.
Are you going to use your 'savings' to fund your legal battle because I can tell you with absolute certainty, you would not be eligible for legal aid.

Further, you would have to prove that you have given up a substantial lifestyle and have been 'slumming' it with him for it to be deemed legally enforceable that he has to get you 'back onto your feet.'
You're not his wife, you do not share children; you're not even business partners!!! He literally has no duty of care towards you within a legal framework. Get a grip.

If you were a male, you'd 110% be classed as a cocklodger, your vagina does not exempt you from that status.

Leave his home, fund your own lifestyle and show him and yourself that you are with him because you want him, not because you need his house to live in and for him to pay the bills. Have some self respect!!

This can’t be real! Why would someone sign a contract saying someone who arrived with nothing, does nothing, contributes nothing gets money if the relationship breaks down??

Hi OP, I don't think you deserve a blasting but I would say you sound like you've lost yourself a bit. Getting a job.. Any kind of job will help get your confidence back and you won't feel so needy towards your partner and his finances. I don't think he's being selfish going away 3 weekends in four months, it's good he's got hobbies too. I think you just need your own financial independence to feel equal to him. If you can't find a job in your sector, get a job doing anything you can, care work, checkout systems, cleaning.. There's no shame in it.