I'm I being selfish ?

[Francies]

My Partner thinks I'm being selfish. We live together and we have been together for 2yrs. I'm in a relationship were my partner is more wealthy then me and it's very unequal I feel there is a bad balance I just don't have the freedom to do the things he does.
Our finances are separate because of his wealth and I cannot give him anything the only thing I have got with regards him money wise is a credit card in his name and I just spend shopping on it .

He also has a active life with hobbies gym golf and meeting friends and clients after work he works Mon / Fri out of that week he might not be back 2/3 times till 10/11pm at night which I don't mind.
So at weekends I look forward to us spending time together just to add I've not been working as I've had a few personal issues with family and grief someone passed on so because I don't work I don't have much money but all the things I do either see family or other things I do mon to fri so I keep the weekends free for us .
The problem has been the weekends he thinks its ok to go away at weekends either golf /skiing / shooting with friends I would say these people are not really what I would class as friends I would say people that ask him because they know he has money and can afford to do these activities work friends clients.
I never have the money to go away with friends so I don't and I don't have lots of friends that I can do that with.
Since July he has been away for 3 weekends and has now been asked on another weekend away in a months time .
I really don't want him to go! He thinks I'm being selfish as I don't work and have time to do stuff mon / fri but I think it's a bit selfish of him to leave me again he says his job is stressful and I should be encouraging him to do stuff and not making it all a issue.
He will go anyway whatever I say as he is like this! but I just feel I'm not being considered it like he don't care enough about me and my feelings

Agree 4 weekends away in 4 months isn't much. It would be different if you had children together and he was leaving them with you every time. Also definitely try to get a job as if you were busy through the week you'd probably be quite happy to have a weekend to yourself to relax now and again ( I definitely would!).

And his children need to also get time with him, that's how it is when you are in a relationship with someone who has children.

If someone you’re dating turns flakey overnight I say call them out on it.
It’s cowardly, childish and ridiculous behaviour that we all need to quit accepting
I was dating a guy a few months ago, 3 dates and he suddenly changed so I asked him outright what he was looking for. He answered that he wanted a ‘casual’ relationship that was enough for me to say ‘See ya!’ and move on
Let’s be honest, none of us want a relationship with a guy who runs hot and cold but we don’t want to be left hanging for days. We’ve got to take control and knock this crap on the head!

Sorry wrong thread, reported

You sound really incompatible.

Three weekends since July? So one a month? I’m not seeing the problem with that given there are no dependent children. The financial balance seems out of kilter though and I think you need to address that.

I don't think he's being particularly selfish with the number of weekends away.

I DO think you need something of your own to do and fill in your days. Any paid work is better than no paid work, surely, even if it's not in your chosen sector. Or volunteering. Or find a hobby.

If you live together who owns the house? Is it a complete split? Because then I can understand you feeling like the unpaid maid, although you do have a cleaner. However if you aren't contributing to bills / mortgage / rent, then I do think it's fair you do some housework.

He's not financially responsible for you, nor responsible bcause you don't have your own hobbies. Once a month is not a lot for someone to go away and spend time with friends. I think you need to take some time and think about what you enjoy and spend some time for yourself.

Well, you're not an unpaid maid, it sounds like you're living rent/bill free, plus you have a cleaner, plus you have a credit card of his!

This is a very precarious position you're in. What would you do if he told you to move out? Do you own a separate home of your own?

You are being selfish, three weekends in four months isn't much to ask. It's not like you're at home with a baby or stuck subsidising it. He's going off with his friends, not another woman. There's nothing inappropriate about his expectations.

You need to get a hobby, voluntary work or job that will keep you busy.

We are both not young we are in our 50ish he is divorced and he has dad guilt so we have his teenagers quite a lot at weekends or he goes over to see them for a day at a weekend
Bit odd to attribute this to 'guilt', isn't it just 'being a dad who wants to spend time with his children'? Surely you want him to have a good relationship with his kids? Otherwise he'd be a dick and therefore an unappealing partner.

The house is his I moved out my place to live with him his idea I was in private rented accommodation so he said and suggested me to move in with him a area I didn't know either he said save me paying out for rent
The place is paid for and like I said he has wealth so money like bills and cleaner are no big deal to him it was agreed by him not me I didn't have to pay as I offered rent ect at the time I moved in and I've also said it on a couple of occasions as I didn't at first feel to comfortable about the situation

He went through a messy divorce which cost him a lot so this is why I think he is like he is about keeping the finances separate plus it went that way to when I moved in as he was still paying for his kids and ex up until March his year when the settlement was sorted out so I was not able to be connected to him with regards finances and nothings changed apart from he gave me his credit card his ex never worked at all so he is not bothered about me and a job.
He does not seem to want to show his kids either that we are financially connected but I think this goes back to the ExW as she sowed the seeds into his kids that I'm just there for the money a gold digger and for the kids to watch what I get as it's spending there inheritance she is very very nasty and bitter but it's because her wealth halved she defiantly don't want me or any women to get so it's not about me it could be anyone that my partner happened to be with money has made her sad and bitter just wish my partner had more balls to stand up to her but that's another story !

In the week I fit everything in so I have weekends free so I'm very busy in the week so it's not like I'm sitting about and bored I go out with a fitness group and do other stuff like visit my mother I do have friends I'd say 4 true friends. where he don't seem to have what I call true friends it's clients or colleagues it's like they are friends because they can do this or got that otherwise I don't think they would bother with him at all but he don't see it !

I think you do sound selfish, and needy. You seem to have a comfortable life style, not needing to work and having a cleaner, sounds like your DP provides a nice home, food, comforts etc. Why's do you assume it is your DP's role to 'entertain' you at weekends?

But I agree with others, you are in a very fragile situation, what happens if DP decides he'd rather live alone, or meets someone else?

So you’ve allowed yourself to become financially dependent on someone else meaning you have no income of your own and are now bored and relying on him not only to pay for you but to entertain you too, you need to get yourself a job and some independence

@Isanyholeagoal

So you’ve allowed yourself to become financially dependent on someone else meaning you have no income of your own and are now bored and relying on him not only to pay for you but to entertain you too, you need to get yourself a job and some independence

This. You need to take responsibility for your choices, past and current. This balance isn't working for you so rather than waiting for him to amend his behaviour, take control of your life and make changes that make you happy or end the relationship and move on.

You sound like hard bloody work, OP. You live at his for free, he supports your choice not to work, he pays for a cleaner and for everything if you do go off together at weekends, yet you seem to resent doing anything round the house or him choosing to spend any weekend hours with anyone who isn't you! If the sexes were reversed you'd be called a controlling cocklodger.

@Ragwort

I think you do sound selfish, and needy. You seem to have a comfortable life style, not needing to work and having a cleaner, sounds like your DP provides a nice home, food, comforts etc. Why's do you assume it is your DP's role to 'entertain' you at weekends?

But I agree with others, you are in a very fragile situation, what happens if DP decides he'd rather live alone, or meets someone else?

Agree with this. You pay no bills, have a cleaner and your mining because he wants to go for a weekend away ...

I do feel like the unpaid maid yes half the time this is why I get annoyed btw I do have a cleaner but I do everything else!

You don't work, he pays for absolutely everything, providing you with a very comfortable life many can only dream of, so yes, you should be doing "everything else" the cleaner doesn't do!

What you have to bitch about I can't possibly imagine. If you don't like your life, get a job and move out.

You are not compatible and your outlooks on life/friendships/hobbies seem very different.
Changing(or attempting to) who he is and what he likes would be very wrong, so it's up to you to decide if it's something you can live with,or if you're better off without him.

You are quite selfish and strangely entitled, OP. I wonder how long it’ll take your bf to realise it and grow tired of it.
It’s not entirely clear what you bring to this relationship.

The fact that his exW didn’t work is irrelevant, really. I presume it was a long marriage and she was raising the kids, kept the house and supported his career. He, in turn, supported her.

Now - you enter the scene and think it’s totally OK to live there rent/bills free, and also judge his lifestyle, count his money and criticise his friends/weekend activities.. And yes, he is also supposed to entertain you on weekends because you are bored.
I feel bad for the guy as he could do so much better.

If you aren’t seeing this all - just think about what’s happen if you broke up. Your nice free lifestyle would change dramatically. And you’ll have to get out and get a job. Any job. This is your alternative if this relationship ends. So - give yourself a shake. You are massively lucky.

So - if I were you - I’d start feeling at least grateful and stopped giving him grief over his rather understandable desire to spend time with his friends/acquaintances.
And also - get a job. Events management isn’t coming back any time soon. So you need to figure out your next move as the excuse that you had a hard year isn’t gonna fly to much longer. Everybody had had a hard year.

I do feel like the unpaid maid yes half the time this is why I get annoyed btw I do have a cleaner but I do everything else!

What is everything else? Genuinely. If you don't have young kids together? I'm struggling to see the load you are carrying that you feel is unfair?

What would a man who lives with their partner without contributing, doesn’t clean, doesn’t buy food, and doesn’t work, be called?

And criticising someone for wanting to spend time with their kids as “dad guilt” is out of order.

Fannyfreeloader

My opinion of your situation changed when you mentioned "dad guilt".

I am curious as to whether you have children, OP?

Mingelodger?