List the pros and cons of your OH

[BriocheBuns]

Hey

Debating whether or not I have a decent OH.

Thought you all could join me and list the pros and cons of yours. Mainly so I can get a sense of what a decent OH is as mines tells me I’m ungrateful! x

Pros
Umm..........
Ok, does a bit of gardening, that’s about it really. And if he wasn’t here, I’d do it..

Cons
#Showers only twice a week and he smells

won’t use tissues and puts disgusting hankies into the laundry basket for me to wash - makes me 🤮

#Drinks way too much and is often incapable
#Embarrassing behaviour when out, so we don’t go out
#has no friends so he never goes out
#controlling twat - likes to have everything planned to the nth degree - wants meals planned 3 weeks in advance
#has been caught by me on escort websites
#crap in bed, and together with above, is why we haven’t shared a bed for over 3 years
#he’s vile and I’m planning my escape!

More questions?

Cons
Porn addiction
Angry
No intimacy
Doesn’t do any tidying up
Poor hygene
Financially can be reckless
Doesn’t take kids out unless i push him
Not keen on diy

Pros
Can be fun occassionally
Cooks on Xmases, Easter etc
Generous when he has money

I’m divorcing him at the moment

Hmmmm. As someone who is weighing up
whether to remain in a long marriage this is a good exercise:

Pros

Financially generous
High earner
In pretty good shape / fit
Good hair
100% loyal
Good taste in music
Wants to grow old together
Trying to be better in bed
Kind (sometimes)
Thinks I’m funny
Kid focused
Hard working
Can be affectionate

Cons
Picks his nose (literally watching him do this now as I type)
Anti-masker / obsessed with Covid skeptics website
Can’t summarise a story (kills me with detail)
Awful driver
Tory
Boring conversationalist mostly
Doesn’t read
Not spiritual
Has weird high pitched laugh sometimes
Only cooks v occasionally
Dislikes change / adventure
Detached from his siblings
Drinks a bit too much
Attached to iPad a lot
Wants me to take part in his hobbies but won’t consider anything I like
Repetitive in bed
Repetitive generally esp when drinking
Bit of a mansplainer

Hmmmm. Think that’s it.

Pros
Tells me everyday that he loves me.
Generous with his time and money.
Attractive.
Showers/bathes regularly.
Very practical/handy man - can fix anything.
Has high morals.
Gives amazing cuddles.
Well endowed.
My friends and family really like him.
Very passionate about his career (he looks after others).
Loves animals.
Makes me laugh everyday.

Cons
Doesn't always brush his teeth.
Picks his nose.
Doesn't rinse the bath out after he's used it.
Spends 30-45 mins on the loo!
Occasional road rage.
Short tempered.
Is very black and white.. isn't very good at understanding my emotions when I'm upset.
Indecisive, especially about what he wants to eat.
Bit vanilla in bed.
Farts!
Leaves crumbs/used teaspoon on the kitchen work top.

Pros
Lovely
Honest
Reliable
Generous
Intuitive
Funny

Cons
Stubborn
Impulsive (not always a bad thing)
Last minute with lots of things especially flights which drives me mad.
Pushes me when sometimes I really don’t want to be - Re life choices etc

Pros:

Kind
Caring
Communicative
Helpful
We share a specific interest
Affectionate
Helps out around the house

Cons:
Isn't spontaneous (I am)
Very quiet and shy in front of groups of people
Earns much less than me as he is a mature student working part time
Likes to ruminate

Pros
Smart
Attractive (to me)
Hard worker
Loyal
Principled
Does some housework
Gives me space
Real bad but tries at DIY
Takes garbage out
Goofy/good at playing with kids when in the mood
Funny when in the mood

cons
Emotionally cold (due to family)
Tight with money
Narrow minded
Bad temper and snappy/shouty
Not open
Thinks about himself first not others e.g. at mealtimes, as a party host
Poor communicator
Messy
Doesn't cook, clean or launder
Not a generous lover
Not a thinker e.g. doesnt care about climate change
Sports mad - no common TV

What does "kind" really mean.. a lot of you say it. i dont want to say DH is unkind but he definitely doesn't go out of his way to help others...

Pros- extremely kind. Very calm. Thoughtful. Honest and has a lot of integrity. Listens to me. Wants to spend a lot of time together. Makes me laugh. Strong moral compass. Always there for me. Relaxed and easygoing. Never shouts and rarely gets even slightly irritable.

Cons - has to be asked to do things around house, doesn't see mess -- but will do anything when asked. Hasn't got that much 'get up and go'. Not massively romantic in a traditional sense. Sex drive is a little lower than mine, but it's great when we get going. Not great at planning.

The pros are way bigger than the cons. The cons are all such tiny things in the grand scheme.

@HappeBee great question. For me I mean kind to me. Rather than kind to the world, although he is that, too. But I've had an abusive ex and before that a just generally not that kind ex, and I guess with my now DP it's the way he consistently puts me first. He'll do anything for me, and he looks after me just as much as I look after him. He's always ready to listen, and help me if I need. He would never, ever deliberately hurt me or be unkind to me, so I guess having previously had an unkind boyfriend, I really notice his deep goodness in our personal relationship.

Thanks @BurbageBrook. He sounds like a keeper!!

It is empathy then...and that is definitely #1 pro!

I'd like to see what your OH's would say about you. Would make for funny reading I'm
Sure

He's my ex so...

Cons - nothing

Pros - everything

Pro’s
Generally kind
Adores the kids
Nice to everyone and friendly
Handy around the house
Does the shopping
Good sense of humour
Looks after gardens,garage, car
Takes lead on financial matters
Supported me as Sahm and student
Will buy me little treats i might like

Cons-
Coward
Anti social - will talk if he has to but would choose not to see other people/go to parties
Lazy with getting things done not proactive
Lazy taking kids out or organising things for them
Not ambitious
Can be snide
Can put me down
Doesn’t support me emotionally
Doesn’t desire me in particular wants a wife but I think anyone would have done
Has a nightmare family
Can sulk

Pros:
Kind
Handsome
Intelligent and interesting
Good provider
Fair minded
Generous in the sack
Patient with our child
Very practical
Willing to share housework

Cons
Not very enthusiastic
Wants MIL to be around more frequently than I do

Pros
Financially responsible
Generous with money
Cultured and knowledgeable
Good music taste
Good sense of humour
Enjoys travel (like me)

Cons
Crap at anything domestic/DIY
Hoards tat
Can be short tempered
Low sex drive
Snores

PROS

Treats my kids from previous relationship as his own and equal to our younger two
Hard worker and always gives his all when he decides to do anything
Kind and generous
Clean and tidy person
Relaxed, never gets aggravated about anything

CONS

Works long hours and sometimes away from home in a stressful job so we miss out on being together sometimes
Likes to give me a detailed account every time he has been to a football game, it's like match of the day
Doesn't have an obvious sense of humour. He is fun but not jokey in any way and doesn't really like comedy films or tv shows

By kind I probably mean empathetic. He can understand how people feel about things and will take the time out to try and help people. it sounds obvious but so many people I have met in my life just have no concept of caring for other people and putting themselves in someone else's shoes.

Pros:
Always kind and caring
Rarely gets cross
Very laid back
Isn’t worried about me working - just wants me to be happy
Very generous
Great in bed
Indulges me in all my pets
Makes me laugh
Can cook and gets on with housework
Lets me choose what to watch on tv
Always supports my choices
Likes doing interesting things
Tells me how wonderful I am
Makes me feel special
Is very committed
Is honest and trustworthy
Follows through with all promises
Works hard
Is spontaneous
Easily gets along with people
A good son
Not interested in fashion
Hates watching sports
Doesn’t drink to excess
Doesn’t watch porn

Cons:
Farts
No sense of style
Mansplains things

Overall, he’s a definite keeper!

Pros
Kind, as in natural unforced kindness
Empathetic
Very good communicator (even awkward stuff)
A good listener, even if someone is talking about a topic he wouldn’t usually be interested in he takes a genuine interest when talking to people
Very honest
Trust worthy
Sporty
Ambitious, but just the right amount so he isn’t a workaholic
Financially responsible
Physically affectionate
Patient
Attractive, he is absolutely stunning
Great sense of humour
Has hobbies
Physically fit
Makes me feel loved and cared for
Intelligent emotionally and academically
Game geek
Puts up with me
Has a lovely bond with my son that continues to develop
Social

Cons
Could be more selfish, he needs to put himself first on a more regular basis
Snores like a fucking beast
Bad taste in music
Pertectionist about a few weird things
Arsenal fan

Ex DH...
Cons:
Closed emotionally, never opened up about feelings.
Not a naturally huggy, tactile, hands holding person.
Rubbish kisser
Boring in bed, unskilled, didn't like oral sex at all.
Would wander off randomly, on days out, in supermarkets... Just didn't consider where we were or if I needed him to help with the kids.
Drank a lot... Days out, every weekend.
Didn't drive. Wouldn't learn.
Didn't understand how I felt overwhelmed or consider my feelings.
Worked 13 hrs outside of the jouse and did bugger all when at home.
Wasn't there for me, didn't have my back.
Pros:
Excellent at diy
Earned a lot
We laughed at the same things, we were friends.
Friends in common
Excellent cook
Not tight with money.

Current partner
Pros:
Hot, sexy... To me anyway.
Amazing, generous, considerate lover. A little bit filthy 😉
Chatty
Funny, stupid, silly sense of humour but makes me laugh so much.
Tells me he loves me, all the time.
Cuddling, tactile all the time.
Generous with money, even though he's skint.
Just so lovely with people... So kind, sweet, chatty, talks to everyone.
Loves kids, so lovely with mine.
Loves cats and dogs
Clean and so careful with his nails and hair being clean.
So considerate and loving, always thinking about me.
Positive to a fault
Fun, spontaneous, takes charge sometimes which I love.
Cons:
Untidy.. His house is a mess!
Doesn't care about how things look really, as long as they function.
Smokes.. 😕
Drinks and smokes weed... But is trying to be better.
Wants children of his own... I might be too old 😕

I do love him though.. We just fit. Lid for every pot, I love that.

Pros:

Amazing in bed
Caring
Appreciative
Considerate
Easygoing
Good listener
Very calm
Practical
Happy to help with anything even things he doesn't like such as gardening

Cons:

A little tight with money - more careful than mean
Sometimes doesn't know when to stop - teasing / talking / questioning
Doesn't change underwear every day - always bodily clean & never smelly though

Compared to my ex he's an absolute saint

@HeeeeyDuggee

Pros Kind and caring Listens to and emotionally supports me Amazing step dad Does the bits of house work I hate (would do more but I enjoy it) Amazing dad. Has done more than his far share of feeds and night wakes for our 2 under 2. Generous Everything is equal money wise. It’s all family money and I never feel any pressure or worry (ex was financially abusive) Makes me feel safe and supported Funny Great in bed Always interested in my hobbies, tv show or book obsessions Gibes me back, neck and shoulder rubs without complaint

Cons
Doesnt eat pizza
Likes cricket
Can be too laid back and naive at times

Wow. A keeper. Congrats!

@SugarMiceInTheRain

Pros Great dad Finances all equal and we have equal say in what gets spent even though I earn a fraction of his earnings. More than pulls his weight round the house. Kind, caring and clearly adores his family. Supportive and appreciative of what I do for the home and family. Good at cuddles and back rubs.

Cons
Buries his head in the sand and is terrible at communicating if there's a problem. Will just claim everything's fine if I raise something.
Not interested in sex.
So laid back that it can come across as him having no passion or enthusiasm for anything, our relationship included

Are we married to the same man?

Feel like I'm married to a dead fish. Every weekend is joyless and would destroying. And really want to leave but have a 2 year old and I don't know if I'm ready to be a single mum

I mean soul destroying.