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Original poster

No Orgasms During Sex

61 replies

Confused555 · 19/10/2020 19:33

Would this bother you if you didn’t orgasm during sex? Sex doesn’t happen very frequently, maybe once every two weeks, sometimes longer, so when we do have sex, it’s frustrating when I don’t orgasm.

OP posts:
Newwayofthinking · 19/10/2020 19:36

Why aren't you having more sex?

Does your partner not make sure your satisfied during foreplay?

borntohula · 19/10/2020 21:45

Yeah, the whole thing would annoy me.

Shoxfordian · 19/10/2020 21:50

Yes
Your partner should always help you to cum

SandyY2K · 19/10/2020 21:52

Would this bother you if you didn’t orgasm during sex?

Yes it would and it has bothered me. Seems a bit pointless otherwise and it's upsetting and demoralising in my experience.

It feels like your OH can't be bothered and that you're not worth satisfying.

Heartofglass12345 · 19/10/2020 22:20

I generally orgasm with some sort of clitoral stimulation after sex or sometimes during with clitoral stimulation. Why isn't he doing that?

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/10/2020 22:23

The whole thing would bother me.

Original poster
Confused555 · 19/10/2020 22:25

I can only orgasm with clitoral stimulation. If I don’t orgasm during foreplay (it’s never long enough!) then I won’t when we get to PIV, as sex doesn’t last long enough, i generally stimulate my clit myself during sex, I’m finding it really frustrating, I know there’s more to sex intimate wise but I also know there’s a lot I’m missing out on.

OP posts:
Mintjulia · 19/10/2020 22:28

Have you explained to your partner that you need more foreplay?

SandyY2K · 19/10/2020 22:30

Does it bother him that you don't orgasm.

Coffeecak3 · 19/10/2020 22:31

Do you have oral sex? If you had oral sex before piv that may help.

BexR · 19/10/2020 22:32

I've never had an orgasm. It bothers me cos sex has never been very enjoyable. Tried everything with no joy (literally)

widespreadpanic · 20/10/2020 00:02

@BexR

I've never had an orgasm. It bothers me cos sex has never been very enjoyable. Tried everything with no joy (literally)
This sounds like me. I have never had one during sex but I can have one using a vibe. It’s probably why I don’t really care about sex too much anymore because I don’t see the point.

I am jealous of all the ladies that can orgasm from sex or oral Grin

StarlightLady · 20/10/2020 04:00

Several things would bother me here.

  • only having sex once every 2 weeks, certainly not sufficient for me;
  • not climaxing;
  • partner not seeming to care.

I don’t think it’s a major problem not climaxing from penetration. You say, you require cltoral stimulation. That’s normal. The clitoris is the main female sex organ.

OP, does he not go down on you? I was previously criticised on MN for saying that l would not have sex with someone who would not give me oral. But that is a pre sex conversation l have. I don’t think it’s wrong to have “rules” if someone is going to share your body.

StarlightLady · 20/10/2020 07:02

@widespreadpanic - You mention that you can’t climax through oral but you can with a vibey. Are you sure your partner(s) is hitting the spot and getting the appropriate pressure/motion? How long are they spending?

rorosemary · 20/10/2020 07:14

@Confused555

I can only orgasm with clitoral stimulation. If I don’t orgasm during foreplay (it’s never long enough!) then I won’t when we get to PIV, as sex doesn’t last long enough, i generally stimulate my clit myself during sex, I’m finding it really frustrating, I know there’s more to sex intimate wise but I also know there’s a lot I’m missing out on.
How about a new rule: no penetration till after your orgasm. Men wouldn't think about having unsatisfyinv sex, no reason for us to put up with it.
Dery · 20/10/2020 07:24

Some women climax through penetration alone but I think most need clitoral stimulation as well. I certainly do. Most men I have been with know this and make it part of having sex. Is your partner inexperienced or indifferent? Either way, what’s being served up is definitely not good enough, especially if it’s only once a fortnight.

Namenic · 20/10/2020 07:31

Omgyes may help.

Tadpolesandfroglets · 20/10/2020 07:34

If you are not talking to him about it then nothing will change. As one poster suggested try waiting until you climax through clitoral stimulation before PIV happens. Communication is everything and he’s probably not a mind reader.

Original poster
Confused555 · 20/10/2020 07:36

He either gives me oral, or uses fingers but it’s never for long enough to the point I cum, then when we move onto PIV it doesn’t last long enough for me to orgasm either, although I’ve never orgasmed during sex. I often use my fingers on myself during sex, he rarely does this.

OP posts:
Anothernick · 20/10/2020 07:47

@Confused555

He either gives me oral, or uses fingers but it’s never for long enough to the point I cum, then when we move onto PIV it doesn’t last long enough for me to orgasm either, although I’ve never orgasmed during sex. I often use my fingers on myself during sex, he rarely does this.
Does he know this? And what is he doing about it? The ability to satisfy a woman is, or should be, a matter of pride for a man, and it is also very stimulating. If he doesn't satisfy you his ability as a lover is in question.
category12 · 20/10/2020 07:52

Why doesn't he keep going until you orgasm?

Newwayofthinking · 20/10/2020 08:26

Does he know it's not long enough?

I will often mumble don't stop when in there but need a bit more.

My partner takes pride in making me cum, if I don't he doesn't enjoy having sex and will lose his erection.

You need to talk

Are you happy with once a fortnight?

VioletSunset · 20/10/2020 10:17

in my experience most men don't know that the clitoris is key to a female orgasm. One man I slept with didn't believe me when I said it requires more than 2 minutes of penetration to get me off. He said everyone else he'd slept with had no problem getting there during sex, and he even tried to mansplain the female orgasm to me, saying the most sensitive spot is 'deep inside' where only his penis can reach. Lol. Never saw him again.

Is there a chance he just doesn't know what you want him to do? Have you actually said you need him to use hands, toys or oral for longer? Or does he simply not care? If its the latter, get rid! Life's too short

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 20/10/2020 10:26

So when he's not given you long enough foreplay, do you say "wait, what are you doing, I haven't finished"? You need to use your words.

I know it can be really frightening especially if (like me) you were brought up to think that sex was something only men and slags liked, and if you asked for what you wanted then you must be a Slutty McWhorepants. "Nice" women can and do (and should!) feel comfortable asking a partner to help them orgasm. We can use our voices to get the things that we need, just as men do.

If you have already said "I'm not finished" and he's ignored you, or thrown a strop, then just bin the selfish cock. He's not gonna change.

Dery · 20/10/2020 10:49

As PP have said - you need to communicate to him that you need more. It sounds like you haven’t done that.

Talking about sex can be difficult but the bottom line really is that if you can’t talk to someone about the sex you’re having with them then you shouldn’t be having sex with them.