Page 3 | No Orgasms During Sex

Confused555 · 2020-10-19T18:33:46+00:00

Would this bother you if you didn’t orgasm during sex? Sex doesn’t happen very frequently, maybe once every two weeks, sometimes longer, so when we do have sex, it’s frustrating when I don’t orgasm.

SandyY2K · 20/10/2020 20:39

OP... I'd call time on the relationship. You're not sexually compatible.

IJustWantSomeBees · 20/10/2020 21:31

It is so sad that women have been conditioned to even have to ask whether this would bother them! Of course it would, what is the point of having sex if not for it to feel good (or ttc). Why is your partner too tired to make you orgasm but not too tired to make himself orgasm through piv? So selfish and points to a fundamental lack of respect for you.

Scorpiowoman80 · 21/10/2020 05:27

First of all invest in a vibrator or something for yourself, If he isn’t interested in satisfying you then do it yourself. Secondly you NEED to be more vocal. Tell him if he isn’t doing something right and teach him the correct way. My DH never used to have a clue what he was doing (despite having slept with a lot of women before!) and he’d never find the right spot so I had to guide him. If he’s just a lazy fucker that wants to get his end away and couldn’t care less about you being satisfied then either get rid or buy a rather large sex toy and tell him he can pleasure himself from now on.

MarriedtoDaveGrohl · 21/10/2020 06:47

He knows he's rubbish but appears not to care. It sounds like he's doing his duty and no more. So you or he either

finds out if there's medical problem snd sorts it
work out whether it's because he doesn't fancy you and you need to split
if he doesn't want sex maybe you should talk about you having a sexual relationship elsewhere (trust me this conversation will jolt him out of any smug rut he's in if he thinks it's ok to be a crap shag and you are just going to hang around for it)
you bite the bullet and break up

Realistically he probably watches plenty of porn and knows perfectly well he's rubbish and you're not satisfied - he's just not that bothered.That would piss me off too much to stay. That willingness to just unilaterally impose that on you knowing how unhappy it made you.

If you've got kids tell him you'll be having an open relationship as he clearly doesn't fancy you. If he bangs on about it's not just you etc he's lying if he's watching porn. It's that you are too much effort &/or not what floats his boat any more.

I wouldn't live like this. No way.

Original poster

Confused555 · 23/10/2020 23:52

Does he know this? And what is he doing about it? The ability to satisfy a woman is, or should be, a matter of pride for a man, and it is also very stimulating. If he doesn't satisfy you his ability as a lover is in question.

@Anothernick

Yes he does know this, many years ago foreplay was a big part of sex, he went through a stage of not giving oral and just using fingers a little and then moving straight onto sex, after speaking about this things got better but soon swiftly started lacking again. I haven’t orgasmed for a very long time during foreplay/sex, so the monotony of sex became boring, I wanted to introduce toys too but it wasn’t something he wanted to include, it just feels we’re not sexually compatible anymore. I don’t want to ask for more foreplay, I want to be willingly given it, having to ask takes the whole enjoyment away completely for me. I often crave passionate, mind-blowing sex.

OP posts:

Frollocks · 23/10/2020 23:57

You were confused at the start of this pish now you're an expert?

EarthSight · 24/10/2020 00:01

@Confused555

He either gives me oral, or uses fingers but it’s never for long enough to the point I cum, then when we move onto PIV it doesn’t last long enough for me to orgasm either, although I’ve never orgasmed during sex. I often use my fingers on myself during sex, he rarely does this.

Sounds rubbish. How long exactly does he spend giving you oral? A woman's orgasm can take at 20mins, on average, so there's quite a lot of variation there. Sounds like he's not that bothered.

Ginkypig · 24/10/2020 00:44

@Confused555

Does he know this? And what is he doing about it? The ability to satisfy a woman is, or should be, a matter of pride for a man, and it is also very stimulating. If he doesn't satisfy you his ability as a lover is in question.

@Anothernick

Yes he does know this, many years ago foreplay was a big part of sex, he went through a stage of not giving oral and just using fingers a little and then moving straight onto sex, after speaking about this things got better but soon swiftly started lacking again. I haven’t orgasmed for a very long time during foreplay/sex, so the monotony of sex became boring, I wanted to introduce toys too but it wasn’t something he wanted to include, it just feels we’re not sexually compatible anymore. I don’t want to ask for more foreplay, I want to be willingly given it, having to ask takes the whole enjoyment away completely for me. I often crave passionate, mind-blowing sex.

How’s everything else in the relationship? Is this a sign of issues elsewhere too?

Quite often sex is an indication of the general tone of the rest of the relationship

For example lazy, uncaring lover equaling a lazy uncaring partner
One person putting in more energy and thinking into the sex life but actually also putting more into the relationship too.

Personally i feel that If you (you but also the general you) aren’t happy then you aren’t and unless you both want to work together to make sure the relationship is working in all areas for you both then there is no point in carrying it on!

Newwayofthinking · 24/10/2020 09:50

many years ago foreplay was a big part of sex, he went through a stage of not giving oral and just using fingers a little and then moving straight onto sex

This bit jumps out at me...sex IS about foreplay and the build up, it isn't just the penetration part.

I know you feel he should want to make sure your satisfied, but you need to speak to him again.

Tell him, sex has become boring, you rarely orgasm anymore, you don't feel he is putting in the effort and it needs to change.

I would leave him if he didn't change, shows he is a lazy lover and most probably lazy in other aspects of your lives too.

MarriedtoDaveGrohl · 24/10/2020 09:59

So he 'doesn't like the idea of toys'??? Seriously???! Doesn't want to make the effort and doesn't want you to orgasm. In fact wants to stop you.

I think we are at LTB aren't we? You crave passionate mind blowing sex? That's not going to happen with this man. Let me explain something. Your sex drive in your mid 40s to early 50s goes through the roof. It never really goes away. If you've not hit your late 30s that's another sudden jump. This isn't getting better for you.

LTB and go and absolutely destroy some young guy (or guys) and then meet a lovely man who is great in bed. Anything else is simply a waste of your time. A man who is great in bed is up for toys. Wants you to come as much as possible. Wants to do whatever he can to make that happen.

selfish in bed = selfish full stop. No I'm sorry. Leave..

In the mean time buy a vibrator. You might as well have fun and it will get you match ready for when Covid stops and you can get some of the real thing.

Original poster

Confused555 · 24/10/2020 13:09

Sounds rubbish. How long exactly does he spend giving you oral? A woman's orgasm can take at 20mins, on average, so there's quite a lot of variation there. Sounds like he's not that bothered.

@EarthSight

I would say it varies, the most is about 10 minutes but most of the time it’s a lot less.

OP posts: