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Original poster

No Orgasms During Sex

61 replies

Confused555 · 19/10/2020 19:33

Would this bother you if you didn’t orgasm during sex? Sex doesn’t happen very frequently, maybe once every two weeks, sometimes longer, so when we do have sex, it’s frustrating when I don’t orgasm.

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 20/10/2020 10:56

@VioletSunset - Sometimes l wonder if the clitoris needs a sign post!!! As long as women continue to give men “mis-information” about non-orgasms we will not progress.

If l’m having sex with someone, l am captain of the ship, instructions from the bridge include “down you go” and they stay down untill further instructions are received.

movingonup20 · 20/10/2020 10:57

He needs to make it part of the foreplay or after (or bothGrin) talk about it!

VioletSunset · 20/10/2020 11:28

I agree @StarlightLady. I think if a man has watched a lot of porn where women are having explosive 'orgasms' from PIV and no oral or manual stimulation, and the real life women they have sex with are too shy to tell them what gets them off they will never learn. I like at least one orgasm before penetration, and then i am likely to have one or two more. Luckily I've been with my partner for 6 years and we know what works for each other, but at the start of the relationship I wasn't shy in saying what I need.

Mamette · 20/10/2020 11:34

He said everyone else he'd slept with had no problem getting there during sex, and he even tried to mansplain the female orgasm to me, saying the most sensitive spot is 'deep inside' where only his penis can reach. Lol. Never saw him again.

I’ve had several exes who’ve informed me that “every other girl” can come as a result of p in v only and that I’m the problem. One of them got really angry and aggressive with me when I said loads of women can’t.

VioletSunset · 20/10/2020 11:37

@memette maybe we slept with the same bloke??

I told him to google it, he said he didn't need to as he had lots of experience with real women. He genuinely thought there was something wrong with me. I can see why women would continue to fake it after an experience like that!

VioletSunset · 20/10/2020 11:41

@Mamette

GilbertMarkham · 20/10/2020 11:42

@Mamette

He said everyone else he'd slept with had no problem getting there during sex, and he even tried to mansplain the female orgasm to me, saying the most sensitive spot is 'deep inside' where only his penis can reach. Lol. Never saw him again.

I’ve had several exes who’ve informed me that “every other girl” can come as a result of p in v only and that I’m the problem. One of them got really angry and aggressive with me when I said loads of women can’t.

I hate the women who fake just as much as the men who have no clue and no skills.

They help make them and keep them that way.

StarlightLady · 20/10/2020 11:58

An appeal to all women. Please, never fake it, you are doing neither yourself or anyone else a favour.

And never be frightened to show someone who is lost where your clitoris actually is.

SoulofanAggron · 20/10/2020 12:09

What I found when I went back to having relationships with men in my 40s, is a lot of them have learned this weird technique where they finger you by jabbing at the supposed G-spot rather than focussing on the clit. Doesn't do much for me at all. Maybe if it was during a lot of clitoral stimulation, but not on its own.

@Confused555 Sounds like your bloke is quite shit in bed TBH. Maybe give him a chance by saying what you need/want, and if he doesn't step up then bin him.

Laufeythejust · 20/10/2020 12:17

Everyone’s different- oral foreplay does absolutely nothing for me but hands and PIV sex does. You need to communicate with him and tell him what you like otherwise he will never know. What works for one woman won’t necessarily work for another.

widespreadpanic · 20/10/2020 12:25

@StarlightLady He spends a while down there and uses decent pressure but for some reason doesn’t work. Maybe I’m just used to the vibe but it’s very disappointing

Fcuk38 · 20/10/2020 12:30

Well putting it bluntly why are you allowing him to shag you when you know he hasn’t made you orgasm? You tell him NO, and put his hand / Mouth back to where you enjoy. It’s your body you know what you like, men aren’t bloody mind readers.

GilbertMarkham · 20/10/2020 12:32

I read 75% as a figure for women who don't climax from (only) penetrative sex.

But I've always been confused about whether most women can climax during penetrative sex if they or their partner stimulates their clitoris, or not.

I can't (well to date) even if I try to to stimulate clitoris during penetrative sex. The penetration makes me feel like I nearly lose all feeling in clitoris 😩.

SoulofanAggron · 20/10/2020 12:37

@Laufeythejust I really don't like receiving oral either, but most men are keen to do it, they don't skive off when the woman is keen like some of the men described in this thread. Their ego is based partly on thinking they could satisfy a woman or are good at oral.

TiersTiersTiers · 20/10/2020 13:05

Does your partner know you don't orgasm? If not, let him know. Tell him what you need and spend more time relaxing and building up. It's not all about his needs so make sure you express what you want.

Original poster
Confused555 · 20/10/2020 13:07

It’s not just the lack of orgasm, it’s the absence of regular sex too. Both have been spoken about in the past, a lot of the time it’s because he’s tired. I can’t force him to give foreplay for longer, he’s got to want to do it himself too.

OP posts:
TiersTiersTiers · 20/10/2020 13:08

When I first got together with my partner he moved from giving oral and I pushed him back down and told him to keep going. Be in charge. He said afterwards he loved it, the dominance, the confidence to ask for what you want. Men know what they want and get it, why are some women so reluctant to say I haven't come yet - be honest and get the orgasms that you deserve!

Deadringer · 20/10/2020 13:31

If i never orgasmed i wouldn't bother with sex. As a pp said you come first, then piv.

Anothernick · 20/10/2020 13:58

@TiersTiersTiers

When I first got together with my partner he moved from giving oral and I pushed him back down and told him to keep going. Be in charge. He said afterwards he loved it, the dominance, the confidence to ask for what you want. Men know what they want and get it, why are some women so reluctant to say I haven't come yet - be honest and get the orgasms that you deserve!
Exactly. I love it when my DW pushes my head down and moans "don't stop" when I am doing the business. Like getting a gold star from the teacher.....
Eesha · 20/10/2020 15:17

@Anothernick oooooo I'm going to try this one!

suggestionsplease1 · 20/10/2020 15:43

If he's saying he's tired you might have a hard job convincing him for more frequent sex or longer foreplay. 'Not long enough' during foreplay can mean different things to different people - 5 mins, 1.5 hours...

If the time he is spending is not long enough but quite a long time objectively (although granted, that is difficult to quantify as women are all very different in ease with which they orgasm alone. or with others) then honestly, I would probably incorporate a vibrator if I were you and then when he is less tired encourage him to spend longer on foreplay.

rorosemary · 20/10/2020 16:54

@Confused555

It’s not just the lack of orgasm, it’s the absence of regular sex too. Both have been spoken about in the past, a lot of the time it’s because he’s tired. I can’t force him to give foreplay for longer, he’s got to want to do it himself too.
That's fine. He can stop when he wants to. Doesn't mean that he suddenly gets to put his energy into PIV sex thpugh. His orgasm doesn't trump yours. No orgasm for you = no orgasm for him.
SandyY2K · 20/10/2020 18:28

When I first got together with my partner he moved from giving oral and I pushed him back down and told him to keep going. Be in charge. He said afterwards he loved it, the dominance, the confidence to ask for what you want. Men know what they want and get it, why are some women so reluctant to say I haven't come yet - be honest and get the orgasms that you deserve

Just as every woman is different, so is every man.

It worked in your relationship, but one size doesn't fit all ...pun not intended.Smile

Original poster
Confused555 · 20/10/2020 20:23

Yes have spoken, i just feel we’re very different now, sex drives, I want to be much more experimental, I want to use toys as part of our sex lives, enjoy long passionate sex until I orgasm but I don’t think it will happen. It’s like we’re having maintenance sex every time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Confused555 · 20/10/2020 20:28

@suggestionsplease1

My not long I mean 10 minutes maximum, mostly less!

OP posts: