I can see my adult DD is ill but I can’t find a way to discuss it with her

[TiggerDatter]

Just that really. She’s late 20s and we are very very close. We’ve literally never argued. She’s been through terrible illness as a child, and a series of disappointments and reversals in her 20s. It absolutely breaks my heart 💔. Now I can see that she is physically in poor condition, but she will be so hurt if I point it out. Everyone else hurts her, not me 😢. What do I do?

I get that you’re a mother but I doubt telling your daughter she’s fat with improve her mental health in fact it will make it 100x worse. I recently gained a lot of weight due to depression (And birth control) but I am currently working it off now. If my mum turned around to me and told me I was fat I’d honestly be so broken that I’d end up thinking ‘fuck it’ and devouring the fridge. You need to compliment her, buy her some new clothes , get your nails done with her etc. If she feels good in herself trust me she’ll want to change her weight (even though it’s definitely not anyone else’s choice!)

Don't mention her weight, she knows she's put it on, pointing it out serves no purpose. I'm over weight and the worst thing someone can do is point out your weight. If you've never had a weight issue you wouldn't understand how it makes you feel when someone mentions your weight gain.

I do have some understanding of weight gain from my own experience, and I know her well enough to know she would be hurt if I blundered in. It’s the thyroid test I want to encourage her to sort...

To be fair she ‘owns’ being fat and isn’t ashamed of it, doesn’t hide herself away or anything. Some of that is bravado, some of that is her disgust at society ‘fat-shaming’, and I totally support that. But if there is an underlying health issue then that needs to be addressed and sorted.

If she gained weight while on medications, it's medically or chemically induced weight gain. I know someone who gained 3 stones within months on antidepressants.
However, as soon as she stops medications and her body detox, she will lose that extra weight.

It doesn’t just go though. You have to make it go.

Yes, so many of the anti depressants increase your appetite so much.

It's like a vicious circle. Eating when bored or depressed. Take the meds and feel somewhat better but the weight gain makes you sad so you eat more.

Venlafaxine has been good for not gaining weight.

But no, I wouldn't mention the weight gain.
I've brought up health concerns with my grown DC by mentioning I was getting blood work and if they'd do it with me. No, they don't live near me either.

They usually will do it.
I've asked them if they'd do an exercise video with me a few times to get started.

Anyway, it has actually turned out well.
My DS got his back fixed up. DD is back doing yoga.
I'm keeping up with health and fitness.