How to approach

[Therealthing43]

So, been dating since end May. I havent been in a relationship for years. He has had a string of relationships. He tells me he loves me. He's told me he has rushed in the past. Lots of effort initially.
Slowly im losing confidence and have nearly ended it a few times. Either it is a communication mismatch or he could be potentially controlling. Im very wary having being in a controlling relationship before. I want healthy boundaries and him to respect them. So here is the issue,which was evident quite early one. He likes to talk about himself.. if i try to contribute to the conversation he feels im interrupting and has mentioned that! so I listen, a lot, almost dare not join in. He doesnt ask much about me apart from putting me on the spot 'tell me about yourself' but which time im a little dumbfounded. I dont feel heard, or loved, or cherished. There are other examples. Eg texting, i will say something and he will respond hours later with something else. So, I dont feel validated. I keep thinking it can change. Its causing resentment and frustration. He seems genuinely upset when I bring it up. I dont have communication issues with other people, I feel i can adjust and read them. Any ideas? it cant be all me but I am questioning myself. Off for a video call with him so I'll be back later. The spark is there, the banter and communication is failing.

He is a narcissist. Hanging on in the hope he'll change is like hoping the sun won't set. By leaving a door open and not blocking him on WhatsApp, you allow your anxiety to spike at every beep of your phone. You're allowing for further contact which is detrimental for your health.

@Therealthing43. I didnt sleep either. Started a new thread about ruminative thoughts. You are welcome to join!

I get terrible symptoms of anxiety. Woke in panic. I am alone!!! Fuck!!! But it will be ok in time. I have been here before.

Don’t blame yourself. So what if you had peri symptoms? He wasn’t the first man to deal with this. Lucky you dumped him. A life partner (I’m assuming this is what you wanted!) should be able to support you through it.

I hear you when you say it had to be all about him,him,him. Mine was exactly the same. I would zone out, too. Mine would go on about how wonderful his stuff was, and sometimes - for fun - I would challenge him on it. He didn’t like me standing up to him!

Perhaps with my nature, I need to be more assertive. YES. This stands out to me from your posts. I think I’m a little bit ahead of you - in years but maybe life experiences. I’ve had to grow a thick skin since my divorce.

Don’t take any shit! If he doesn’t feel good enough, it’s his problem, not yours. Don’t make it your problem.

I’m glad you’ve kept him blocked. Healthiest all round. These men are often not transparent, so it won’t be clear if there are other women or how. Mine had a little “waiting room”, I think. But I don’t care.

Can you get to a point where you don’t care? You are too good for him. This is what he noticed! It’s fine to have boundaries. This man has different boundaries to yours. It will never work. And if you continue to have him in your life, there won’t be space for the more lovely person to find his way!

Falling asleep was crap. When he was away, he would go silent for almost whole days and it would be his sleeping. He was pretty useless sometimes.

Yes, if you can, why not organise some counselling? Take this time for you. I’ve got a couple of other threads where people have made helpful suggestions.

I doubt I’ll hear from mine. He knows I am strong and boundaries, and he won’t be able to cope with rejection. I know his style. He will be busy telling everyone what a needy person I am and how cool he is. I don’t care.

I’ve been working from home so I could follow him around everywhere. No need for that any more, in fact it will do me good to get out. I kind of work for myself, so will try to organise more of that, but also I have my kids home for half term so will be ferrying them around.

Urgh this anxiety! It’s shit.
Stay strong!

Thinking of you, @Therealthing43 and hope you day has been better. Mine has been more positive! I’m cooking nicer food and tending to my children. Had great chat with close male friend who knows us both and who has always been good company when he was away. I’m so lucky.

I hope you are ok. I imagine you are at work. Hope your day is productive.

@RussetandGold. Very busy, not so productive and very anxious. Glad your day is going well. I will check in properly later