I'm a prat, please help me keep my dignity

[Mermaidwaves]

I met a guy online six months ago and we have had a FWB thing going on. I fell for him hard but he made it clear after our first encounter that he didn't want more than FWB.

The chemistry was amazing and I haven't had sex like it, I was addicted to him and although it finished in May we resumed after a few weeks as I couldn't stay away from him.

Like an absolute fool I convinced myself that he would fall for me, that the chemistry must mean something. He has past issues and I made all sorts of excuses why he couldn't be with me properly.

Well you've guessed it, he now has a proper girlfriend who he is doing all those coupley things that I was so keen to have with him. He's cooled it with me but I'm guessing leaving things open for the future as he is being vague.

I'm so angry at myself for wasting six months on this guy, boring all my friends with trying to analyse his every move. Wasting time and emotions on a man who didn't like me enough to make me his girlfriend. I feel pathetic that I couldn't see the situation for what it was. I desperately want to message him and ask why her and not me? What does she have that I don't? Please talk me out if this as I need to keep a shred of dignity and self respect but I'm struggling to accept its over.

I think you should be pleased with yourself for being annoyed at yourself iyswim. That’s your self esteem talking.

I have a friend who gets into these obsessions (even when there’s been no sexual contact) and it goes on for years and there’s no insight. She doesn’t have the gumption to see it for what it is and move on. You obviously do even though you are wobbling.

Listen to your self esteem which is telling you to get beyond this man who is now irrelevant to you and get back to your actual life.

Next step - delete his number.

Its really helped writing it down as I've spent months talking about him to friends and trying to look for little signs that he has feelings too. Deleting his number is my next step as even if he messages me I can pretend its a wrong number in my mind so I'm not tempted to reply. I'm not hoping he will message but I've found before if I go quiet on him he reaches out, trying to give me a crumb I guess.

Ive been the woman (very recently) that has been cheated on.
And I can tell you now, if she knew she would be wondering what you had that she didn't.

Good on you for not contacting him though. The FWB was harassing mine for more and he turned her down and ended up calling the police because she didn't leave him alone (not that he should have put himself in that situation in the first place!)

Be kind to yourself though. And remember it isn't your fault! He was just being an egotistical douchebag .. you do deserve someone to settle down with! And you will find it eventually x

He didn't cheat though

I had a "fuck buddy" I thought we were getting on ok then one night made it obvious he was looking for someone else to shag. He went quiet then. I was sad because I too started to like him. After 2 months he started messaging again. Trying to compliment me and trying his hardest to get me to meet. I haven't. Be strong op. Someone is out there who will adore you and not treat you like a play thing.