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Original poster

Following on from porn threads, opinions wanted on lap dancing clubs please.

80 replies

suwoo · 12/10/2007 10:12

OK, So DH has occasionally gone to lap dancing clubs in the 10 years we have been together, 3 times a year ish and always with a group on a works do for example. His mate has become slightly obsessed recently and with one particular 'dancer'. He has asked my DH to accompany him and DH to his credit has turned him down on more than a few occasions (he wanted just the two of them to go during working hours ) Just after I had DS, DH received a text from his mate saying that this 'dancer' had been asking after the baby and congratulating him. I obviously lost the plot as was not feeling good about my body image etc, 1 week post partum. DH last went in April and is due to go again in November following a golf day. He is honest about when he goes and how many dances he has, but it just makes me feel so shit. I recently found out that they don't wear knickers and just how close to the men they actually get (think I was being naive before) I know how men get off and its not meaningful and I believe him when he says it doesn't affect our relationship at all. I just can't stop thinking about it at the moment.
So, sorry for the lenghth of that, its really a WWYD?

OP posts:
Original poster
suwoo · 12/10/2007 12:11

LilBloodRed, thats my problem too. I am so paranoid about my body, though only a size 10.

OP posts:
Tortington · 12/10/2007 12:12

i would leave my dh if he had another womans vag that close to his cock.

i can't see how its reasonable and acceptable

i can't

themildmanneredaxemurderer · 12/10/2007 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

themildmanneredaxemurderer · 12/10/2007 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DrNortherner · 12/10/2007 12:14

Such a way with words custy

mumblechum · 12/10/2007 12:14

I wouldn't leave mine but I'd chop his cock off.

seriously.

There's no way he's ever allowed to go into one of those clubs. He's in New York every other week so he prob. gets lots of opportunities, but he knows he'd be dead if I found out.

Original poster
suwoo · 12/10/2007 12:16

I would never want to stop him though, I'm not that kind of person that would say 'don't go'. It doesn't make me THAT unhappy that I can't bear it.

OP posts:
UnquietDad · 12/10/2007 12:21

I can think of few things less erotic than having some sweaty, thin, exploited, over-painted bint - who has no intention of sleeping with you or doing anything remotely human or spontaneous - gyrating semi-naked over you in a curtained "private" room. Seriously.

The smile of a real, fully-clothed woman raising her eyebrows can be a hundred times sexier.

DrNortherner · 12/10/2007 12:23

When I went lots of them weren't that thin actually UD!!!

But yes, all these women who wory about porn/lap dancers when a woman at work could be a much more real danger.....

Original poster
suwoo · 12/10/2007 12:27

Oh, thanks Dr Northerner, something else to worry out

OP posts:
Oenophile · 12/10/2007 12:27

I agree with Custy and TMMAM, and I'm really surprised that so many posters are OK with their man having a woman wriggle her naked vag all over his lap. Way too personal and in a different league from him looking at porn, which I'm fine with.

Not sure what I'd do in your case though, since he's being so 'reasonable' and honest about it. But I don't think you're being unreasonable in the slightest to have a problem with it, it's the people who are ok with it that I find, well, strange

Original poster
suwoo · 12/10/2007 12:27

about

OP posts:
DrNortherner · 12/10/2007 12:28

suwoo, didn't mean it like that

I think if your dh is honest, rings yuo when he is going in and leaving then imo you have nothing to worry about. He is being honest and you are not preventing him from doing anything.

Original poster
suwoo · 12/10/2007 12:30

Thanks

OP posts:
DrNortherner · 12/10/2007 12:32

I don't think men who ocassionally go to lapdancing clubs or have a private dance need shooting.

I think men who shag around without a second thought for their wives and kids at home need shooting and that women who forgive infidelity are strange. But that's a whole different thread.....

I trust my dh implicity, I know he would NEVER have an affair, I know I can turn him on like no one else and I am comfortable with my own body. Maybe that's why it is not an issue for me should he go to one.

But of course this is just my opinion.

NotQuiteCockney · 12/10/2007 12:43

Woah ... he makes a 'vom' face when you offer to do a private dance for him? I'd be a hell of a lot more bothered by that, than by any number of lapdances ...

EricL · 12/10/2007 12:50

I have been once on a stag night under duress and it wasn't pleasant at all.

I know some men like this sort of thing but i found the whole thing to be really seedy. They don't want to 'entertain' you - they just want your money and you can see them being directed around to the people who they think will give them the most.

I thought the girls doing it looked like complete classless tarts as well and the sort of girls i wouldn't go anywhere near on a night out, or find attractive.

I hope you ladies don't think we all go for this kind of stuff. I like looking at attractive girls of course - but in that kind of environment it is just sad.

When i was single i used to enjoy going out and using my wit and charm to get a lady - and actually get something real out of it like some entertaining intelligent banter and physical contact.

EricL · 12/10/2007 12:53

Plus i get the best 'lap dances' that money can't buy at home anyway.

DrNortherner · 12/10/2007 12:55

Yes I'd slap him for the vom face too. Just read that bit

Original poster
suwoo · 12/10/2007 12:58

Yeah the 'vom face' does upset me, but I think its more his discomfort than anything serious.

OP posts:
DrNortherner · 12/10/2007 12:59

So he's uncomfortable about seeing his wife dancing in teh privacy of his own home but not a stranger in a bar?

Original poster
suwoo · 12/10/2007 13:01

I don't know... good point. We never talk about sex , think he's just embarrassed maybe? I don't think its a massive issue, as our sex life is fine. God, I intended to show him this thread, don't know now.

OP posts:
Elizabetth · 12/10/2007 13:09

It's really weird how money changing hands makes the unacceptable acceptable.

If a bloke did this at a party, persuaded a woman to take her clothes off and rub herself against him while he has an erection and even an orgasm I'm sure in most households divorce lawyers would be being threatened and someone would be sleeping on the sofa for a good long time.

Men know how much this stuff upsets women but the ones who do it just don't care. It's not that it's nothing to him suwoo (because if it was he would stop), it's that your feelings about this are nothing to him at the moment. Tell him you won't put up with it any longer. There's nothing in the marriage vows that says you have to tolerate shit like this.

I also have to wonder what kind of a man wants to degrade women in this manner. Lap-dancers get a horrible time and have to take a lot of abuse from their customers. Most of them end up hating men.

Original poster
suwoo · 12/10/2007 13:15

Ooh Elizabetth, thats harsh but I do see your point, I understand you saying that he would stop if it was nothing, but when I say nothing, I mean that he enjoys it at the time, but don't think it has a long lasting affect or impact on his/my life. And I'm sorry if it sounds harsh but I couldn't give a flying fuck about the lap dancers and how they feel

OP posts:
Tortington · 12/10/2007 13:15

im bemused by the whole thing - on the one hand your trying to tell us that your not bothered enough to stop him

stop him? how about a converstaion that goes - i don't that you go. i don't find it acceptable that nekkid women dance in your crotch - call me old fashioned but there it is! - not stopping him telling him you dont like it - if he loves you he wont go.

also the benumement continues as your obviously jealous that he is looking at tight sweaty sexy nekkid bodies and comparing them to your own - this isn't healthy.

so the upshot is - it botheres you a lot and you should tell him.