Help me - I can’t cope

[HelpMePlease74]

My partner is emotionally abusing me every time he’s drunk.

I’ve ended up on anti depressants, my daughter is struggling and anxious and I’m just begging him to make it right and not do this and he’s just more and more nasty.

I know what I have to do but I’m just a shell of the strong independent woman that I was and I’m just not strong enough to cope

Go to a women's refuge and stay there, then let your friend know where you are. She'll understand she has to move.

You need to get out.

Sorry just read the full thread, well done for getting out. NEVER be tempted to go back, he will make out to be sorry and say he'll change but just remember that people don't change.

Well done, I know it seemed such a big step. I know it’s upheaval but your daughter will be relieved to be safe.

What a strong woman you are. You were ready to go, you just needed the confidence to do it.

There is no question you have done the right thing.

Be mindful of labeling yourself in negative ways. You are strong, courageous and capable. Believe it

Tell your friend what is happening. If she is a true friend she won't want to see you suffer and will probably help with solutions that have no one out on their ear.
Talk to the women's centre / women's aid and look at the freedom project. Guys who are coercive rarely stop there but even if they do you need your self esteem back soonest and you will only do that when you can have the strength to move on.
Good luck.

Well done indeed.

You will not look back.

Now you have removed yourself from the environment where he hurts you, you will feel better and better. You'll be surprised how quickly your real self comes out of hiding and you feel ok!! 🙂

You have a house, your own house - that's fantastic. And much as you don't want to disturb your friend, it's v good she's taken the initiative to move on ASAP.

You going to be ok, OP. It's all ok now.

Thank you everyone. Feeling sad and missing him this morning. Luckily I think the bit of him that doesn’t see what he does and puts it on me making him treat me badly when drunk is actually keeping him from contacting me at the moment so that’s helpful while I work through this. You guys have been great x

I hope you're doing ok, OP. You are very strong

Stay strong, keep busy and congratulations, you’ve done great.

How are you doing OP

Best of luck❤ You did the right thing for you and your daughter xx

Well, Day 2 was sort of okay. Getting used to a new house and the new town made me realise how much is changing and I got tearful as this wasn’t how I wanted the relationship to go. I also miss the idea of him terribly - I’m sort of okay but it does hurt and I am sad and just wish it would get better quickly.

On a positive note, the constant anxious chest pain has gone.

Thanks all! Night night xx

What you are feeling is normal, you’re grieving for what the relationship could have been. It does hurt, the regret, the ‘what if’s’ but remember the relationship was what it was, and that’s why you were brave enough to leave. These sad moments will last for some time but you’ll find they become fewer and further between as you journey onwards. One day you’ll be surprised to realise.....hey I didn’t think about him once,.....and that’ll be a wonderful day. Have a great day tomorrow.

Well done! Ignore missing him etc, you're going to feel better and better everyday. You've realigned with your real purpose, you were on the wrong path being with him, you'll sleep better and feel better more and more now.

Can you access counselling?

It's hard to leave, even when we know we must. Sometimes professional help is needed. Abuse damages your self-concept and mental health; therapy can help put you together again so you can begin to act in ways congruent with the urgency of the situation.

Ignore, should have read the thread, sorry!

Hi all,

I just wanted to say thank you all so much again.

It's now a good few days since I left him suddenly last Wednesday - most importantly my daughter and I have settled safely into my friend's house for now and my daughter has said she feels much less anxious and stressed is spending a lot of time with us rather than just in her room.

I forced myself to go on a planned weekend with my girlfriends as my daughter was staying with her boyfriend and I would have gone mad with nothing to do.

Things are still intensely painful and I feel pretty desolate and stuff still but I think I'll be okay - just read all your messages again too and they are all so lovely.

My best friend/tenant has also started looking for another property so (fingers crossed) I can get us properly home and settled soon.

Thank you all so much - reaching out to you all really really helped me finally leave and do this xxx

Well done. You did all this, youre braver than you think!

I am thanks @AlwaysCheddar, just need to work on the scraping my dignity back together and feeling myself again/not missing him xx

Hi, so pleased to read your update, hey - as far as your dignity goes.....that was never in question, never fear. I gently suggest you are missing the person you ‘wished’ he could have been.

You’ve made a brilliant start, it’s simply taking it day by day. You’re on your way and here’s wishing you every happiness. X

thank you @Onthemaintrunkline xx

Well done op,

Please please never go back, this pain will go and you will have a bright future ahead as will your daughter.

Focus on the better future when you wobble or have a bad day, he will never change.

🌹For you OP.

Oh, I spoke to soon - he got in touch about 'admin' type stuff and has started threatening a bit - he took some videos of me crying and being pathetic and half naked but seems to think it was me abusing him and said this:

"As you said, I don’t think there’s anything else to talk about, all your stuff is safe here, until you want to collect it.
I’d be careful bounding around the word abuse o r shall I send you some photos or video’s?
Let’s just be nice and make this as easy as possible please!"

I said even taking the videos was abuse and a criminal offence and to stop threatening me with them or I'd speak to the police and he just keeps saying "As I said, be nice and let’s make this as easy as possible."

You are amazing for getting out and getting yourself and your daughter safe.
Next step, no more phone contact, only deal with emails and request police go with you to get your belongings. Report everything to police, and do not believe anything he is saying that he will be nice ‘if you are nice’. He is twisting the blame for his abuse back onto you. Your behaviour is not in question, his is. He is a liar. Do not trust him. Ever.

Ask police what to do and how you should communicate with him and safety get your belongings going forward as he is continually threatening to show demeaning videos of you. Do not go there alone to get your things. Do not believe him that he will be reasonable.