Round and round in circles

[Sooki6]

My OH and I have had a rocky time since we had our children 9 years ago. I’m exhausted with his changing moods and have literally hit a wall. Small incidents seem huge for me now- like today, we had 25 mins before Sainsbury’s shut and I needed to get our DD some pyjamas and so asked him to get done bread and some lunch box bits so that we could get it all done. His reaction is ‘sort yourself out.’ I just feel deflated all of the time. I feel like I’m constantly being critisized and that for him, he’d be happy with a woman who just did it all. I don’t even know where I’m going with this, I’m just exhausted and feel completely unappreciated.

I hate to be the type that just mindlessly says LTB, but honestly what are you gaining from this relationship?

Nothing

What would enable you to leave?

A hell of a lot of bravery and a crystal ball. We’ve not long moved and so it’d be ten times harder because I’d have to move my children again.

How can a situation arise that pj's need to be bought in 25 mins?

It’s just the tip of a humongous iceberg. My point is that even silly everyday things are now upsetting.

I must admit I find the pyjama thing confusing. How can buying pyjamas be such an emergency? There's only 25 minutes to get to the store and this has to be done right now? Why? Why should your husband share the same sense of urgency for pyjamas that you simply don't need right this second? I wouldn't be arsed with that either on a Sunday night.

My point is that even silly everyday things are now upsetting.

That's point I was trying to make above. Silly things that shouldn't even cause an argument. I'm not saying your husband doesn't have flaws, but making a battle over pyjamas you don't even need to get right now is just ridiculous. If you were so hell bent on getting to the shop, then you should have dealt with it. We all have to pick out battles and this one is just pointless.

Why did 2 adults have to go to the shops?

Let’s all not get too over invested in the merits of when to buy PJ’s.

OP I doubt very much your relationship is going to significantly improve over time if it has been unhappy for years already. You don’t have to stay, it might require you being brave but better brave then thoroughly miserable.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

I’m thinking the pyjamas were the straw that broke the camels back. There’s other issues going on with OP and her DP.

That certainly sounds like a pointless argument. I always order the kids' clothes online and just collect from store.

You’re right, it all sounds completely ridiculous and without a back story, it’s just pathetic really. We do have a back story. I’m unhappy in my relationship. I feel unappreciated. I work full time, do all of the cleaning more or less, all of the washing and ironing of the kids clothes, lunch, listening to them read- everything. So when he says- sort yourself out, because I come across as unorganised because I made the choice to stop by Sainsbury’s on a Sunday afternoon, it’s just an example of how I’m never enough, never good enough. I’m exhausted and depressed and so that silly example sounds so stupid without the other bits.

What is actively stopping you from parting from this man?. You’ve also stated you’re getting nothing out of this so why are you still there?.

How can you be helped into leaving?.

We’ve recently bought a house in a new area and I know we’d have to move as my OH would want the money from the equity in the house. The idea of it all is just horrible. The alternative is to plot along like this which sometimes feels like the easier option. I’m sorry, I’m not helpful at all here, I just need a space to vent my feelings.

*plod

Sorry for the delay in replying but why are you doing all of the cleaning/washing/everything?

This is the issue. Stop doing so much.

PS if you both work full time then can you get a cleaner for a better work/life balance?

How are you today, OP?
You sounded at the end of your tether on Sunday, I've only just read your posts. You say you have only just moved, and that your DH would want the equity in the house, but if your'e married you should be entitled to half of everything.
Could you set yourself a goal to leave in say, 2 years time? Do some planning, on your phone's memo (use a screen lock) It's a long time to wait, and you sound exhausted now, but it would give you something to aim for?

Life is too bloody short for this crap.

Yes, divorcing and potentially selling up would be painful and difficult. But that's short-term.

"Plodding along" is long-term. "Plodding along" is dragging it out for years and years getting older and more worn down and chipped away. "Plodding along" is modelling this kind of relationship to your children where dad is nasty and mum does everything and is treated like shit. You have a dd - is this the relationship template you want to give her?