I started a thread about my relationship last weekend. The advice was all good - largely that I should talk to him about it.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4035084-He-doesnt-love-me-Stay-or-go-WWYD
I didn't have chance to speak to him during the week so I thought I'd wait and see how the weekend played out.
And this is how it has gone.
I arrived at his on Friday evening after an awful week at work. I was exhausted and emotionally drained. He asked how my day had been. I said that it hadn't been great and had cried 3 times at work which is very unlike me. I said I'd spoken to a colleague at the end of the day (as an explanation for arriving at his a bit late) and he said, "oh good. So you've offloaded already. Not that I don't want to hear about it..." but he didn't want to hear about it.
Last night, we went out with friends. We arrived at the pub and he made a quip about my parking along the lines of, "no, it's fine, why take one parking space when you can take up two". I said it was fine and told him to get out and check. I was within the lines but the angle was a bit squiffy. So he 'supposed' it was the perfect parking for someone who drives a convertible.
We got into the pub and he pretty much ignored me. I felt uncomfortable all night and realised it was because the last time we'd seen these friends, he'd made an 'innocent' comment afterwards about me talking too much.
I went outside for a smoke and there were 3 early 20s lads out there who were clearly a bit tipsy. One came over and started chatting to me. He said my boyfriend was a lucky man and earnestly told me I was beautiful several times in that way that drunk lads do 🙄 I told him that, at 45, I was old enough to be his mother and to have a good night. But it made me feel a bit sad to realise that, in the year we've been together, my boyfriend has never told me that or complimented me very much at all really.
I got back inside and there was another mutual friend standing at our table (in a mask of course). Haven't seen him for months. He was telling my boyfriend how lucky he was to be with me, that I'm beautiful, lovely and a keeper etc. I just felt embarrassed and shame at him saying it because I know that isn't how this man sees or feels about me at all.
One of the women asked how work was going and how we were managing with the covid restrictions (which have been why work was so difficult last week). I gave her a brief overview as much as anything because I wanted him to hear just how bad it had been. He said nothing. She was appalled by what she heard (and rightly so) and said at least I had a sympathetic ear and indicated him. I said nothing. But I realised that he just doesn't care.
We got home and chatted for a bit. He described an experience that made him understand why women don't appreciate compliments from random men and we talked about that for a while. He told me that he has often offered compliments to random strangers but wouldn't again. He said that only last week he saw a woman in the supermarket who had "the most amazing hair" he'd ever seen and so he'd told her so. He said he wasn't trying to hit on her but had just thought something nice about her and so wanted to tell her. All I can take from that is that he never thinks anything nice about me given that he doesn't compliments me. I mean, he's told me a few times I look nice before a night out and that my hair looks nice when I've straightened it but that's not a lot in a year when he felt compelled to approach a complete stranger last week.
I was just feeling pretty shit by then so went to sit in another room on my own for a bit. He said he was going up to hed and he'd see me soon and kissed me before he went up. Again, I realised it was the first time he'd kissed me since I arrived the previous day. I sat with my thoughts for a while before going up to bed.
I lay on my back next to him. Normally, I'm quite affectionate but obviously wasn't feeling it. He put his arm around me for a while as usual and then he placed his hand on my stomach for a while and, again, I realised that it was months since he'd done that.
I'm at his now and about to start working. I'm going to talk to him when he wakes and end it.
Sorry for chapter and verse, I just needed to get it out and I need to hear that there isn't an alternative, reasonable, excusable explanation for any of this.
I also think that I want to explain but also think he'll just boil it down to me overreacting, being needy and upset that he said something nice to someone else when it's none of those things.
Thanks.