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Original poster

Partner looking at provocative Instagram accounts..

56 replies

instajealous · 03/10/2020 23:18

Do you have a problem with your significant other looking at naked girls on Instagram... I mean like glamour model style perfection.. super provocative shots..

I'm not sure if this is commonplace and means nothing or if this is something I am right to be feeling concerned about. These girls are unattainably perfect and he is following new accounts too... just makes me feel like a troll who he couldn't possibly find attractive!

What would you think if your partner was doing this?

OP posts:
Iloveme30 · 03/10/2020 23:27

Just me but I wouldn't be happy 🤬 my hubby watches porn alright I've gotten over it 🙄 it's not regular and ... and this is the thing he's very open and honest about it so it's like whatever 🙄 more important things going on in the world . But no he would never do that that's just lousy isn't it well I hope he has his six pack in order your hubby and he's as buff as ...
insta is all filters and even my 19 year old thinks them girls are a turn off they are not real ! Xx
Don't let it reflect on you .. it's nothing to do with how you are if he was married to one of them he'd still be looking 🤗xx

Jellykins09 · 03/10/2020 23:41

I would absolutely hate it & I wouldn't understand him. I would judge him heavily for it. I would also share your feelings of insecurity. Have you spoke to him about it, and how it makes you feel?

LilyWater · 03/10/2020 23:49

Wouldn't accept that. It's sick actually. He's lusting over other naked women when it's meant to be an exclusive relationship! Too many women put up with it so a lot of men now feel entitled to it. Women are sex objects to him so at the end of the day he's not going to care how you feel, regardless of how you explain it. I would leave and find someone who respects me and values me as I should be.

FlorrieMango · 03/10/2020 23:49

Mine simply wouldn’t do this as he knows my feelings and out of respect too. I think that’s our own way of dealing with things on the whole.

I genuinely don’t think it means anything or that you’re being compared to these woman but I would definitely be uncomfortable with it myself. I would raise it, an honest conversation is always the best way!

BubblyBarbara · 04/10/2020 00:11

My husband is dead now but I don't really see it as any different to him having read fashion magazines or other magazines full of women in various states of undress. It's just visual aesthetic chintz really and not anyone's reality

Sunflower1970 · 04/10/2020 03:36

It’s childish and disrespectful. I’m not a tit for tat person but leave your laptop open with a few pics of impossibly hunky fellas and see how he likes it!!!

Mintlegs · 04/10/2020 06:07

It seems to be more and more common In afraid. The younger guys seem to be brought up on this as the norm. I’m sure he detaches this and sees you as attractive! Work on your own self esteem. Follow a few steamy men yourself and accidentally on purpose let him see it

mallorytower · 04/10/2020 06:22

Very immature and would put me off. I’ve discovered my husband has been posting on social media and it’s really put me off him

Original poster
instajealous · 04/10/2020 06:50

I would recommend that you just don't check who your partner is following because it feels like a punch to the stomach.

He's not young either, almost 47. These girls are so young it makes me feel uncomfortable. Is this just normal in that every man does it? I am so confused.

OP posts:
user19990 · 04/10/2020 07:02

I think most men do it, and a lot of women think their partner doesn't but really they do just secretly.

I find it worse than watching porn.

I wouldn't let it reflect on you personally. Men can browse these things and forget about them in a second.

Dollyrocket · 04/10/2020 07:02

It’s probably more common than many think or want to admit.

It’s particularly grim that the women are so young though, that part would bother me.

baileys6904 · 04/10/2020 07:52

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest and I'm wondering how many women that sya it would bother them have seen a male stripper, or ogled over David Beckham or Hugh jackman or whoever.
A relationship is based on more than just looks. I can guarantee your husband knows a woman who is stunning but wouldn't even contemplate going near her, cos she's not you

Heartofstrings · 04/10/2020 07:54

My husband isnt on social media but I follow a couple of blokes on my Instagram. It's a nice break to the mountains of toddler activities that plagues my feed

Princessposie · 04/10/2020 08:11

Mine looks at Gym bunny types rather than glamorous models. It makes me feel better actually because their bodies are like mine. We’d have a properly if he was more interested in women that don’t look like me Grin

Princessposie · 04/10/2020 08:11

*problem

GilbertMarkham · 04/10/2020 08:51

I always find men become miraculously more understanding of why this sort of thing is uncomfortable when it's done to them.

Do I'd follow and browse images of very good looking, fit, hot or whatever men who post lots of physique pics and don't hide it.

If he doesn't react in the slightest at least he's not a hypocrite bug you still have to make the decision about whether you can accept it in a relationship.

If he does, you have the perfect basis from which to demonstrate that his behaviour can be seen as inappropriate, something that makes a partner uncomfortable etc. If he doesn't see the light, stop (and doesn't just hide it) then you're back to the scenario above.

GilbertMarkham · 04/10/2020 08:54

It's certainly uncomfortable to a lot of people and esp so if the people they're looking at are a good bit younger.

If he's that "type" and if he doesn't stop, sadly you may have to consider you are not compatible.

GilbertMarkham · 04/10/2020 08:59

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest and I'm wondering how many women that sya it would bother them have seen a male stripper, or ogled over David Beckham or Hugh jackman or whoever.

That's all incidental as such though isn't it?

Attending a hen do that has a make stripper or that goes to a male strip show is generally a one off and the context isna hen do.

Seeing David Beckham on TV or in a (regular) magazine and admiring him is incidental.

Seeing a for bloke in a film or TV series you're watching for entertainment and admiring him/having a little lust over him is incidental.

It's not seeking out semi nude, sexy provocative images of young men and browsing them/lusting over them/following their SM accounts etc. on an ongoing basis. Which sounds like what he's doing - and some men do.

Women seem to be much less likely to do that on average.

boredboredboredboredbored · 04/10/2020 09:00

My dh sent a message to one of these women but the stupid twat sent it to me by mistake. It read "hot as always". I went crazy, he's a 50 year old grandfather and that woman could be his 20 something daughter - he looked like a sad twat! Not only that but completely & utterly disrespectful to me and our relationship. I told him in no uncertain terms to make a choice, one of them involved me not sticking around.

Have to say I love him deeply apart from this one blip he's a good man, but a bit of my love died when I saw that message - just ick!!!! He deleted his account and hasn't done anything since asaik. It's a deal breaker for me, I'd divorce him if I found out he'd done it again.

GilbertMarkham · 04/10/2020 09:11

My dh sent a message to one of these women but the stupid twat sent it to me by mistake. It read "hot as always"

I'm not trying to be hurtful but how likely is it that he sent one message once and happened to send it to you by accident. People do stuff like that (send messages to the wrong person) when they message a lot and get sloppy.

DBML · 04/10/2020 09:12

I would not like my husband to follow these sorts of accounts. I don’t mind porn, it’s looked at privately and I do it myself...but Instagram is so public and everyone can see who you follow/like if they want to. So not only would my husband look like a sleaze to me, he’d look like a sleaze to everyone else, possibly including my family members, colleagues, mutual friends and anyone else you followed.
Luckily I don’t have this issue, but it’s not something I would be able to tolerate.

GilbertMarkham · 04/10/2020 09:12

It's more likely it was one of several to that young woman and possibly others. But he'll have cleared anything you could get access to.

GilbertMarkham · 04/10/2020 09:19

he's a 50 year old grandfather and that woman could be his 20 something daughter - he looked like a sad twat!

That's the thing,in addition to being inappropriate towards their partner; it's so uuughy/icky, creepy and pathetic .. and that's an incredible then off.

I mean the vast majority of young women doing the Instagram/SM thing are not remotely interested in some man twice their age or more except as a digit to bump up her followers and views numbers, and if she monetises her SM in.some way and he gives her money (for "private" images or by paying for stuff on her wish lists etc. Some do web chats, some will even meet as a "sugar baby" if the money is right).But it's all about money. It's the very thin end of the wedge of the sex industry - and that is pathetic and sleazy .. and potentially cheating.

If they don't realise it's about money, they seem deluded and pathetic, which isn't much better.

Opentooffers · 04/10/2020 09:23

Feels worse than porn and is, because direct communication goes with it, as you've found ,and to some degree, porn is a sexual act whereas this is body specific and all about the body and more akin to webcam, due to being able to contact them direct, in real time. So no, it would be a step too far for me.

GilbertMarkham · 04/10/2020 09:29

I mean just the thought process "I'll message this good-looking, sexy, popular young woman, young enough to be my daughter or granddaughter and she'll be so flattered and may even be interested" ... Confused.

Yeah mate, maybe if you're a millionaire (or at the very least of you pay for every interaction in some way).

I would not like my husband to follow these sorts of accounts. I don’t mind porn, it’s looked at privately and I do it myself...but Instagram is so public and everyone can see who you follow/like if they want to. So not only would my husband look like a sleaze to me, he’d look like a sleaze to everyone else, possibly including my family members, colleagues, mutual friends and anyone else you followed.

This too.

(Though some people set up accounts that don't identify them to do this).

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