Partner looking at provocative Instagram accounts..

[instajealous]

Do you have a problem with your significant other looking at naked girls on Instagram... I mean like glamour model style perfection.. super provocative shots..

I'm not sure if this is commonplace and means nothing or if this is something I am right to be feeling concerned about. These girls are unattainably perfect and he is following new accounts too... just makes me feel like a troll who he couldn't possibly find attractive!

What would you think if your partner was doing this?

It's just so gross.
These guys lusting over barely legal women. You have to wonder if this depravity is innate?

I would do the same thing back and leave the page open for them to see the hunks you're looking at.
Men seem to have very little awareness unless it's done to them.

Messaging is different-that I wouldn't be keen on

But I know a ton of wone who regularly go to see the dream boys or whatever they're called these days. Or follow some male celeb on social media or twitter, it's exactly the same. In this age of equality I don't think we should be saying its different for women to do it, or it's not that often so it's fine. We as a gender need to know we offer so much more than just looking pretty, and it's that our partners are attracted too, not just the visual

Oh look another Baileys "but what about the poor mens" reply
No matter what shitty behaviour any woman on this site posts about their partner doing, there are a couple of posters who keep riding up to say "women are worse" while deriding us MNers as being 'man hating'.
Anyone else noticed this on here recently?
Yet they are more misogynist than anything.

@baileys6904

Messaging is different-that I wouldn't be keen on

But I know a ton of wone who regularly go to see the dream boys or whatever they're called these days. Or follow some male celeb on social media or twitter, it's exactly the same. In this age of equality I don't think we should be saying its different for women to do it, or it's not that often so it's fine. We as a gender need to know we offer so much more than just looking pretty, and it's that our partners are attracted too, not just the visual

I think this is exactly the point . Many of us don’t behave like that and wonder exactly what a man who does this values in a woman . Clearly , if he is happy to spend time sitting and choosing which women to look at based purely on the physical this is pretty high on his priorities . I simply don’t see the mentality of the whole like thing either . I mean ‘rewarding ‘ someone with a like simply ve aide they are young or genticqlly blessed . I mean that’s seems beyond shallow and pathetic . It’s fine if some people are happy to pair up with others who agree with that but many people prefer a partner with a little more depth and insight Also who wants to be with some dude who’s in his fifties and sixties checking out girls his granddaughters age and giving them ‘gold stars ‘ do you honestly think a man like this will switch it off when granddaughter comes to visit with her friends . Men in their twenties grow who behave like this grow into men in their 30s 40s and beyond who are even worse and as their wives get older they feel kore justified It’s one thing to notice someone is attractive , we all do but it takes a certain type of shallowness to sit down and spend time ogling them as a ‘hobby’ let alone judge and decide who is worth of a like

I don't mind porn, as I watch it myself, as long as it's done in private and isn't affecting our sex life. But anything on social media, where it's public and I/friends and family can see who they're following/liking is unacceptable.

My ex hubs started doing this on IG, liking glamour models' photos, and I found it extremely disrespectful. Told him off, he told me I was overreacting, got very defensive - but it was just a long line of reasons to divorce him by that point.

I definitely wouldn't feel insecure or bad about myself though. Unless you're a glamour model yourself, he (nor the world) aren't expecting you to look that way. I bet he isn't exactly the 6-packed Adonis you would fancy - it's just his fantasy. But one that doesn't need to be broadcast all over social media.

As others have said, if he's just looking then I wouldn't worry. If he's following or, worse, messaging, then words should be had. It may come as a surprise to some on here but most men are well able to combine loyalty to their DP with a bit of fantasising about others, as long as it stays in the realms of fantasy there no harm done.

@boredboredboredboredbored

My dh sent a message to one of these women but the stupid twat sent it to me by mistake. It read "hot as always". I went crazy, he's a 50 year old grandfather and that woman could be his 20 something daughter - he looked like a sad twat! Not only that but completely & utterly disrespectful to me and our relationship. I told him in no uncertain terms to make a choice, one of them involved me not sticking around.

Have to say I love him deeply apart from this one blip he's a good man, but a bit of my love died when I saw that message - just ick!!!! He deleted his account and hasn't done anything since asaik. It's a deal breaker for me, I'd divorce him if I found out he'd done it again.

Ugh god it's the entitlement of this too, the arrogance of thinking that as a middle aged man their message is somehow going to make the model happy or flattered or attracted to them. What do they think they'll get? A genuine response where they say "you too, you're so hot"?! It's all so cringe and ick inducing.

How old is he ? It seems like a really young thing to do. I wouldn’t like it I would think it was creepy especially if they are younger but then I think the whole Instagram thing is very shallow anyway and neither me or my partner have social media

As others have said, if he's just looking then I wouldn't worry. If he's following or, worse, messaging, then words should be had

So are you saying if your DH had Instagram and followed say Jacqueline Jossa or some other young female celeb you'd be "having words"

Thanks everyone I'm glad so many agree with me and I'm not weird to feel this way. I know it's probably like some of you said, fantasy disconnected from reality, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

I'm sure he hate it if I did the same but the closest I get is following the odd attractive male celebrity.. but these aren't feeds with an artfully placed limb to cover their genitals

Trying to figure if it's worth bringing up at the moment as it will likely erupt into an argument I'd rather avoid!

How is his behaviour otherwise? The 46 year old man i know that does this has a lot of other issues

@Nicelunch25

How is his behaviour otherwise? The 46 year old man i know that does this has a lot of other issues

What kind of issues do you mean?

I guess there are two sides.. one that doesn't show all of this, and then this one!

It's just a bit cringe and would make me feel differently. It's the cringe factor of doing it publicly, of liking stuff and maybe messaging people not because I would feel jealous but because I would feel like the guy was pathetic for needing to like / thinking messaging would make the woman in the pictures feel good and flattered or warrant a message back. It's ick inducing for me.

I wouldn't touch anyone with a bargepole who considered this a constructive use of their time.

I wouldn't touch anyone with a bargepole who considered this a constructive use of their time.

Said while browsing MN

Addiction issues, honesty issues, not trustworthy, manipulative, big ego (low self esteem)

These issues are probably unrelated to the person you are talking about but I don't think you find yourself looking at someone's insta for no reason. You should always trust your gut, it took me a while to do this. I think it's wise to put whatever the other issues are here on the post and get the advice. When I did this I was shocked at the insights but some of them were spot on. I did it gradually though as was scared to face the truth of who I was living with.

@GilbertMarkham

My dh sent a message to one of these women but the stupid twat sent it to me by mistake. It read "hot as always"

I'm not trying to be hurtful but how likely is it that he sent one message once and happened to send it to you by accident. People do stuff like that (send messages to the wrong person) when they message a lot and get sloppy.

Totally agree and no it wasn't just one message. I never found out how many but I'm no idiot. I was deeply deeply hurt by his actions as I just can't understand needing to do this sort of thing.

I think the worst thing about this sort of behaviour is it casts doubt on our relationship and I find that difficult. As I said I'm no idiot and believe me I'd be out the door without a glance if I ever found he ever messaged another woman again.

I think by the time I'd ripped him apart & explained what a sad, pathetic man it made him look he'd be too embarrassed to do it again. The irony is his 25 Dd is always posting arse shots on IG....I had to point out the irony there!!

I was deeply deeply hurt by his actions as I just can't understand needing to do this sort of thing.

At best they feel the need to search out "sexy" images of young women compliment those young women on their looks their looks/bodies ... Which is obviously disrespectful (esp the messaging compliments) to their partners, and I'd like to see their reaction of their partners were doing it to men.

At worse they hope to make a connection with the young women by messaging. And I have honestly wonder where they would limit the connection if they had the opportunity for any kind of involvement.

Call me cynical but I doubt they would limit it ... Which means they seem likely to cheat/leave their partners if they had the opportunity.

Sadly I think men look and comment with the belief that the women they are looking at would jump at the chance of being with them ! We, on the other hand can look, and think, nope he would never look at me. Women are much more honest in their appraisal of themselves

To me the messaging is like casting a hook/lure into the sea - the chances of a catch may be very low (especially in this context) but they're still fishing.

No doubt they'll say it was nothing, there was nothing behind it, just paying a compliment etc etc but is there really. To me they want to keep their ol reliable because they know their chances of getting one of those young women is low, but still do a bit of looking and chancing their arm behind her back.

The only good thing about ops situation is that he hadn't been messaging. Still uuugh though.

As I said I'd do it to him a d see how he likes it.

Or just come to the conclusion that you'd rather not be with a man who behaves like that and end the relationship.

There a red pill/mgtow youtuber whose videos I watch for entertainment and insider intelligence sometimes. In one video he was telling men that they have the "right" to look at and follow images on whatever sites they want and not to tolerate women "dictating" that they don't. He mentioned sites focuses on large breasts - because he's a boob man and had clearly had trouble with an ex/exes because of it .....

My immediate thought was "no wonder you're single/constantly dating" and "what an absolute hypocrite - I'd bet serious money if your gf was following sites dedicated to large dicks, you would be utterly turned off, and that's not even getting onto if your acquaintances were connected with her on social media and could see that she's following it".

*I'm sure he hate it if I did the same but the closest I get is following the odd attractive male celebrity.. but these aren't feeds with an artfully placed limb to cover their genitals grin

Trying to figure if it's worth bringing up at the moment as it will likely erupt into an argument I'd rather avoid!*

So he's a hypocrite who does something inappropriate/disrespectful he wouldn't take from you etc. ... and you're scared to raise it because it would erupt into an argument.

Many of us don’t behave like that and wonder exactly what a man who does this values in a woman . Clearly , if he is happy to spend time sitting and choosing which women to look at based purely on the physical this is pretty high on his priorities .

See s to be a sad fact that a portion of the male population is like this i.e..looks and youth are what they value in women above all else.

The wealthy men like this swap out wives/partners as they age the non wealthy men do not have that option much if the time.

(You do get non wealthy men with a lot of Barney/game who can and do - but they're in the minority).

So the female population over 35/40, or whatever age these men seem past prime, can end up stuck with men like these who are naturally not going to say that they'd prefer a younger partner they consider hotter, but nonetheless their behaviour leaks that.

There are also men who are slightly more complicated in that it's not a straight "I'd swap her for a younger model of o had the opportunity"; they realise that socially, within their family, life stages, things in common etc. - a woman closer to their age is preferable, but sexually they'd still like to have had a young, "hot" woman and that leaks out in their behaviour.

It's an uncomfortable position to be in fir the women who are with them; you have to wonder if you're not dependant on them, don't share children with them etc.; would you be happier out of it instead of being with someone you don't respect because of their behaviour like this.

*blarney, not barney