Pretending to punch/play fighting- what's acceptable?

[tribolitesareawesome]

So my stbxp (separation not related to this thread) who I am living with due to COVID play fights with our 5 year old daughter. I dont think play fighting is necessarily bad, it's just the way he does it.

He tickles her until she cries, in pain.
When she doesn't something he doesnt approve of, he pretends to punch her or holds his fist as if to punch her (but playfully)
He play bites with her, which I don't like
He gropes me in front of her which I hate and do not welcome
He belittles me in front of her and is happy to tell her I'm an idiot who lacks wisdom
Threatens to hit her instead of using ways to rectify the behaviour

I'm not against play fighting, although I don't do it with DD in case someone gets hurt and I feel it's all round an unpleasant way to behave.

Am I in the wrong to think his behaviour is over the top?

Of course it's abuse, it's violence. Play-fighting isn't play-fightng if it isn't fun to the victim. He's also sexually inappropriate/abusive.

Also, he's escalating if he pushed you over.

That is domestic violence, so please don't think what you're going through is not "enough" to warrant getting support from domestic abuse services.

Just echoing what others have said, it is DV. WA will take it seriously and won't put you at risk. Please don't be scared of calling them.

This is abuse.
He knows it's wrong. He doesn't care.

Do you have friends/family you could stay with?
You need to get away from him

Family are in house shares and I've lost so many friends since we moved in together 3 years ago because I didn't want to bring friends to a skunk den and he hates my friends and family as well.

I may ask my mum to help with a deposit. I would get my student loan in a few weeks anyway so I'll see what I can scrape together.

Dont know how DD will cope being away from all her friends. She loves her school.

a skunk den

OMFG, is he into that, too? Bin bin bin! I hope you manage to leave soon. xx

@tribolitesareawesome

Family are in house shares and I've lost so many friends since we moved in together 3 years ago because I didn't want to bring friends to a skunk den and he hates my friends and family as well.

Yet your daughter is living in that very skunk den. That poor little girl. Her clothes will smell of it and that doesn't go unnoticed forever by teachers etc. I really hope you leave as soon as possible, this is such an unhealthy environment for her it's shocking.

Why would she have to leave her school? Couldn't you stay in the area if you are going to rent?

He's pushed you over. He gropes you in front of your DD, and won't stop when you ask him to. He makes your DD cry. He does drugs around her.

You are both the victims of domestic abuse. You need to get out. Sod being on the tenancy, do you really think he'd leave if you tried to make him?

You are fleeing domestic abuse and you need to make that clear to the relevant housing people.

Absolutely this is several kinds of domestic abuse. Call them again.

Why would she have to leave her school? Couldn't you stay in the area if you are going to rent?

I dont have £1200 per month for a studio flat. The city we live in and the area is really expensive.

@tribolitesareawesome

I may ask my mum to help with a deposit. I would get my student loan in a few weeks anyway so I'll see what I can scrape together.

Dont know how DD will cope being away from all her friends. She loves her school.

At 5 she will absolutely adapt to a new school, kids move all the time- witnessing her mum being abused is going to be far more damaging.

I know. I'm just worried about her dealing with any disruption.

I've looked up LHA for London and in the borough I'm in I can get 310/wk and near my mother I can get 350/week for a 2 bed. Pretty generous, but will have to see if landlords accept housing benefit.

It's unlawful to discriminate against people on universal credit now - there was a recent landmark ruling on it blog.shelter.org.uk/2020/07/no-dss-landmark-court-ruling%E2%80%AFdeclares%E2%80%AFhousing-benefit%E2%80%AFdiscrimination%E2%80%AFis%E2%80%AFunlawful%E2%80%AF/