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Relationships

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Original poster

is he going to propose?

89 replies

Lorddenning1 · 30/09/2020 10:55

Probably going to get slated for this as i have been snooping when i shouldn't of done and now I'm hopeful but also I'm not sure if he is going to propose to me :(
I have been with my partner for 2 years, and we have 3 children between us, we are starting building work next year on our forever home, planning permission submitted, just waiting for the approval etc.
ok so this weekend its my birthday and he has organized for us to go for a nice meal, with our close friends, Covid taken into account etc but recently due to the increases in rates going up, i wanted to drop out, but friends have convinced me to go and no one else seems concerned, its not a big birthday of mine and i would of been happy to stay home with a take away. all my friends have been contacting him with times and places etc, which is a little strange but put this down to him organizing it and not me.
so he has been telling me all week that he has ordered me another present, and me being the child that i am, wanted to see what he had bought me, so i checked him emails, as his details are saved in my computer, ok so i clicked on one item and i could see it was a paypal receipt for a 14K plated necklace thats on the lines of to my future wife to be, it comes in a box that says i wasnt your first kiss or first love etc etc.
so now im freaking out to what this means, yesterday i was so excited as we have talked about getting married in the future, but then i felt a bit shit that i may have ruined it for him, but was on top of the world. Today i have work up and think differently, what if he isnt going to do it this weekend and just bought it as a promise for the future etc and he thought it was nice gift, which has now left me gutted and a bit sad :(
i dont want to go for the meal expecting something and then nothing to happen grrrr!!!! i cant talk to anyone in real life as they may know and again i dont want to ruin it for him, so now im in some kind of unknown limbo until saturday/sunday, why am i like this, why have i done this to myself, im an idiot!!!!

has anyone got any thoughts on this?

OP posts:

Original poster

Lorddenning1 · 30/09/2020 16:25

i honestly looked at his emails to see what i was getting, which i know was out of order in itself and i regret doing that, if it was reversed i would of been upset :(
i know im not coming across very well here, im not a young giddy person normally, im quite sensible, im working from home and on the computer all day and got bored and had a little look, its no excuse i know this.

OP posts:

Anordinarymum · 30/09/2020 16:31

Whatever happens, please come back and tell, and if RADA start calling you then you will know you pulled it off x

Original poster

Lorddenning1 · 30/09/2020 16:32

@Anordinarymum - who is RADA?

OP posts:

Anordinarymum · 30/09/2020 16:33

Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts :) :)

Original poster

Lorddenning1 · 30/09/2020 16:35

haha im going to try and put it at the back of my mind, hard i know but what other choice do i have, it might not 100% happen, i did get a B in high school drama, maybe be able to pull it off!!!

OP posts:

AramintaLee · 30/09/2020 17:36

[quote Lorddenning1]@AramintaLee I think you may be right and I need to look at it like that. I don't think the necklace is an engagement neck lace, my thoughts were he might propose on the Saturday night (at the meal) and the next day is my birthday and then he would give me the necklace then as it says to my future wife to be, so it would tie in with the proposal etc.
I'm going on the lines of would it be a weird present to give to someone for a birthday present if we are not engaged?[/quote]
Ahhh I seeeeeeeeee.
It sounds like your relationship is probably going in that direction whether it happens when you expect it to or not.

Try to sit back, relax and enjoy your birthday. You'll have to update us all!

Also whilst I wouldn't ever snoop on anyone's e-mails, you seem genuinely regretful and I'm sure you won't do it again. I think you've beat yourself up about it. What's done is done

picosandsancerre · 30/09/2020 20:58

This is quite sad thread, sounds like your weekend should have been amazing with a surprise gift and a potential engagement. If I had found out the person I was considering proposing too had been snooping through my emails I would change my mind pretty quickly and rethink

Rybvita · 30/09/2020 21:26

But it's a necklace, not a ring

From what you say, it seems in keeping with him being anti commitment i.e. not wanting to actually propose but wants to keep you hanging on so has bought you a 'wife to be' necklace.

There's no way on this earth I'd be moving in with a man who I've been with for 2 years and have a child/children with and is STILL unsure whether he wants to commit to be. How utterly insulting. Why are you talking about a 'forever ' home when he's not even sure if he wants to stay with you 'forever' ?? You're worth infinitely more than this, stop letting him have his cake and eat it. If he doesn't want to make you his wife (fine, his choice) then he can stop having the marriage-like pooling of finances and lives together.

Rybvita · 30/09/2020 21:27

*commit to me

PortugeseManoWar · 30/09/2020 21:33

@Rybvita

But it's a necklace, not a ring

From what you say, it seems in keeping with him being anti commitment i.e. not wanting to actually propose but wants to keep you hanging on so has bought you a 'wife to be' necklace.

Agree with this. OP, why do you seem content to allow key decisions about your life to be taken by someone else, with you as a perennially-hopeful passenger?

Scweltish · 30/09/2020 21:34

@1forAll74

Snooping on phones is so awful. it seems to be rife these days. Why can't you wait for nice things to happen if they are going to.?

I can’t believe more people aren’t focusing on this??!! What a horrible twat snooping through her partners emails looking to see what he was planning on surprising her with! If she hadn’t have known then she’d have loved the present either way. Now if he doesn’t propose then she’s going to be disappointed with an expensive and lovely present. And even if it does, she’s already completely spoilt the whole occasion. If I were her partner and ever found out she’d deliberately sabotaged the proposal and it wasn’t the surprise you’d planned so hard for, I’d be seriously reconsidering marrying her. What a shit way to potentially start a marriage!

Original poster

Lorddenning1 · 30/09/2020 21:50

I have confided in my best friend and she has admitted he asked her for her opinion on it and clearly stated it's not for an engagement but for the future, so there you go, I have ruined my surprise and got myself worked up over nothing, no engagement on the cards, serves me right so snooping in the first place I guess, won't be doing that ever again. For the people saying why am I letting a man make a decision on my future, we have both discussed marriage and we have said we both want to, and he even suggested spending some of the house money on a wedding, so it's been a joint decision to do it.

OP posts:

newnameforthis123 · 30/09/2020 22:12

@Lorddenning1

As I said upthread, did you genuinely only look to find out what your present was early (very immature!) or did you have other suspicions (not a good sign!) as neither is healthy at all.

Original poster

Lorddenning1 · 30/09/2020 22:24

No it was just to see what he had got me, I know it sounds immature and stupid, i agree it was, Iv been bored sat at my computer and he has recently logged into his emails for me to sort something for him and I had a quick look, the first thing I clicked on was the necklace and I only looked at that and then freaked out and logged off it, we both know each other's passwords to our phones and I have never looked at his phone before, I have nothing to hide too.

OP posts:

Rybvita · 01/10/2020 00:28

@Lorddenning1

So why didnt you get married then instead of investing yourself in a house with a man who remains unsure of you?? The marriage would have provided you and your children MUCH more security than remaining unmarried in this house. He knows that while you both remain unmarried, his investment is 'safe' because it's very unlikely you'll be able to stay in the house with the kids if you both split since you will have to divide the house as joint tenants/tenants in common. However if you're married, the needs of the children are considered first so the main carer of the kids, depending on circumstances, can retain the family home and keep continuity for the children instead of being turfed out.

No idea why you accepted him presenting it as an either/or choice when in practice millions of people do both - get married and buy houses all the time - in fact it's normal. You just cut your cloth accordingly e.g. get married first or have a cheaper wedding if your serious about the commitment of marriage.

I bet he knew you'd go for the house, especially if he told you he wanted marriage, which is why he felt comfortable safely suggesting the wedding. Words are cheap. If he hasn't proposed yet, he doesn't want to get married (not to you anyway- too many stories of men apparently not fussed about marriage going on to later marry someone else unfortunately)

So disappointing in this day and age having women who are intent on screwing themselves (and their kids) over instead of standing up for themselves.

Palavah · 01/10/2020 02:13

£14,000 on a necklace that has writing on it? Like a dog tag type thing?!

misses point entirely

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 01/10/2020 04:58

Palavah haha I thought that at first but I think it's 14 karat gold rather than £14 grand (k)

waltzeswithsnobs · 01/10/2020 05:45

I may have got this wrong but, you were going to dinner with your friends and your boyfriend for your birthday and you thought your boyfriend might propose? Surely it's only on sitcoms that people propose in front of their friends?

MarthasGinYard · 01/10/2020 06:35

It's not a ring though but a it but a slightly cringe necklace by the sound of it.

'Our Forever home' are you sure, it's actually his house which is being extended eventually to accommodate you all.

I would certainly slow down. Enjoy your birthday.

MarthasGinYard · 01/10/2020 06:37

£14,000 on a necklace that has writing on it? Like a dog tag type thing?!

misses point entirely

I read that as 14 carat

HollowTalk · 01/10/2020 06:40

@MarthasGinYard

£14,000 on a necklace that has writing on it? Like a dog tag type thing?!

misses point entirely

I read that as 14 carat

Surely it is carat?

iano · 01/10/2020 06:57

This whole thread is bizarre. You sound about 12 years old checking what presents you got. You also sound naive about the house and marriage. Why don't you take some control back and ask him yourself? or decide how much time you're going to give him to propose? You could be waiting forever whilst he gives you ever more presents talking about you being his future wife. Until you're married you have no security. You want to get married that's a valid requirement to a long term relationship. Don't wait for him to call the shots.

PivotPivott · 01/10/2020 07:10

He's not going to propose with a necklace unless he proposes to you whilst putting you in a head lock.

I hate snoopers. My DP learnt his lesson with snooping when he done it and I sent the gift back.

outttcast · 01/10/2020 07:18

I'm I the only one who read £14k necklace???? My eyes popped out of my head!

Original poster

Lorddenning1 · 01/10/2020 07:24

The way I see it regarding the house, and I'm not saying it's the right way to look at it, is I currently rent my house at the moment, I have 2 child and he he has one, we would like to move in together next year, but his house is not big enough for 3 kids, it currently has 3 bedrooms and one bathroom (he inherited the house from his dad when he passed away) we had thought about selling it and buying a 4 bedroom house instead, but for our money it's more cost effective to extend what we have and it would be cheaper and we would have more room, we plan on adding another bedroom, bathroom and an extension to the rear for a dining room. I say we because the house is always referred to as our house, not his. We plan to live in the rental when the building work is being done, we are waiting on planning permission at the moment. The way I see it, my current landlord could sell up and I would have to move anyways. I do not own a property. So we would take out a joint remortgage to do the building work and seek professional advice on how I could be added to the house in case like u say it doesn't work out and I would leave with nothing. He agrees with this, we also talked about doing Wills and it was his idea to say that for the future the house would be split between the 3 children, so my 2 and his 1, equally. I do want to spend the rest of my life with him. I do think we should talk about marriage a bit more, but obs not this weekend I'm not sure if getting married would secure the house more, does anyone know? If u get married, does the house then become 50/50? I know I would need to be added to the deeds etc. Would it be fair to have a clause to say his original house value should be noted down, so if things didn't work out he would be left with that value and I would get half of any increase value?

OP posts:

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