FWB vs "traditional" relationship

[Traveller2020]

My personal view is I don't want a relationship in the traditional sense. I'd much rather have a FWB.

I've had friends tell me I'll change my mind but I've felt like this for a very long time. I was married at a young age (18) and didn't really have time for me.
For me even the best relationship requires some compromise and I don't want to compromise anymore. I'm too set in my ways and couldn't live with someone whose opinions I'd have to consider (selfish I know but it's how I feel)

I'm in my mid 40s and don't see myself changing my mind. Are there any others who think like this or are the majority of people looking for a "traditional" relationship?

It offends me when men with dadbods and ED get easy access to sexy, beautiful women
but they dont do they, hot young women can have their pick of hot young guys

For a casual sexual encounter, a woman of any age can have their pick of hot young guys.

We're not exactly short of sexual options.

I'll be sure to tell Grandma.

@category12

I'll be sure to tell Grandma.

she's much more likely to get a shag than grandpa is (unless grandpa wants to pay for it)

Fwb relationships rarely work for women because usually the men treat the women very poorly. It only seems to work for women if the man actually wants more than than just sex. You can get sex with no strings fairly easily as a woman but you need to be willing to have multiple brief sexual encounters with different men. You'll be hard pressed to find one that will be available with any regularity or to treat you with anything like politeness let alone respect and mutual understanding which is what women tend to want in fwb situations.

Heffalooomia 😍

In general, men have little of value to contribute. As a class, they are a complete dumpster fire: violent, needy, and degenerate. No thanks!

I take offence to that. I'm a man, and I'm certainly not violent.

I have a strange fwb situation, we did not brand it a relationship, however it's not just sex, we cuddle, stay over, talk every day, are very close to each other, have a connection etc.

However I don't want a relationship because he is manic depressive and I do not feel equipped to be with someone who has manic depression and I kind of feel smothered in a relationship sometimes, I like my own time and privacy, don't like to have to tell anyone else where I've been and what I'm doing etc.

It's working for now, although sometimes it's weird when he acts all sweet and boyfriendly towards me, when it stops working I'll end it.

I take offence to that. I'm a man, and I'm certainly not violent

I say men have little of value to contribute and then FifteenToes comes along with his asinine remarks to prove it.

Your offended feelings are an irrelevance.

Im definitely a relationship anarchist I just didnt have a name for it. Im kind of delighted now to realise I'm anarchic, even though i usually dont like labels i'll take that. It is a challenge to the more traditional folk, some friends and family think it's 'brave' others suffer some confusion but it's modelling alternatives, and doing what works for me.

There have been some interesting posts.
It's a shame when people are judged because of their sex.
Not all women are the same and neither are all men.
There is no right or wrong when it comes to relationships.
Not all relationships are the same and what works for one might not work for someone else
I guess ultimately it's about finding what works for you

I say men have little of value to contribute and then FifteenToes comes along with his asinine remarks to prove it.

Your offended feelings are an irrelevance.

Whooshhhh....................

@FifteenToes

I say men have little of value to contribute and then FifteenToes comes along with his asinine remarks to prove it.

Your offended feelings are an irrelevance.

Whooshhhh....................

How is that woosh you muppet

Fwb is great if you could find a bloke decent in bed plus respectful in general, not easy. Plus human nature being as it is one person is likely to be more attached.

I appreciate this may make some people roll their eyes, but I'd just miss love.

I'm not a traditional relationship for the sake of it person. I spent a long time single, and with my marriage, I didn't enter into the relationship because I wanted a relationship, or to settle down, or because it was the right thing, or because I wanted a shag, but because of love and a need to be with them.

We are married with children now, so all very traditional I guess, but it flowed from how I felt/feel, rather than looking for someone to fill that role.

I guess legally speaking we are tied together, but that's not out of fear or keeping us together, because we are eachother home, our safe place. I no more consider it a burden to be tied to him, as I do being connected to my own arm. The connection is natural for me, and I would sooner cut off my own arm, than split from him.

Fwb/RA/whatever clearly works for some people, and everyone is different. But I personally think you should just take like as it comes - if FWB happens, great, but if unexpectedly a powerful love comes along, and does sweep you off your feet, then taking that chance doesn't mean losing your freedom or clipping your wings, but can be really great.

I'm a bit of an old romantic though ;-)

I'm a bit of an old romantic though ;-)

Nothing wrong with that!

@babyboomtastic you are absolutely right, traditional conmitted monogamy is the main model for a reason, and when it all comes together as in your case why wouldnt you! be happy😊
@fifteentoes i see your point, im new to this forum but perhaps moderators can assess this? speaking for myself i would be offended to see a similarly generalised statement about women.

@Babyboomtastic

I appreciate this may make some people roll their eyes, but I'd just miss love.

I'm not a traditional relationship for the sake of it person. I spent a long time single, and with my marriage, I didn't enter into the relationship because I wanted a relationship, or to settle down, or because it was the right thing, or because I wanted a shag, but because of love and a need to be with them.

We are married with children now, so all very traditional I guess, but it flowed from how I felt/feel, rather than looking for someone to fill that role.

I guess legally speaking we are tied together, but that's not out of fear or keeping us together, because we are eachother home, our safe place. I no more consider it a burden to be tied to him, as I do being connected to my own arm. The connection is natural for me, and I would sooner cut off my own arm, than split from him.

Fwb/RA/whatever clearly works for some people, and everyone is different. But I personally think you should just take like as it comes - if FWB happens, great, but if unexpectedly a powerful love comes along, and does sweep you off your feet, then taking that chance doesn't mean losing your freedom or clipping your wings, but can be really great.

I'm a bit of an old romantic though ;-)

Very similar here. IMO you cannot beat deep loving relationships but not everyone wants or needs that for many reasons

This is quite an interesting thread as normally anything poly gets shrieked down on Mumsnet but there has been quite a positive response to the concept of relationship anarchy.
I am mid 40s, divorced, don't want any more kids and don't need a man to pay the bills or do stuff around the house. I get my emotional support from female friends (always did) and cuddles from my kids (likewise). There is zero value for me in a monogamous / cohabiting relationship, why would I want to tie myself down to one guy? Makes no sense at all.

@ChiaraRimini perhaps its because relationship anarchy does not necessarily mean polyamory, but rather means looking at each relationship you have as unique, in the sense that you dont feel the need to put it in a ready made/defined box eg a committed monogamous couple may choose to live apart. or a married couple may choose to live together but non-sexually and have sexual needs satisfied elsewhere. I like the fact that it requires true self-awareness, mutual respect and good communication, and i like the pick & mix honesty of it!

Who or what says you cannot have a deep and meaningful relationship as a RA?