I used to hope (maybe even assume), like most people, that I'd meet someone and we'd fall in love. However, I have a very rocky relationship history. No love and I've never felt special to anyone.
Nearly a year ago, I started seeing someone I'd known for a couple of years. I never had any sense he was attracted to me at all and then, late last year, we bumped into each other and he asked me out for lunch. Now, 11 months later, here we are.
We socialise as a couple with couple friends (as much as restrictions have allowed); we are in a support bubble; we see each other for most of the weekend, every weekend except when either of us has plans and in the week when life allows. He's kind and considerate to me and definitely isn't seeing anyone else. We behave like a couple - he refers to us as a couple and refers to me as his girlfriend; we are supportive, encouraging and accepting of each other, so he doesn't treat me badly, but he doesn't love me and doesn't behave in a way that would give me false hope either. I appreciate the honesty of his words and actions but it makes me sad because I wish he did.
I decided a few weeks ago that I'd give it until the year mark and then, if it was no different, I'd end it. If he doesn't love me after a year, he isn't going to. Would that be foolish of me?
I would like to find love but it's never happened before and, despite the lack of it, this is, in many ways, the best and most real relationship I've ever been in - which is sad because that's clearly not the case for him. Should that bother me?
This relationship could tick along pleasantly for years but I'll still never have known love. So I plan to talk to him at the 1 year mark and essentially tell him this. I know though that I could lose what we do have and still never find love.
It's 4 weeks until my self imposed deadline. I feel that if I don't address it in some way then, I'm just going to be kicking the can down the road but I don't know if ending it would be hasty.