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Relationships

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Original poster

Do I tell him I slept with his friend?!

69 replies

Lemononachair · 25/09/2020 09:46

So I've met someone new and he seems lovely (although time will tell! 😂)

We went out last night and in amongst our chatting I started to suspect that I might know one of his close friends. I got home and looked him up on SM and my suspicions were confirmed! I dated one of his good friends last year for about 7 months :/

I'm now not sure if I should mention this as he might see me as 'his friend's ex' and lose interest! FWIW his friend and I ended on reasonably good terms, I liked him a bit more than he liked me and the relationship didn't really develop so we went our separate ways. No hard feelings. It was pretty casual and we never got to the 'love' stage.

I wouldn't mention it at all but if things go well and we end up meeting each other's friends it might be really awkward if I didn't mention it!

Should I say something or just keep quiet for now?

OP posts:

Thisisnotnormal69 · 25/09/2020 09:48

I would keep it quiet for a bit and see how you get on first

Sunnydaysstillhere · 25/09/2020 09:48

Imo telling him is a promt you intend to compare him to his friend!! Has he given you a list of his exes?
No need for you to even if he has!

sofato5miles · 25/09/2020 09:49

Well you can't say that you stalked him to check. But next conversation opp i would mention it as it could well be a deal breaker for him and best to know that quickly

DeeThree · 25/09/2020 09:51

I think I'd mention it casually- just say, "Oh I think we may know someone in common" Tell him it was a casual relationship, you don't need to go into the details, but he may ask!

Delbelleber · 25/09/2020 09:54

I think it would be a good idea to get that out in the open

Dery · 25/09/2020 10:02

"I think it would be a good idea to get that out in the open"

I agree. For me, it's an obvious thing to mention and may come back to bite you if you don't mention it. You dated this other guy for 7 months as recently as last year so it wasn't without significance even though you're over him now. If your relationship with this new guy develops and this other guy is a good friend of his, you may well end up in the same social gathering at some stage. That doesn't need to be a problem at all but if your new guy only becomes aware of the situation afterwards, he may well be wondering why you hadn't said anything before and it will take on a significance that it doesn't need to have. It will be like you and this other guy have a shared secret that he isn't party to - I think that is what would bother me in his shoes.

Isthisnothing · 25/09/2020 10:05

Oh no!

You're going to have to tell him I'm afraid.

Givemeabreak88 · 25/09/2020 10:05

I would tell him as his friend will anyway!

hexmeginny · 25/09/2020 10:17

Don't make a big thing out of it - just say "oh you know so and so! small world etc...." If it was casual, then can't see him being bothered.

justanotherneighinparadise · 25/09/2020 10:19

Personally I would tell him ASAP in case it’s a deal breaker and I wouldn’t want to get too attached (or sleep with him for him to then not want to know after).

Imloosingmyshit · 25/09/2020 10:36

If his name comes up and then you ‘discover’ you both know your ex, then yes. ‘I used to see him’. But don’t overthink it . And why do we feel the need to research everyone online??? Six degrees of separation and all that...

Raidblunner · 25/09/2020 10:41

I'd tell him sooner rather than later, embarassing if you were out as a couple and run in to this guy!
If he can't handle it he's not right for you. Everyone has a past but at times they will crossover.

VickySunshine · 25/09/2020 10:41

If it was the other way round and he dated one of your friends, would you want to know ?

Original poster

Lemononachair · 25/09/2020 10:41

Well that's just it, if it is a deal breaker for him I'd rather get it out in the open so I don't get too attached and then lose him 😆

This guy has a pretty small social circle so if things go well and we carry on seeing each other I'm absolutely certain we will end up seeing each other (me and the friend that is)! I'm also fairly confident that he would mention it that he had dated me if the new guy talks to him about me 😂

I don't have any residual feelings for the friend, he's a nice guy and I wish him well, I've had other boyfriends/partners since him so I wouldn't be making any comparisons! But obviously he may not think that :/

OP posts:

MashedSweetSpud · 25/09/2020 10:44

I’d keep quiet until it comes up.

HollowTalk · 25/09/2020 10:45

I would mention it as soon as possible. By hiding it, you're making out it's a bigger deal than it is.

HollowTalk · 25/09/2020 10:46

And you went out with his friend for seven months - it's not as though you had a one night stand. It might not have developed into love but it was a proper relationship.

Aerial2020 · 25/09/2020 10:46

Why is it his business to know?
If the friend brings it up first, just say oh yeah we dated. No big deal.

Original poster

Lemononachair · 25/09/2020 10:47

@Imloosingmyshit it's only because I thought new guy looked a bit familiar and when he mentioned the friend's name and some of the stories, they sounded as if I'd heard them before! It was just to confirm my suspicions, I still have the friend as a FB friend so it was pretty easy to check.

We live in a fairly rural place so there's not a lot of people to choose from. It sounds like a lot of people have cross overs in this area!

If someone I was interested in had casually dated a friend I don't think it would bother me, it's in the past and it obviously didn't work out for a reason. It would be different if they were in a LTR or had kids etc.

OP posts:

Aerial2020 · 25/09/2020 10:47

But there's nothing to hide.

Aerial2020 · 25/09/2020 10:48

That was to another post saying you were hiding it.
I don't there is anything to hide

Suzi888 · 25/09/2020 10:48

I would tell him.

RomanyBlood · 25/09/2020 10:50

You have to mention it before his friend does.

It shouldn’t be a big deal.

If you progress he will soon find out anyway.
If he makes anything of it and thinks it is a factor he isn’t right anyway.

GilbertMarkham · 25/09/2020 10:53

Mention it to him.

If he stops seeing you because of it, it wasn't going to work anyway.

It's good that it wasn't serious and ended on relatively civil terms.

gurglebelly · 25/09/2020 10:56

You need to tell him. Although if they are in a small social circle and you dated his good friend for 7 months, are you sure he doesn't already know?

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