Do I tell him I slept with his friend?!

[Lemononachair]

So I've met someone new and he seems lovely (although time will tell! 😂)

We went out last night and in amongst our chatting I started to suspect that I might know one of his close friends. I got home and looked him up on SM and my suspicions were confirmed! I dated one of his good friends last year for about 7 months :/

I'm now not sure if I should mention this as he might see me as 'his friend's ex' and lose interest! FWIW his friend and I ended on reasonably good terms, I liked him a bit more than he liked me and the relationship didn't really develop so we went our separate ways. No hard feelings. It was pretty casual and we never got to the 'love' stage.

I wouldn't mention it at all but if things go well and we end up meeting each other's friends it might be really awkward if I didn't mention it!

Should I say something or just keep quiet for now?

@RomanyBlood

Next time something recognisable comes up in conversation say ‘hang on, is your friend xxxx?... oh wow, small world. I know him. Actually we dated for a bit. No hard feelings, it just didn’t go anywhere.” And take it from there.

Yeah this. If it comes up, it comes up. Otherwise unless his name comes up how do you tell him? Please tell me all your friends names and I will see if I have dated them?? It's really non of his business. If he's good friends with the guy, he will know and then they can move on. He doesn't have to like it and he doesn't have to date her. Or he can see it as no big deal.

@Aerial2020

Yeah not everyone lives in London. There are lots of small places people live in. If someone dated someone ages ago and you date them years later, I really don't see the big deal. Friends or not. People move on.

But not everyone is you! Others on the thread have said they wouldn't like it, so I would think there's a chance the OP's boyfriend might not either. I live in a small town and I avoid dating too close to home precisely because of this "everyone knows everyone else's business" thing.

It also wasn't years ago, it was last year.

@JimmyJabs
Er I'm well aware of that.
This is a forum for people to reply.
I've replied like everyone else
Op can do what she likes. I'm answering like everyone else.

If the friend mentions it too him, he's going to feel a bit of a fool not knowing. So a yes from me.

And if you get to a certain age and you stop dating close to home, you are going to run out of people
But good for you, do whatever you want
People change , people grow.

@Aerial2020
The thing is she can do whatever she wants and it may not bother her one bit, but if it's a dealbreaker for him then it's a dealbreaker for him....and she's better off finding out now rather than later on when she has developed feelings!

Far too much fuss.
If it's a big deal for him then fine but I still think only mention it if his name comes up or conversation.

Tell him, for all the reasons listed above.
If the shoe were on the other foot, wouldn't you want to find out privately rather than in public in front of both of them, and possibly after all of your friends knew?

Something like that can be a big big issue for some people, and mean nothing at all to other.

An ex of mine is married to a old friend of mine. They started dating about 6 months after we split on good terms. We no longer live in the same area, have lost contact, and that's fine for me (and I assume for them). Both are great people!

Close to home, I'd never been very close to DSis, she's a good few years younger. Many years ago we both returned home for new year, and she had brought along her new BF of a few months. Much to my surprise, it was someone I'd spent a night with a decade earlier in college (we didn't have sex, but did other stuff IYSWIM). We recognized each other, chatted with family, etc. Nothing mentioned other than we were at same Uni. We don't live in the same area of the country, only see each other one or two evenings per year; funerals, etc. I've often wondered if she knows, but I'll never know if she knows.

Yes mention it, just say you've put 2 and 2 together and ask whether his friend might be 'Jim Smith'. You can then say, very breezily say 'oh I knew Jim, we dated casually for a few months actually. Nice guy but it didn't lead anywhere.'

It might be a bit awkward but he won't feel foolish hearing it from elsewhere. Just be brief, polite about 'Jim' to show there's no hard feelings but very clear it's history.

I wouldn't leave it and stew over it as I made this realisation very early into dating someone: I had recently had a thing with someone he knew. It was short, ended quite amicably but I'd liked the first guy a lot. Anyway, I waited until we had had a drink to tell the new chap and ended up blurting out a lot more than I should've as he asked more than he probably would really have liked to know. I'll be honest and say it spoilt things whereas a controlled and breezy acknowledgement would probably have been fine. I'm only telling you this as you mention you were a bit keener on the friend too.

Tell him, don’t tell him you liked his friend more than he liked you though! He will think you could still be interested in friend and you would be with the friend if he wanted you.

And it’s perfectly reasonable to google someone. Damn sensible in some scenarios. “I didn’t know she was married”, “Just found out he has been in prison for GBH”, “She posted racist comments on twitter, “He is a member of a group that is against my morals”. There are something’s people have full on display to the world that you would never see due to them simply not showing/telling you.

Why on earth would you tell him who you used to sleep with?

"I used to know Bob " is quite enough.

Well it may not go anywhere anyway, we will see! I think I will tell him if we keep seeing each other as I wouldn't want it to come up unexpectedly. Would be super awkward.

There's another guy I've only chatted to briefly but he wants to meet for a coffee at some point, saw him on SM completely accidentally - turns out I've slept with his brother! Ffs! I'm guessing that one's a no go then, don't think I can get away with that one 😂

tell him before his friend does as you might word it better!

If you were going out with his friend for 7 months, how come you never met this current guy before You allowed that guy to string you along as a casual thing for a whole 7 months?! If I were you I'd be concerned that this current guy sees you as someone he can treat the same way. If they're close friends it's actually unlikely they don't already know but perhaps they both think you're a woman who they can use for something casual so are not fussed at all if they both date(d) you. I'd tread carefully.

Well seems he may have already found out as he messaged me yesterday saying he wouldn't be meeting up with me again 😂

Ah well, at least it was only one date and now I don't have to have that awkward conversation!

Rybvita yep agree, I don’t think people realise that some men like to “share” women they’ve been with with their friends anyway, one of the other reasons why I wouldn’t date friends, I heard of stories of men giving their friends women's numbers and telling them to pretend to be someone they met somewhere, (so not through the friend) was told a story once about a group of men driving and they seen a woman that one of them had slept with and he told the guys to approach her and get her number as well (because she was easy in his words) whilst he ducked down in the back so she couldn’t see him 🤦‍♀️

@Givemeabreak88

Rybvita yep agree, I don’t think people realise that some men like to “share” women they’ve been with with their friends anyway, one of the other reasons why I wouldn’t date friends, I heard of stories of men giving their friends women's numbers and telling them to pretend to be someone they met somewhere, (so not through the friend) was told a story once about a group of men driving and they seen a woman that one of them had slept with and he told the guys to approach her and get her number as well (because she was easy in his words) whilst he ducked down in the back so she couldn’t see him 🤦‍♀️

Yes exactly. It's shocking how many women remain naive about this! Men who use women for casual things really don't respect them and women need to wise up to this.

If you were dating his friend for 7 months how come you didn’t meet Your current guy during that time If his social circle is so small??