Minimal contact after dtd.

[user1482134515]

I hate myself for this but I am starting to fall for my fuck buddy. I am very fragile at the moment and tbh am always pretty needy and pathetic when it comes to guys. I have been single (and horny!) for a while now and thought I could handle casual sex in order to scratch an itch - well obviously that is bollocks!

This guy is sexy, sensitive, intelligent. We seem to have so much in common, connect on an intellectual and emotional level. However we were both clear from the start what we wanted.

Since dtd last (3rd meeting) his contact has dropped - has been 3 days now with nothing. I'm toying with the idea of just sending a very frank text along the lines of: Hey so I think I like you a lot - this is going to be a problem in relation to our fwb situation isn't it?

I just want to understand if he feels anything. If not I just want to end it and move on

Is this a terrible idea?

I think you should have been clearer about what you want. That message is on his terms.
If he does contact you, say you enjoy spending time with him and want an exclusive relationship to see how things go if he's up for that, but you won't be having sex with him casually if not as you know you will get hurt.

[quote user1482134515]@valtandsinegar I think I really like you, this will be a problem in relation to our fwb set up won't it? Head in hand emoji.

God I'm pathetic![/quote]
I think you need to be more forthright. This has put everything firmly in his court. I would have said:

I'm getting feelings for you, unless you're (hopefully!) feeling the same way I'm afraid we have to stop sleeping with each other.

You never know, he MIGHT feel the same. Of course, he might not (and the no-reply doesn't look great to be fair) but if that's the case then it's still important to have told him, as you need to be honest, to save your feelings further down the line. IMO it shouldn't be an issue when a FWB doesn't reply for three days but the fact that it does matter shows that you're too invested in this guy already. Which of course would be great if he felt the same, but dangerous if he doesn't.

@QuentinWinters @aristo yes I see that now. If he ever responds I will make that crystal clear! Thanks

If he does t reply to your message but then Contacts you again for a shag, I would suggest declining the invitation.

It will just start the cycle again.

I think you've done the best thing by putting it out there early so as to save your feelings. The last thing you want is to be emotionally invested and always have that thought that maybe one day he will turn around and say he wants to be in a relationship.
If he doesn't reply then at least you can move on to something better ❤️

Honestly don't get caught in the emotional rollercoaster of him coming over, having his cake, but not actually buying it

@LindaEllen oh yes completely agree that 3 days shouldn't be a problem! I was trying to play it so cool but I just couldn't any longer.

I hope it works out for yu

You*

Thanks @Carol1980 Absolutely! I cannot do that to myself.

I need to know what happens!

Thanks @Iwantcreamcakesformydinner
You are all so lovely

You aren't pathetic. I admire your honesty. It's far better to not always wonder what if. In the olden days you had to be married to have sex, these days it's very casual with FWB stuff and internet dating. I want a meaningful connection but am definitely not ready for the harshness that is internet dating. It's ok to want whatever you want and hold out for it. There are plenty of people in decent relationships to suggest we can get it at some point.

@ohnotanothernamechangeagain I will keep you posted! I assume I will be ignored tbh so not very interesting!

I don't think you're pathetic. I think you're really brave!. You've realised it's not fwb you want and instead of hanging on hoping and getting yourself more emotionally attached, you've stuck your head above the parapet.

He'll either be up for developing a non-fwb relationship or he won't. Either way, you won't experience the anxiety of the last three days infinitum. You've taken control of your own destiny, not sat around with your stomach churning and your mind overthinking waiting for him to take the lead. That's ass kickingly brave.

You never know. You’ve done the right thing by being upfront and you’re not pathetic. It would have been much easier to bury your head in the sand!
I hope you atleast get an answer!
If not atleast you can move on and find someone who wants the same things as you. On a positive note the sex was great.... and your itch has been scratched whilst you look for someone else.

I’ve been there before! Thankfully the guy was someone I liked despite my better instincts, so I just had to make myself fight it!

[quote user1482134515]**@QuentinWinters* @aristo* yes I see that now. If he ever responds I will make that crystal clear! Thanks[/quote]
It's a minefield. Just know your worth and you'll be fine

Well done for going for it OP!!

You've done the right thing. Well done for being honest, it's easier in the long run.

I said to someone I was dating that I wanted something serious and if he didn't then we shouldn't waste our time. Luckily he did. We're married now and he always says how he loved how direct and honest I was.

I was 28 and didn't want to waste my time!

How did you find your fwb OP? I’m always intrigued by how I’d go about finding one of those? Dating site?

I think it depends on the reason for him wanting the FWB set up.

Well OP, you are my hero today! That was perfect what you did, you put yourself out there and risked yourself for a minute .... I hope it works out . And if it doesn't, You are still my hero!

I would not contact any man in this kind of scenario. To be so needy is not a good sign for most men. If you have to meet people who are FWB, then you have to know, that it won't always be perfect in all ways.

Take the risks! Find out! Even if it's not the response you want, take that as a positive to move on and find better things for YOU. And if it is a good response, great! Can't wait to find out though @user1482134515 !!!