Ever ok to dump and ghost?

[GeekyGirl42]

I'm struggling to walk away from a 9 week relationship that has hit several red flags already. Last week I had to explain why I smiled at somone when we were out and about.

I'm under a lot of stress - my Mum, who abused me as a child, is behaving as though she has memory loss (but changes it all up when she sees a Dr or a social worker), and is abusing my step dad. We are waiting for the outcome of a CT scan for her. Have so many mixed feelings about all of that.

I've tried ending it twice, and twice I've been persuaded by him to give it another try. Spoke to him last night and he said he "expects credit" for accepting some of my boundaries for 4 days.

I'm wondering whether under these circumstances it would be dreadful to send a simple text along the lines of "Thanks for the fun times, but we clearly aren't compatible so I am ending this."

And then block. Everywhere.

Absolutely 100% acceptable. If he's abusive you owe him nothing.

Yes, you are well within your rights to do this, especially if you have tried to end it before and are more than aware he will play mind games/beg/promise to change etc if you are to do it face to face. From what you’ve said I think it’s your best option!

Yes definitely. Do it today!

9 weeks and you’ve already tried ending it twice. It’s not really a relationship. Just end it and block. Send that text it’s fine, you don’t owe him anything.

Oh op, it can be so hard to see the wood for the trees when you are under that kind of stress. Be kind to yourself and cut contact with this man immediately. He sounds like a nasty piece of work - abusive, controlling and potentially dangerous.

Ending things brings your interaction to a final close, therefore it isn't ghosting to not respond if he gets in touch again. Which he will, so you need to be strong.

9 weeks?
A relationship of 63 days and you are struggling to say sod off? He must be very very manipulative!

A message to say this isn't working for me, I wish you well, don't contact me again is more than enough. Block the bugger on everything.

Even if he were the nicest bloke in the world, and even if the problems were entirely in your own head, it’s only been nine weeks and you do not owe him a relationship. You’ve already given him very clear signals that you’re unhappy with the relationship. You are completely within your rights to send a text saying “I’ve thought about it some more and I am certain that I do not wish to continue in this relationship, please do not contact me again.”

Then save a copy of that text and any response he sends, (just in case because he sounds like a nasty piece of work) then block him.

Gosh, that sounds unpleasant and scary. I agree - a quick breezy message to end it, then block everywhere.

In these circumstances nothing wrong with doing this at all.

What dilys said.

9 weeks? hardly a relationship...

The guy is bad news and you have more pressing matters to worry about.

Send him a text to say it is not working for you and that you are ending it then block him on your phone/email/social media.

You don't owe him anything, agree delete and block.

God yes - message to say it isn’t working then block on everything. Sorry you are having tough times

"Even if he were the nicest bloke in the world, and even if the problems were entirely in your own head, it’s only been nine weeks and you do not owe him a relationship. You’ve already given him very clear signals that you’re unhappy with the relationship. You are completely within your rights to send a text saying “I’ve thought about it some more and I am certain that I do not wish to continue in this relationship, please do not contact me again.”"

This.

By sending the initial message before blocking you are not ghosting by definition and you are well within your rights to do it (although in this case you'd be well within your rights to ghost, if you wanted to). Good luck with everything OP x

Ending a relationship is reasonable for any reason. If there's no need for ongoing contact then you're not ghosting him. You've ended the relationship and there is no need for further contact.

Definitely. Do it today!

It's not ghosting if you've dumped him first.

I broke up with my boyfriend of nearly 8 years and haven't spoken to him ever again except to exchange stuff.

Don't thank him for the fun times, a simple this isn't working so it's best to end it now is sufficient. Remember you don't owe him an explanation of why.
Then block him. I hope he gets the message and leaves you alone.

That's not ghosting, it's just dumping. (Ghosting would be vanishing without telling him it's over.)

Just text and block! But I agree with pp not to thank him! Just "this is not working for me so I'm ending it".

Then sigh with relief, drink wine and dance around your living room knowing you rock.😁

Respecting someone's boundaries is not something that a normal person needs reward for. It's something they do without question.

Send the text, delete and block him everywhere. And if I were you, I'd consider walking away from your toxic mother too. Life is too short for this shit. And you should be angry that because of how she treated you as a child, you are now a magnet for other assholes.

But you see them now. So take action. Protect yourself.

I don't think that's even ghosting🤔
ghosting is when you just disappear with no warning or explanation, you're giving him a clear and adequate explanation and then you are removing yourself from his life.
I think that's fine ✔️

Yes dump, delete and block.
That’s not ghosting! Ghosting is when you say nothing and just disappear leaving the other person wondering what’s happened, which is basically energy stealing.
By him not repeating your boundaries and talking you into him dating you, he’s stealing your energy and by the sounds of it is very draining.

Absolutely block. I wouldn't even tell a polite lie like what you're considering to someone like him. If you feel safe you could briefly message him the truth about why you're finishing it, then block. Or just block.

Definitely. I had a brief thing similar timescales last year. Wouldn't take no fir an answer. I ignored about 50 messages and had to threaten the police in the end.

I would advise doing asap with a quick blunt text and don't get drawn into dialogue...he will just keep it going. If he replies after that then block.