So to the scene, sorry this is long, we are not married but have a baby together. We live in an area he grew up a long way from where I grew up. Now to the several separate issues.
We have an adorable easy going baby but I am never away from them. I can count on one hand how many hours I have been without them since they were born. He goes out to work, to see his friends, do his hobby etc. My going out is taking the baby to a baby class. I suggested we maybe ask his family to look after the baby so we could go out for a couple of hours since that is one of the reasons he suggested we need to live so close to them. Anyway we aren’t going out as they are unable to but if we lived near my hometown we would have several babysitters and it would not be an issue. Moving onto my next issue....
I hate the fact that I no longer have a reason to look nice, I have all these lovely clothes that now never get worn, I’m no longer going to work or going out friends as they all live in my home town. I was thinking of doing an exercise class locally with the baby but am wondering what the point is, if I have no reason to look nice. It has been a year since I put a nice dress and heels on and went out completely care free. I don’t hate my figure but just miss dressing up whether that be for work, dinner, drinks. I don’t really suit casual clothes and I don’t like myself in them. A jumper and jeans are fine but the idea of only wearing those for the near future is just depressing. I know things are different now but the idea of just going out and being myself for a few hours now seems like something impossible. Next issue....
We have a baby together but he has said that we are not even close to becoming engaged. A baby is a bigger commitment apparently and yes it is but we had talked about it pre baby and he said he would get married again. We had another chat about engagement rings and any of them I liked he hated. Likes a simple standard ring, not my taste at all. There is nothing wrong with simple diamond and I’m not considering anything outrageous but I like ones that are slightly different, a twist in the band or the stone at an angle. His said he took his ex to several jewellers and she could choose whichever one she wanted. If we even get engaged then he will only get me a ring he likes and since I’m wearing it all the time it would be nice to have one I like. He has also said he would want a very small wedding. That is fine as I see it being about the marriage but again it would all be in his terms with what he likes and wants. I would like to get married before we have any more children and feel that will be on hold and I don’t have much time left, I want a large family but he doesn’t and feel this will be his way around it as I want marriage before anymore. Now for the next problem....,,
I live in his house that he owns, before I moved in his family wanted me to sign something to say that even though I’m paying towards the mortgage I’m not entitled to anything if we were to split. I didn’t sign anything but am not named on the mortgage despite still paying towards it and being on maternity leave. I also asked to have a small space in the spare room that would be for my hobby and got told no, so to sum up I live in this house he bought with his ex wife and I have no space to call my own. I spend so much time in the house that I didn’t choose in an area I didn’t choose with no plans to move and I didn’t think asking for this was unreasonable.
He has lots of lovely qualities, very loving towards me, listens when I have a problem or am upset with him and changes what he says or does if it has upset me. He adjusts his work to fit around us and has let me decorate the house, add things and we do go out a lot as a family but I just can’t help but feel I’m giving so much more, making more compromises, adjusting to fit into his lifestyle and his family and for what? No commitment to me, just the baby. I’m giving up ever moving back home to be near my friends and family and a career to raise children. Am I being unreasonable and are my expectations to high? When I try and talk to him about it he says I already lived in this part of the country which is true I did but it’s different when I had a career and could go out, see friends, travel back home and abroad whenever. I really love him and love how he as a person does do things to make happy, buys little things for me, cooks whatever I suggest, generous with his time and his affection, is honest and trustworthy, always keeps his word so I guess what I’m asking is should I overlook these things and focus on his actions which show how much he loves me as I know he really does.