What did you think you wanted in a partner then realised you didnt?

[AmbsPhillps]

like for example that you wanted someone out going then when you dated someone who was out going you werent happy.

I thought I wanted a solid, dependable and emotionally available guy. Turned out this meant a complete lack of spontaneity, plans everything to a level where all joy evaporates and is very little fun to be around.

Hair! DH is bald as a coot 😆

First 200000 boyfriends and H 1 were musicians.

Turns out creative = self-absorbed twat. Married a hot nerd, life is good. Turns out cool is overrated.

I wanted someone hilariously funny. Turns out the comedian never grows up and is unable to have an adult conversation. I hate it with all my being.

I'm not super sociable and thought I wanted someone with millions of friends for couples dates and dinner parties every weekend. DP is very popular but would rather be home and snuggled up or out just the 2 of us. Turns out, i now couldnt think of anything worse than a packed social diary.

After having a very possessive boyfriend I went for someone more independent. He was too casual.

After having a very dull boyfriend I went for someone too exciting. He was too unpredictable and irresponsible and offered no stability.

thought I wanted someone super sexy who oozed confidence and everyone swooned over..
nope! that confidence was only boosted by continuously flirting with everyone else and it did my head in.

Positive story here—always thought I wanted a man who was at least as tall as me. Then met DP who is shorter and realised I didn’t give a hoot.

@MrsTerryPratchett you are right about creatives, in general....

I'm still waiting for my hot nerd...

Someone eager to get up and do things and explore the world.

First time he woke me up in the morning wanting to spontaneously go to a museum. I asked him why the fuck he was waking me up so early unplanned and to fuck off and go himself if he really wanted to. He said he woke me up because he was awake and bored. Boo hoo!?

I value my sleep too much to be woken by an adult. Children I can deal with, but as an adult I think you should entertain yourself if I'm asleep thanks.

He was unable to just sit and watch TV and chill he always wanted to be doing something worthwhile or productive.

Really made me hate him so I kicked him out

I wanted someone from a more normal 2.4 children type background than me and not work obsessed.
DH and I turned out to be incompatible because I always wanted to be busier/doing more. And he would never consider moving closer to family and he didn't really enjoy spending time with mine as it was too chaotic for him!
Current DP also has a somewhat unusual background and feels a lot more comfortable round my family, and I can be more myself

haha xpost with safe and its the other way round!

@Oriflamme

Hair! DH is bald as a coot 😆

Snap!

@MrsTerryPratchett

First 200000 boyfriends and H 1 were musicians.

Turns out creative = self-absorbed twat. Married a hot nerd, life is good. Turns out cool is overrated.

Yay for hot herds! I have one of those although he prefers Geek........ And he can fix the audio-visual issues and retrieve data on kaput devices with minimum tutting about something called "back-up" (apparently that happens automatically now! )

Thought I wanted a veggie/vegan, I cook flesh for him now.

A challenge. But that was young me. Thirties me realised I just wanted somebody to really truly love me, and that's what I got, lucky me 😊

I thought I wanted someone with a high flying City career, the salary to match and be a solid, stable partner and father. He's now lost his job, spends his days playing Pokemon, boozing and ignoring the kids.

I have the high flying City career, salary to match, pay the bills and look after the DC.

I should have used a sperm donar and only ever relied on myself.

Wanted to settle down = controlling
Funny = full of sarcastic comments and never sincere

I wanted someone intelligent and ambitious. I got a bitter failed writer obsessed with WW2.

Lol, dated lots of nerdy intellectuals in my time, then finally realised how lacking in emotional intelligence they were and quite dull socially. Then dated an uneducated, but fit and buff, man for a change - was a nice change for a while, but lots of hangups and didn't really get anything on a deep level. These days, I'd settle for average looking and fitness level with perhaps a reasonable level of intelligence but not necessarily highly educated. Mr average really as long as they appreciate music - somehow an elusive species, I suspect they are all taken already.

@Iggypoppie how the time must fly in your house

I wanted someone stable and dependable who would look after me.
It became controlling as he slowly took care of more and more things.
He fucked off and it turns out I am perfectly capable of doing all the things I thought I needed him to do. And feeling much better about myself as a result!

i am a bit of a rescuer, and spent 15 years trying to do whatever i could to make DW happy (guilt due to unhappy parents who stuck together "for her sake").

i always thought that one day i'd finally do it, and then we could both be happy together.

turns out, you can't make someone else happy, and forgoing your own emotional needs is quite harmful too.

with age/experience/perspective, DW is much happier now, and although she complains sometimes that i'm not as devoted as i used to be (i'm looking after my own emotional needs much better), we are both in a much better place, as equals in a partnership.

i can see DS1 has some of my younger characteristics - something we may need to talk about soon!

Thought I wanted an alpha male because I love reading romance novels with dominant alphas...then realised that they're only fun when you can close the book if you get fed up of their shennanigans. I now think my ideal man is one that when we get married people will be whispering "I always thought he was gay?" to each other as I flounce up the aisle.

I thought I wanted a very emotionally communicative man who would be romantic and really cherish me. Got it and felt absolutely smothered and engulfed. He used to put at least twenty hearts on the end of EVERY message. TWENTY.