What did you think you wanted in a partner then realised you didnt?

[AmbsPhillps]

like for example that you wanted someone out going then when you dated someone who was out going you werent happy.

@Alongcameacat after my 25 year marriage to Mr Dependable ended (he turned out not to be so dependable since he ran off with someone else ) I thought I wanted fun and spontaneity. Only it turns out I was happier with predictable and dependable!

I had a solid, dependable and emotionally available guy. Turned out this meant a complete lack of spontaneity, plans everything to a level where all joy evaporates and is very little fun to be around.
I got the spontaneous guy- turns out he doesn’t pay bills as he decided to go out with his mates on a bender with that money instead. Come to realise I want neither x 😂

Arrogance and danger. In fact I like stability and someone who doesn't argue back too much 🤣

Colourmylife1 and ItStartedWithAKiss241

You have made me realise I need to start actively looking for positives.

All the Macho crap

Also narcissism, psychopathy, sociopathy, abusiveness. There's a lot of bad men out there!

I was convinced I could never be with someone who wasn't super into music (ideally similar to me - most genres but mostly indie, techno and classical). DH likes music OK, but has the slightly random taste of the non-music person (bit of obscure metal, bit of dance, bit of pop, but of punk), doesn't really have patience to listen to whole albums without wanting to change the music and so on.

It surprised me initially, but then I realised maybe being with a music person, especially if it was classical music, was a bit too weirdly like being with my dad, given that DH is in many ways not dissimilar to my dad, other than not being interested in music!

@Iknowwhatsgoodforme

I wanted someone hilariously funny. Turns out the comedian never grows up and is unable to have an adult conversation. I hate it with all my being.

Very few men who are funny are tolerable because most of it is very put-on. It's very, very rare to find a nice man who is naturally funny, that just loves making people laugh because he simply enjoys making others feel good. Most of the time it's a lot more self-centred than that.

They either have massive egos (and everyone must naturally find them funny, because you are a dim if you don't), or more commonly, they are immature, attention seeking men with self-esteem issues. Some of them were neglected as children so they spend their whole adult lives feeling they have little worth and invest all of their energy into being 'the clown'. If you don't find them funny they frequently get nasty because that hurt, angry little child comes out.

Oh, and they also have issues with intimacy so they use humour all the time to cover up the fact that they can't handle it.

[quote Saggyoldsofa]@MrsTerryPratchett you are right about creatives, in general....

I'm still waiting for my hot nerd...[/quote]
I'm a creative with a computer/gaming nerd partner.......he's definitely absorbed into his own world most of the time, more than me, to the point where I have often felt like background noise or part of the furniture. He doesn't want nor need any friends and is the most introverted person I've ever met. We're probably going to separate :(

I thought I wanted someone in touch with their emotions and completely non- macho and then I realized the reason he talked about his feelings so much was because he was totally screwed up and in need of years and years of therapy. I ended up with a very straightforward, non touchy-feely, competitive triathlete for whom emotions barely register because he's normally super cheerful.

@Lalaloveyou2020

Thought I wanted an alpha male because I love reading romance novels with dominant alphas...then realised that they're only fun when you can close the book if you get fed up of their shennanigans. I now think my ideal man is one that when we get married people will be whispering "I always thought he was gay?" to each other as I flounce up the aisle.

Careful......you may end up marrying one. I think some women are in total denial or they must be blind.

Alright @EarthSight and @Plussizejumpsuit I'll reserve my ire for male musicians rather than all creatives!

Thought I wanted someone that was a social butterfly as I’m shy so I figured it would keep things exciting and interesting. Turns out he prioritized his time with friends and going out to pubs over me. And hallways had to be on the go and could never enjoy a weekend at home watching movies/tv and chilling.

Thought I wanted a guy that was really funny and ended up with someone with more of a prankster immature And condescending type of humor who never laughs at my jokes. I don’t mind teenage humor sometimes but it gets old day in day out

A penis

@AntiHop

I thought I wanted a highly paid, high flying husband so we could be financially stable. My DH is not in a highly paid job, but I know what life is like for some friends whose partners are in those kind of jobs. I know for some, the woman is supposed to take the lead on all the house and childcare stuff and have a lower level career, to facilitate the man's career. I would hate that!

Snap! I remember early on being annoyed with DH’s lack of ambition. Now that he does most childcare pick-ups/drop offs, at least 50% of the housework and offers stability to facilitate my career as the higher earner, I realise I am so much happier that way round. Also, his stable job still pays well, his pension will be excellent by today’s standards, and he gets lots of holiday so it’s not all about the amount he earns now.

I thought I wanted a bad boy, someone who would sweep me off my feet but keep me on my toes. Turns out those types are totally exhausting to be with and the bad behaviour gets far less attractive with age. I'm now with a lovely, kind man. I'd describe him as strong and steady. He's never hurt me or made me wonder how he feels about me and I couldn't be more content.

Thought I wanted a slim, groomed, dark haired bloke. Dating a 6ft3, broad, hairy, blonde Viking type, very happy, and fancy the pants off him.

I wanted a non-conforming, rebel who would shake up my staid outlook on life. Turned out that this means he doesn't want to "work Fd or the man" and is constantly off work sick. The stress is killing me.