What did you think you wanted in a partner then realised you didnt?

[AmbsPhillps]

like for example that you wanted someone out going then when you dated someone who was out going you werent happy.

Someone who wanted kids. 🤣

Gimme my time over and I would run for the hills and never settle down ever marry an ambitious career man who ‘likes kids but doesn’t want them’, be the best aunt ever but have no kids of my own, live a life of luxury, lie ins an long cruises on yachts and all that shit. Dining out multiple times a week. Have a cleaner come when I’m at work earning shedloads of money to spend on amazing holidays.

Instead I married a family man who convinced me to have kids when I was on fence. And who doesn’t clean. Yay.

Never been sure that's why I'm always trying out a variety 😁

Someone who was spontaneous and charmingly unpredictable who would keep me guessing. Life would never be boring!

Then I grew up. Very happy with dependable and even-keeled DH.

I thought I wanted someone who I got that 'Oh my God you're the one' at first sight thing- I got it - along with toxic narcissism covered over by fate/lust/ drama etc

My new DP was a colleague, then friend, then best friend and all so slowly and naturally it turned into love and respect- so much better!

Someone decisive, confident and independant....=aloof, over cocky and made decisions on the spot regardless of consequences

I wanted someone who didn't expect me to organise everything and earn most of the money.

Ended up with an emotionally remote, selfish man who had put on a conscious performance to get together with me and then detached as soon as I had ds. He expected me to cook his food and clean his house but wouldn't let me choose the colour of the curtains. Or anything else.

Now I'm back to earning and organising everything for just me and ds. God, the relief!

After a marriage with a husband who was very laid back and carried on life as if he was still 20, I thought I wanted someone who wanted a far more interlinked life and had more ambition, more get up and go, I got that but failed to take into account it can be quite suffocating when they want you around most of the time and they can be much more argumentative/ opinionated and that can be a bit wearing

Ex bf - gossipy, good laugh, all family and friends loved him. Behind closed doors - the bitching annoyed me, especially when it was about my best friends, and the laughs didn't continue we continue as we became more competitive with each other. Also found he had a slightly dishonest streak which I despised.

DH strong silent type (hot on heels of the ex above) - couldn't talk to my friends in company or explain his feelings. Missed the gossip with ex...

But still married to DH over 20 years later and he is now pretty sociable. The "strong" bit has proved its worth as we have been through quite a lot.

( And still in touch with ex - see him every few years. Don't worry, nothing going on and DH knows.)

A cool, exciting bad boy. They don’t make good husbands

I used to think I wanted a creative, romantic and brilliant man who I could have deep intellectual discussions with and who would stare deep in my eyes. I dated a lot of narcissistic musicians and politically active twats.

After 8 years single and 3 years of therapy to figure out why, I learned how to pick differently! My partner now is a nurse, he's steady, calm, practical and good at all the stuff I'm shit at! I'm the more romantic/effusive one and he's not much good at telling me how he feels but he makes me dinner and cups of tea and always makes sure my bluetooth speaker is charged and I have clean laundry! He's very consistent and kind, and he makes me feels safe. I think sometimes though you have to grow up a bit - I do think I loved the drama when I was in my 20s!!

Thought I wanted co-habiting/marriage when I didn't. One ex was really annoyinng about not commiting to marriage etc, but turns out he wasn't a good partner all round. I'm so glad we didn't marry now. Love my own space.

I wanted someone stable and dependable who would look after me. It became controlling as he slowly took care of more and more things.
Yes! I didn't specifically want someone to look after me, exH was the first man where he said I needed someone to look after me and I liked the sound of that rather than running a mile (my normal reaction - I was quite independent)
Turns out its a red flag for dominating behaviour that will destroy your self confidence

A cool, exciting bad boy. They don’t make good husbands

This x 10000000000000

Thought I wanted a degree educated alpha male. Turns out they’re mainly arseholes.

tall and slim lol...
DH is only an inch (being generous) taller than me, and isn't fat at all but definitely more the broad and stocky type.
Character-wise he's pretty much what I wanted, intelligent, ambitious, confident, but still funny, kind, sensitive and loving

I thought I wanted someone easy going and laid back. This was my ex husband. My dad was abusive and controlling so I think I was looking for somebody 'safe' but in reality It drove me mad. He had no motivation and never got excited about anything. Left him.
I now have the opposite in my now dh. He's super motivated, always planning, always on the go. Love him to bits.

@Iknowwhatsgoodforme

I wanted someone hilariously funny. Turns out the comedian never grows up and is unable to have an adult conversation. I hate it with all my being.

😂😂😂😂😂

I wanted: Tall, Dark & Handsome
Got: 2 of the Three.

Turns out I should have been looking for kindness.

I always thought I wanted someone who was very ambitious but my dh is not all. He has chosen family time ( he gets 13 weeks holiday a year) over promotion but makes up his wages with overtime. It works really well for all of us , no work stress at all.

I thought I wanted a highly paid, high flying husband so we could be financially stable. My DH is not in a highly paid job, but I know what life is like for some friends whose partners are in those kind of jobs. I know for some, the woman is supposed to take the lead on all the house and childcare stuff and have a lower level career, to facilitate the man's career. I would hate that!

@MrsTerryPratchett as an artist I find your post offensive!
But actually I do think you're on to something re creative men or maybe musicians. A good friend had several partners who were musicians and they were all self involved dicks.

A Y chromosome 😂

@AnnaFour

I thought I wanted a very emotionally communicative man who would be romantic and really cherish me. Got it and felt absolutely smothered and engulfed. He used to put at least twenty hearts on the end of EVERY message. TWENTY.

Same. Thought I wanted someone who would dote on me. Three months in the ick factor was just BURSTING out of me I could have screamed! Still makes my skin crawl the messages argh. And he called his cock his willy. That was the end tbh.

Calm and not argumentative
Then I married him and I realised it was because he doesn't feel passionately about anything, which I find hugely hard to understand.
Fortunately our daughter has become something he does feel passionately protective and loving about