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Relationships

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Original poster

Do I send that risky text or will I creep him out?

69 replies

Newbie903 · 15/09/2020 13:13

Long story short, was speaking to a guy during lockdown and there was a lot of spark/sexual chemistry. We spoke a fair bit over text but he lives an hour away. After lockdown we met up and slept together a couple of times. The talking has got less and less whilst we've both been busy with our own things and things sort of dwindled after that - I have a feeling it's cos he thought I wanted a serious thing.

I can't stop thinking about him and I'm so attracted to him, so want something super casual with him. I'm absolutely terrified to send the text though in case I freak him out, I'm SO scared of rejection and he lives an hour away anyway. Do I just do it, and how do I ask??

OP posts:

GoatWardrobe · 15/09/2020 13:14

Eh, given that you can't stop thinking about him, surely you're not just wanting something casual? Are you sure you're not sucking yourself as well as him in with the idea of some no-strings-attached sex, when really you're already emotionally enmeshed?

TokyoSushi · 15/09/2020 13:14

I can't stop thinking about him and I'm so attracted to him suggests to me that you want something more than 'super casual' with him!

Text him, once, if he doesn't reply, do NOT text him again!

TokyoSushi · 15/09/2020 13:15

Great minds @GoatWardrobe !

Echobelly · 15/09/2020 13:15

Just do it - be honest, say you really like him, and you've been thinking about him and you'd like to have something fun together but you're not looking for anything serious right now.

Yes, he may reject you but then you will know. If you are straightfotward and honest, it's not creepy.

yescheese · 15/09/2020 13:18

echoing PP, are you sure you want something casual if you can't stop thinking about him? would that be an honest text to send? Only send that if you're certain you wouldn't be hurt by a casual relationship that he has no interest in developing. If what you want is actually more, maybe you could ask him out on a date instead?

seensome · 15/09/2020 13:23

Why not just ask him how he is and see if he responds, you will both get to what you are both looking for conversation naturally.

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 15/09/2020 13:25

If he was really into you, even casually he would've made contact. You could throw it out there that you are open to him having sex with you when he has nothing or no one preferable. But honestly if you cant stop thinking about him then you are quite likely to get hurt in the end by this arrangement were it to happen. As simple 'hey how have you been' might be worthwhile, see if you get a response.

Snow234 · 15/09/2020 13:35

I’d text him give him a day to reply if he don’t move on and block his number.

newnameforthis123 · 15/09/2020 13:39

What do you actually want?

Your phrasing in your post doesn't suggest it's something casual. Can't stop thinking about him, starting a thread about it him etc.

So if you would like it to turn into something more then don't make the mistake of pretending you want casual when really you want to date and would be happy if it ended up as a relationship.

Be clear with yourself first about what you want. Otherwise you'll end up feeling crap.

Frownette · 15/09/2020 13:54

You could just text asking him how he is.

It sounds like you're pining after him in some way but not quite clear in your own mind what it is.

TenDays · 15/09/2020 14:03

It's hard to say whether what you felt about him is the same as what he saw. He might have enjoyed a short intense fling whereas you're hankering after The One That Got Away. The eyes of love and all that.

Don't go after him if you suspect he wants more commitment than you do. You are worth more than a FWB situation. Letting him walk all over you is NOT the way to win his heart!

A single 'How's it going?' text wouldn't hurt but if he doesn't reply, or seems noncommittal, let it go.

Or don't text him and do spot of discreet Facebook stalking. He may have things going on that surprise you.

HollowTalk · 15/09/2020 14:06

Don't reduce yourself to someone whom he can just shag and then discard. You're worth more than that.

Dery · 15/09/2020 14:15

"If he was really into you, even casually he would've made contact. You could throw it out there that you are open to him having sex with you when he has nothing or no one preferable. But honestly if you cant stop thinking about him then you are quite likely to get hurt in the end by this arrangement were it to happen. As simple 'hey how have you been' might be worthwhile, see if you get a response."

This.

12309845653ghydrvj · 15/09/2020 14:52

It sounds like he just wants sex—is that what you truly, honestly want? If so, text him to ask to meet up. If not, it’s best that you stay well away!!

Original poster

Newbie903 · 15/09/2020 14:57

Thanks everyone for the advice - I texted to ask how he was and we're just chatting about our weekends. I now have absolutely no idea how to bring it up.
I think I am quite happy for it to be purely sexual, I don't want a relationship or anything too serious at the moment

OP posts:

1forAll74 · 15/09/2020 15:04

I wouldn't text him at all. If he was interested,he would contact you. I wouldn't be interested in all this texting stuff anyway., it's an alien way to deal with relationships.

shivermetimbers77 · 15/09/2020 15:18

I think if you genuinely just want a casual, FWB thing then you can just directly let
him know you’re up for that in your text and see what he says.

something2say · 15/09/2020 15:21

Just beware newbie.

I'm a massive feminist but have had to concede that most men LIKE THE THRILL OF THE CHASE. You've given him yourself on a plate, easy.

From now, you need to see whether he WILL chase you. Otherwise you're on the back foot from the start and never really sure if he likes you or not.

MandalaYogaTapestry · 15/09/2020 15:22

You don't want causal with him. Don't try to pretend though, men can always tell if a woman wants more. Always. You won't be able to hide it just for the sake of holding on to him.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 15/09/2020 15:39

I think you’re on track to be hurt. If you are already in the “can’t stop thinking about him” phase, it is highly likely that those feelings will grow if you continue a sexual relationship.
By saying to him you only want a casual thing, when in actual fact you don’t know for certain how you’re going to feel three months down the line, you’re leaving yourself open for a potential heartbreak.
If you’re looking for a casual sexual partner, it has to be someone who barely enters your thoughts when he’s not around.

thecatsarecrazy · 15/09/2020 16:46

You will kick yourself as soon as you send. Delete his number and move on. He would have stayed in touch if he was interested

Willowmartha1 · 15/09/2020 16:53

Similar situation met a guy before lockdown we've had lots of dates since I've stayed over twice but haven't done the deed yet. He is half an hour away and it's hard for to commit as I'm a single mum with an ASD daughter. Since our meeting on Saturday his messages have dwindled too ! He usually messaged daily. Too scared to message in case he's had enough of me ! Like you I'm terrified of rejection.

Dery · 15/09/2020 17:08

Having learning this the hard way I will say that the bottom line is that a man who is interested will message and he will pursue. If messages are dwindling, it's because he just isn't that interested. Painful and disappointing, but there it is.

Dery · 15/09/2020 17:15

"I'm a massive feminist but have had to concede that most men LIKE THE THRILL OF THE CHASE. You've given him yourself on a plate, easy."

This, too. Including the feminist part.

category12 · 15/09/2020 18:08

I think you're fooling yourself saying you're happy for it just to be sexual, considering you have also said you can't stop thinking about him.

You think he got the impression that you wanted a serious thing and that's why he backed off, and now you're eager to prove you can do casual.

You're really fucking yourself over here.

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