@BlueThistles thank you so much for asking. I have had two telephone conversations with him since my original post, one last night and one this morning. Neither of them have made me feel any better about the situation.
I have told him exactly how I feel about his closeness to his ex, I stated that I'm not asking him to sever all ties with her, but that if our relationship is to progress any further their friendship needs to become less invasive to our relationship and more respectful of my time and feelings.
He just kept stating that she is 'just a friend' and that friends do favours for each other. He then brought up a time when the ex girlfriend's partner lent us a car for a function, he said 'it's what friends do, they help each other out!'. Just massively, and in my opinion, purposely, missing the point that this is about the inappropriateness of his (too) close friendship with this ex.
I told him that I'm at a point where I felt that I had to be 100% honest with him because for me, at two and a half years in to the relationship, it is time to either move forward and start making plans to be together, or to move on to pastures new. I told him that while he has this inappropriately close tie with his ex, we would not be able to move forward in any way.
I asked him to tell me what he wanted for us in the future, he said that he hoped that one day I'd go to live with him in the village that he lives in. I told him that that would never happen with things as they are between him and the ex. I said it's hard enough now when I'm not really affected by it day to day, but if I came to live with you and you were texting and calling every day, and going out for drinks together etc, that would be my idea of hell.
He didn't reassure me whatsoever, he offered no words of comfort, made no noises about changing any of it in any way. And when I told him that I feel like I'm just his friend too, due to the lack of any intimacy or physical touch, he didn't say anything. He didn't say "don't be silly, you're my girlfriend, I love you and fancy the arse off you", no, he just didn't say anything.
My self confidence and self worth have taken a huge battering with this. I have to end it now, sever all ties, delete and block etc, and move on to happier times. I have a grown up Son to focus on and two cats for company, I'll be fine, I have good friends and family around me, I'm very lucky in that respect.
Thank you for taking the time and caring enough to ask how I'm doing. Mumsnet can be a difficult place to open your heart but this particular thread has helped me so much, people have been so supportive and kind, and have helped me to make my final decision.
Take care, sending big love and hugs your way xx