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Original poster

Messaging

63 replies

noelle66 · 13/09/2020 10:26

Hi this might be a bit rambling but I'm quite upset. Please be kind as I'm very low. What would you all think if your husband was messaging another woman and deleting all messages? I caught him out by accident the first time . It was messages like "hi gorgeous xxxxx" now found another one this morning after he drunkenly left his phone charging all night that said"ok xxx let me know when you are homexxx". He tells me it's my fault he deletes them as I've told him I don't like it. We have been together since I was 15 and he was 21.

OP posts:
JaJaDingDong · 13/09/2020 10:29

I would think that he's having an affair.
Sorry x

Original poster
noelle66 · 13/09/2020 10:32

Thank you for the reply even if it is what I was dreading. I know really that that's what people will say but I've never had another relationship and I just feel so unsure of myself when he says he's not doing anything and it's my own fault he is deleting them.

OP posts:
GoldfishParade · 13/09/2020 10:33

He's cheating on you whether physically or emotionally or both

QuietSunday · 13/09/2020 10:33

We have been together since I was 15 and he was 21.

That's a bit concerning...

GoldfishParade · 13/09/2020 10:34

It is not your fault AT ALL. You should leave this man and experience what it's like to be with people who actually respect you and remain loyal. Also I believe a 21 year old going out with a 15 year old is quite disturbing.

Jakadaal · 13/09/2020 10:36

I'm sorry OP but he is cheating either emotionally and/or physically. Someone will come along soon with the full cheater's script but the start is minimising/denying what is happening and blaming it on you.

Just be aware that you may never get the full story.

Jakadaal · 13/09/2020 10:36

Should have added this is not your fault at all !!!

Original poster
noelle66 · 13/09/2020 10:39

Thank you. I know I sound pathetic but I've never known any different.

OP posts:
Florencex · 13/09/2020 10:42

He is cheating on you.

How old are you now by the way?

Original poster
noelle66 · 13/09/2020 10:42

I'm 35 he's 41

OP posts:
GoldfishParade · 13/09/2020 10:44

Woah! You have been with this man for 20 years!

So what do you reckon? How do you feel if you imagine a future where you're not together anymore? Obviously that will be a little scary as you've been together so long. But what do you think? Can you imagine it?

Original poster
noelle66 · 13/09/2020 10:47

It's a scary thought for me as we have been together for so long but being like this is making me feel like I'm going crazy. I started this thread to confirm to myself that other women would be ok with this.

OP posts:
Original poster
noelle66 · 13/09/2020 10:49

I should say for openness on this thread that I fancied him first but had zero experience with boys/men except a couple of kisses.

OP posts:
Original poster
noelle66 · 13/09/2020 10:52

Would not be ok with this that should read🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
GoldfishParade · 13/09/2020 10:53

Nobody here would be okay with this i don't think. He is disrespecting you. So what do you reckon you are going to do about it?

Original poster
noelle66 · 13/09/2020 10:57

I don't know. I've confronted him about it as he point blank lied about what the message said. I said I thought we had sorted things out and where good now(he went through a period of not having sex with me and being distant/sitting in another room/going out all the time) but I thought it was sorted. We went out on a date a slept together on Friday so thought we were good. He now says he doesn't know what he wants.

OP posts:
JaJaDingDong · 13/09/2020 10:58

What do you want?

Aquamarine1029 · 13/09/2020 11:01

Who cares what he wants. You should want a man who is faithful and treats you with respect. You've only got one life, op, don't waste it. Get out of there.

GoldfishParade · 13/09/2020 11:03

So "he went through a period of not having sex with me and being distant/sitting in another room/going out all the time", then he was found to be texting romantic things to some other woman and now he says he doesnt know what he wants.

From the outside it sounds like he has been having an affair and is now trying to awkwardly break up.

Original poster
noelle66 · 13/09/2020 11:04

I just want him to not message other women or if he does and it's innocent why delete it? I don't mind him having female friends but not be secretive and deleting the messages. He says it's because I don't trust him and would jump to conclusions that he deletes them. But we've been through this and he's still doing it so I just don't know anymore. I'm sorry I know I sound pathetic. I reads lots on Mumsnet and I know it's not ok but now it's me in this position I feel so unsure of myself

OP posts:
doopdeepduup · 13/09/2020 11:08

Sounds like he is gaslighting your tbh. It's ok to have opposite gender friendships and it is ok to delete messages, but to do it consistently, with one specific person AND to lie about it would set my spidery senses tingling.

Original poster
noelle66 · 13/09/2020 11:10

That's it,it has set my senses tingling but I don't know if I'm jumping to conclusions or over reacting.

OP posts:
CatSmith · 13/09/2020 11:16

He’s totally cheating. If it was innocent he’d have no need to delete the messages.

theworldhasfallenoutmybottom · 13/09/2020 12:05

I'd hit the fucking roof if my 15 year old was seeing a 21 year old

JaJaDingDong · 13/09/2020 13:56

I'd hit the fucking roof if my 15 year old was seeing a 21 year old

So would I. But in this case we're taking about something that happened 20 years ago.

Although there's no statute of limitation on rape, if the OP wanted to go down that route.

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