DH has no patience and anger issues

[Mammy45]

My dh is becoming really hard to live with. He's often moody and gives very little to the family emotionaly. He just works and relaxes. We have 1 ds 8. He has very little parenting to do as he leaves for work early and gets home around 6.
When he does do bedtimes or mornings he looses his temper so quickly. This morning he dragged ds out of bed because he was late for football training. Very rough and ds extremely distraught. I had to intermediate and calm the situation and ended up doing all the comforting of ds. Plus the getting him ready for training. I was and am traumatised. Im so worried how this impacts on ds. I am googling today is this abusive. Should we leave? Am i neglecting ds by allowing this kind of rough angry behavior of his father go unchecked. He looses it every few months and then most of the time is just low key grumpy. He has apologied and knows he was out of line but I've heard that before. I know if he roughly dragged me out of bed i would be gone so why should i accept that behaviour for an innocent child? But then i worry would the trauma of divorce be worse than the occasional parent loosing his temper. Would love to get some advice here. Our relationship is ok but his moods have made it very hard to enjoy time together. We just tick along with regular arguments about money and domestic stuff thrown in. Is this just marriage and family dynamics or something more serious?

@wowsaidtheowl thanks for adding some balance to this thread, and I'm glad your dh sought help and is getting there. I totally agree with your last line.

Shame the OP seems to have been scared off I really hope she comes back and is ok.

Sounds exactly like my DH, no great answers but you're not alone. It's not always as clear cut as some posters want to believe - clearly it's not healthy as is, but some families can come back from this, if there are underlying issues like unmedicated depression that can be addressed (if a mother had posted that she had dragged a late DC from a bed, people would be suggesting she get support but most would not be saying she needs a police call). There's also the issue that after a split he'll actually get more time alone with DCs, and that can feel really worrying.
However for any change, your DH needs to actually sees the issue, acknowledge his role and admit the need to change his behaviour. He needs to take action himself.

My DH hasn't, he's let me make some appointments but won't do counselling and won't make any first moves. I wish he would, or that new medication etc will make for a turn around to how he used to be, I want to save this - but ultimately that is up to him, and sounds like only your DH can save the situation for you too.

I'm doing what I can to try to fix things, but also now getting organised on the sad assumption that a magic turnaround is unlikely, in which case he cannot live in the same house as the DC.