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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think my date is cheating

79 replies

Waitinginthewings · 11/09/2020 07:19

I met someone on Tinder a few weeks ago. He lives over an hour away but seemed keen. We've only met once- had a brilliant date- but have chatted on phone, skyped daily. I like him a lot so far. He tells me he lives with his sister so we can't go to her house unless she's away. He has told me a complicated story that in effect gives him lots of reasons to cancel on me/ not be available. He says his best friend is very ill so sometimes he ends calls fairly abruptly when he needs him, does several late night evening activities. He's supposed to be visiting me at the weekend but keeps emphasising he needs to leave by 5 because he's going to stay at a friend's house. Apparently he stays at one friends house once a week and stays over...a male friend..says they just have a drunken night. He works in a 'respectable job' - something a bit like a headteacher. It all seems a bit odd to me. Obviously we've only just started dating so he can do what he likes but this doesn't sound right, does it? I'm not imaging it, am I? It does sound like there's someone else, doesn't it? I am starting to think sister might be his wife. But he does chat to me loudly every night and skype. Once someone knocked on his door- said it was his sister telling him to be quiet.
I went through some really hard stuff about a year ago- he has been through same. (That bits definitely true- its not something he could lie about). It's something quite rare. I think partly coz of this I feel a real connection to him. I don't want to lose him if he isn't cheating.

OP posts:
ALLIS0N · 11/09/2020 23:12

Wife and kids. She works back shift. There’s no sick friend.

londonscalling · 12/09/2020 13:09

He's probably saying he lives with his sister but it's really his wife!

BatshitCrazyWoman · 12/09/2020 16:39

@WiserOlder

Sister = wife

:-(

OP I did a bit of internet dating and if he doesn't ring you in the evenings it's a warning because most people get home from work and then feel/are free. Married/partnered up men will be the opposite, trying to arrange everything during the day and quiet at night.

Why be afraid of losing something that isn't right.

Reject him, tell him you're not on the same page you're not and then take your time.

Exactly this.
newnameforthis123 · 12/09/2020 20:20

To be honest, chatting so constantly and skyping all the time after a few weeks is a bit of a red flag.

I know sometimes it's the sign of a genuine connection but much more often it's a too much, too soon, faux intimacy that isn't something reality can live up to. So regardless of the cheating side of things I think it's worth backing off a bit and just resetting your own boundaries and expectations.

If you're having to give it this much headspace already... it probably isn't right. And can you really be arsed?!

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