Hi Gorgeous People,
I’d really appreciate advice from you all.
I’m currently taking a big step in my life, buying a house and moving away from my home town. The man I’ve been seeing the past two years is coming with (although I’m the owner of the house)
We have a gorgeous relationship and he’s kinder, lovelier than my past ex’s and we get along so well on so many levels. I could see myself marrying him and having kids, I’ve always wanted kids since I was one myself (always playing the mummy in the game’s at nursery, you know the score ;)) I know he wants marriage and kids too so I can see this all panning out very happily EXCEPT (and this is the head coming in over the heart now) he has 0 work ethic and hates all his jobs. He’s landed a job currently as a carer but hates it and goes on about how much he hates it but also is negative about every single other option that would suit his skill set. He’s been a chef, hated it. He’s been a hotel manager, hated it. He’s been a hollisitic therapist (this is what his degree is in) and hated it (!) and now he’s decided that he’d like to be a career gambler. This means that practically if I wanted to marry him I’d have to have a prenup so that I wouldn’t take on his debts (he already has credit card debt) and in the long run it would probably be me supporting the family fully as I don’t see him ever making a true income from gambling, as he thinks he will.
I’m keeping myself financially independent of it but it’s really hard emotionally because he bring all the stress and tension of loosing - as well as the highs of winning - to the house and I find it really hard not to soak up other people’s emotions and energy. Only last night he was really down and saying how hard it is but he feels he has no other option and it totally burst the great bubble I’d been in that day. I can’t have another conversation with him to suggest ideas for his future that doesn’t involve gambling “what about running a food truck?” “What about being an online dietary consultant” all met with No. I think the core issue is that he is from a long line of wealthy lawyers and had a trust fund basically until he was 35 and now he’s cut off from easy money and can’t handle having a low income job that is hard graft. I, on the other hand, had my first job at 14 and have worked really hard all my life to get to where I am and don’t mind a bit of graft considering I’m the first person in my family to ever go to uni, my dad couldn’t even read and write until the age of 12... so we’re very different in this respect.
Ok unloading done. What do you guys think !?
I’d go so far as to say he’s a soul mate in that we connect on so many things and he looks after me so well and makes me feel so loved and safe (I know he’d never cheat like my ex’s have) and we have so much fun and adventure together. But this work thing is a really big splinter in the foot of our relationship.
Do you think it could work ? Do you think in the age of modern women that I should accept that a man won’t be supporting the family financially and that I can do this myself as a strong fierce female !? Or do you think it spells trouble and that I shouldn’t consider bringing children into a relationship that is already financially unsteady !?
Thank you all for your advice xxxx