Partner unsure about children with me

[CatsCoffeeAndBooks]

I have always wanted children. This was clear to my partner when I met him. When I met him I also met his four year old daughter. Three years later we ended up in a situation where we were going to foster a one year old boy. We only spent ten days with him but we fell in love. After that time his father returned on the scene and took J to live with him five hours away. After a lot of heartache I asked my partner if we could try for our own and he went mad. He came up with all these excuses, that he has used in the before. “there is no rush!”, “It’s not the top of my list”.

I feel very strange about this situation. He planned to have his daughter with his last partner. He said if it came to it with the young boy he would look after him on his own. Am I right thinking that he’s slightly unsure about me?

I would leave. I would certainly stop patenting his child. He should look forward to parenting her himself

You've wasted enough of your youth on this selfish man. Dump and block.

Pretty simple to do really.

1.You change your locks when he's out.
2.You pack up his stuff and have it ready at the door.
3.You phone him and say 'I am not happy and I've decided that I need more from a relationship. Your stuff can be collected on Tues at 6pm. I will be blocking you on my phone as I do not want to speak to you further on the matter as my mind is made up.'
You block him from your phone and all SM accounts.

1. You go out, and have a friend/ neighbour at your place on Tues at 6pm to hand him all his stuff.

On Tues at 7pm, you have officially started a new chapter in your life, one where what you need/ want is top of your list.

Good luck

P.S Remember, you have spent YEARS with this man, you've helped him raise his DD, you have fostered a child with him...................

He knows you want to get married and have a baby, he doesn't, so he keeps saying not yet/ not sure/ not ready etc...............

Newsflash..................He never will be ready.................he doesn't want that

He just wants to keep you hanging cos it suits HIM, he doesn't actually give a flying fuck if you never have a baby/ get married, he just cares that HE doesn't have to.............

You're young, you need to be having fun and meeting someone who has the SAME goals as you, not someone who's already ''been there/ done that, so NOT doing it again''

"... he earns a lot more than I do but he is very funny with his money."
Why am I not surprised by this? It's another indicator of his basic selfishness and lack of commitment to you. What's yours is his, and what's his is his as well.

You lost your parents before you were 19, you're 27 now and been together 3 years, so since you were 24? To be blunt, I think you were very vulnerable and he took advantage of that. As Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd suggested, I think you'd benefit from some "counselling for bereavement and on getting better boundaries and self-esteem." You deserve a whole lot more than this loser.

I told him to leave a few weeks ago and he returned the next day, with his daughter to sort things out.

So he doesn't respect you and uses his daughter to worm his way back in.

Just two him the relationship isn't working for you any more and he needs to leave.

Then don't get involved with men who have kids... you're young enough not to accept the hassle that goes with it.

I'm so sorry you lost your parents op. Remember that they would have wanted to best for you and I imagine that they would be very proud of you right now .
27 years old , you're the prize , he most definitely is not .

It’s hard being without parents - I lost mine at a much older age than you OP and I still struggle with wanting to be settled and secure. Without your roots to ground you, you can feel very vulnerable and this man has taken advantage of that.

I hope you’re able to move on and meet someone who will gladly build the family life with you that you deserve.

OP you will meet someone worthy of you 🌺

Hi @CatsCoffeeAndBooks hope you're well and that he's gone already

It took longer than expected but, he is finally gone. Thank you for all your support. Now working on loving myself! Take care xx

I’m glad to see your update OP. Be kind to yourself

Well done you.

brilliant news OP .. I hope you are ok .. 🌺

at least now given time.. you can think about your future with someone who absolutely wants children. 🎉

@CatsCoffeeAndBooks Fantastic update!
Breakups are tough. I hope you are doing ok.
x