Man's rejection is ruining my life

[Froggytog]

I'm really struggling with the end of things with a guy I was dating last year and what he said is going round and round my head to point I have lost all faith in myself and am seriously worried I'm getting clinical depression over it.

Met online,dated for few months,he seemed keen.I then discovered he was in fact still married (but in process of a divorce) whereby he said he wasn't looking for a relationship, wasn't ready,seemed miserable with his situation and clearly not over ex. So I left him to it and said if he ever felt ready and I was still single to contact me. He didn't seem to want to let me go though and I suspect wanted to use me a shoulder to cry on /keep me on a string,which I was definitely not going to be so off I trotted although stupidly I hoped he'd come back when he had his head sorted as I really fell for him.

So over 6 months later on Christmas day he texted to let me know effectively that I was not his type of person and he wasn't interested and he hoped I could find a man that would like me.It was basically a fuck off text, unsolicited dumping, whatever you want to call it.I couldn't believe someone could do this-firstly over text and secondly on Xmas day, especially since I hadn't contacted him at all.

Thing is (and maybe I'm too sensitive) what he said is going round and round in my head and making me miserable. He basically lied when he said he didn't want a relationship and clearly he just didn't want one with me.Why he felt the need to text I don't get,and his text was so patronising and I am convinced there is some major defect in my personality or looks now.It's actually got to the point that this rejection is all I'm thinking about and ruining my life even though it was months ago.I've been rejected before and never had this reaction.I just can't see myself ever dating again and no man will like me.

I dunno what I'm looking for...just I guess has anyone been in a similar situation and dug there way out of the hole of misery and how?

I really liked him to but I guess he wasn't what he seemed.....

This wasn't about you. 6 months after your last contact with him, on Christmas Day, he sends a text to try and make you feel worthless- because he feels worthless. There was no need for the contact- you'd had none with him. That was meant to be a shitty text to make him feel better about himself. You have to try to let it go.

@Sarahlou63 Not that I can think of.I'd had a few changes that I had been working towards for years but all positive things and in fact just before I met him I'd been happier than I had been in a long time.Part of my frustration is that I can't figure out why the whole thing had such an impact. Never happened before with a guy and usually I take zero shit.With him it was like I had a personality transplant and I feel if I don't figure out why I'm at risk of it happening again!

@SD1978 rationally I know this and I was so sure I'd let it go....til now.

Anyway,boring everyone but it's doing me good to vent!

He wanted to hurt you because your rejecting him hurt him.

There was no need to send that message to you on Christmas of all days. His aim was to try and ruin your day.

That you are still hurting suggests you invested in him and wanted him to offer more than he could or would. Now is time to let that go with kindness to yourself.

You were right to leave when he couldn't give you what you wanted. That shows a real strength of character. Embrace that and know you are now free to be with someone that will treat you as you deserve to be.

I agree he is nasty and also immature. There is another out there, plenty of others, that will see you as a loving, deserving and wonderful woman. Hold your head high and believe it. Stop giving him headspace he clearly doesn't deserve