Should I get married

[Purplecatshopaholic]

Both divorced - bf wants to get married. I am not sure (he has been divorced for many years, me only recently). We are committed to each other, and very happy but I just am not sure what marriage would add? (Purely practically, I own my house - he rents his. I also earn more money. I have no kids, he does, defo none together). Those of you who got married after divorce, was it a good decision? What did your life/relationship together gain from it?

And I'd be happy for my dh to have thought the same.

Sorry, definitely not marry him...

In your position I wouldn't. From a financial perspective, I've been where you are and got married, twice! On both occasions I've ended up worse off, I've always been the sensible one, the one who saves and pays off mortgages etc. I've had to start again both times now, I'd never put myself in that position again.

If you've no kids then I don't really see the point.

The imbalance in finances might be an issue and some people will look at your situation and more than likely shout cocklodger in waiting..but turn that situation around..if it is woman on less than the man and he owns the property, people will say go for it.

PinkMonkeyBird, you're comparing apples and oranges. The standard advice on MN for a woman to marry is because she and her partner are planning on having children/her being a sahm/going pt. Being pregnant/having children comes with financial risks: taking maternity leave/going part time which impacts your earnings, career advancement and pension.

I wouldn’t, what’s the benefit to you?

In your exact position, there is no way I would get married. You have nothing to gain by marrying him and a LOT to lose/risk if you do. A hard no from me.

@GilbertMarkham

I couldn't agree more with you.Reminds me of my friends exH;she'd very recently brought her first property in her early 20's when she met her ex who was in his late 20's.He'd been separated from his exW for only a few months and had a toddler with her.He persuaded her to let him move in after a few months and she found herself being the de facto EOW.Of course the ex is a mean bitch according to him and he didn't understand why she'd ended it.

Roll on several years later;their married with 2 kids;she booted him out as he was a lazy selfish tit;when the kids came along he had no interest in parenting them or helping with the housework they created.She said she could now understand why his ex kicked him out.

Only a few months later he was seeing a woman;she owned her own home;he moved in really quickly with her and she's become the de facto parent EOW.When the kids started coming home when gently asked it became apparent new SM was bathing them,dressing them,feeding them,putting them to bed etc and dad was continuing to be a lazy turd;he's yet again found another woman to take care of his kids

How old are the children? Would you be prepared to have them live with you full time? Also, would you be prepared to have twenty-somethings live with you (during/after uni/whilst saving for a never-ending house deposit/ because Dad is still guilty he split with their mum and says yes to anything etc etc. )

How valuable is your personal space?

In your position (older, post-divorce, separate kids, no kids together ever) we did get married but it was a very emotional decision - we just wanted to be married (and realised it would be better for inheritance tax eventually). We did write wills and declarations of trust to protect our finances in case of a split.

Go with your gut.