dp has said he is going to leave unless I sort my depression out and im 6 mth pg

[wurlywoo]

Sorry to call on you all for help but dont know what else to do.

I have been depressed all my life and now is no exception.

My dp has tried to be supportive in the past, we have been together fore 2 years and have a baby on the way. I love him very very much. but I cant be happy about anything I am constantly depressed and so negative about every aspect of my life. I have been through a lot in the past and I cant let go of anything.

He has told me tonight after things have been realy strained between us for quite a while that if I dont sort myself out he is going to leave.

Part of me thinks he is being a bit selfish but I understand that he is fed up and he gets very angry with me for being so negative.

The thought of raising this baby on my own with no money fills me dread. I am not sure if I can do it. He says that me being like this isnt attractive at all, which explains his behaviour regarding being so distant from me.

I am hurting like hell but I dont know where to begin to get help. I cant afford proper psychological CBT counselling which is what I need but I feel like I am on a timebomb, as how long will it be before he leaves?

I feel very very low and verging suicidal.

Obviously I cant sleep and I am a bit of a mess at the moment but I guess admitting this is the first step.

Anyone have any suggestions, please before I do something stupid..

Really sorry about the thread.

wurlywoo, I was just on my way to bed but I didn;t want to let your post go unanswered.

Have you been to see your GP? and are you taking anyhting for the depression?

I had AND and now PND and it has been so so hard, but I'm coming out of the other side now, thanks to a really supportive healthcare team.

My DH actually marched me to the doctors and came in with me to make sure I told it how it was.....which was bloody awful.

You poor thing.

What a twat

He is suppose to be a loving and supportive partner...not cause more problems.

Do you have someone in RL to talk to ?

your DP obviously understands the nature of depression if he has given you support in the past. What has made him feel like this this time?

If you need someone to talk to now, here is the number for the Samaritans - 08457 90 90 90

your poor girl are you onb ad have you been to a gp i know you nsaid you were always depressed but did something trigger it in the begining

I've got to get to bed wirlywoo, I hope you are reading this and that you aren't thinking of doing anyhitng stupid. At my lowest point I felt like ending things, but after two years of TTC and 2 miscarriages I couldn't do that to my unborn baby.

Can you get CBT on the NHS in your area? My PCT are very supportive of mental illness and I got a referral to the neo-natal unit at the psychiatric hospital. I also have regualr visits from the mental health nurse who is assigned to the HV team.

Please make an appointment to see the doctor on Monday, or if you still feel awful in the morning, can you get to see the out of hours doctor? You don't need to do this alone you know.

wurlywoo, are you still there?

wurly?

it ight seem cruel but maybe he's right to push you a bit towards other help before your baby gets here...

i'd also suggest the gps on monday, some gps have counsellors attached to the surgery , others have links via psychology/psychiatry teams to therapists in the NHS, you shouldn't have to pay

wurly, I hope you're OK {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

I'll check in on you in the morning.

daisy xx

Thank u, yes I am still here, I am going to my gp on monday i need to combat this myself whether he stays or goes, I have been in denial for too long..

xXxamyxXx - yes there is a trigger I am deaf in both ears, have been since birth. I was bullies at school and had so many boyfriends mess me about cheating on me mainly that has destroyed my confidence. There has been a ton of other stuff too like problems with my family being the odd one out I was always the trouble maker getting into drugs and clubbing when I was younger. My dad and I have had a very strained relationship over the years and because of that I hate confrontation with anyone and I turn into a 5 year old child.

I hate myself so much for being like this and I feel so guilty for bringing a baby into this world and it makes me feel sick to think of what I am doing to my unborn baby.

Dont worry I wont do anything stupid but I do need to help myself somehow.

Thank you all of you.

I will let you know that i am ok in the morning, dont want you to worry.

I am going to try (ha!) to get some sleep now
x

goodnightx

dont be silly your in no way harming your baby you just need to get a bit of help which your going to do best of luck hun!

Can't think of anything v helpful but take care of you, go to docs, keep talking here Hope you had sleeeep

hmm, dunno if this will help or not, but try it anyway. Like somone else said i've also been depressed when pg (oops twice) think the rampaging hormones just tip u over that fine line between being able to pretend to be ok , and not coping with much of anything. Last year in the midst of my pnd my usually fab and understanding DH said he didn't feel like he knew me any more, and wanted the 'old me' back. This hurt! I realised that he wasn't really being selfish, i was giving him such hell that he was struggling too. hours upon hours of talking helped, because he had no idea what i felt like, and just got picked on with all of my unreasonableness. I had blamed him for all kinds of stuff, thrown tantrums and generally been losing the plot. it turned out that juggling my medication worked.

don't be afraid to get medical help, it might just lift the fog enough for you to work things out. And can u explain what u are thinking to DP? it doesn't have to make any sense, just babble! if he loves u - and i'm sure he does, he'll want to be there for you. Perhaps he's finding it all a bit worrying just now too?

(((Hugs))) you sound like you're having a very tough time wurly, but it sounds like you're ready to take the first step to getting help, well done.

Have you spoken to your friends or family about how you feel and what's going on with your partner? Is there anyone you can trust? I think it'd be a good idea to reach out for all the support you can and try to set up a network of people who can support you now and when the baby arrives. All new mamas need people to be there for them, and if you have mental health issues you need them doubly so (I speak from experience).

I'd also suggest talking to your midwife and GP about this, they should be able to hook you up with some counselling and support. I know you said your depression has been a lifelong problem, but you might want to take advantage of the support available for women with pre-natal depression as well as the other help they can provide you with.

I think it might be helpful to try not to project into the future too much about what situation you may or may not be in when the baby arrives, take each day as it comes. When you can't help but worry just remember that if nothing else your baby will have its mama and that's all babies really need.

Perhaps you and your partner could see a couples counsellor as well? Obviously, getting help for depression is not an overnight thing and some support for your relationship whilst you get help and through the early days with your little one seems sensible. That way your partner can be a part of the solution and you can feel supported. Relate have some subsidised places for counselling, you might want to enquire about these if you're a bit strapped.

Good luck and keep posting if you need the support.

diz x

Well I am still here, I didnt do anything stupid, got 2 hours sleep, dp wouldnt hug me or tell that he loved me he is to angry. This doesnt help my frame of mind.

Have just taken him to work and he just says that he is fed up of me being like this and cant put up with it anymore.. he has tried being supportive and encouraging but that didnt work either and I am still the same.

He says that we will talk tonight about where we go from here so I am going to be worried sick all day now wondering what's going to happen. plus I have a family do at 12 and I cant get out of that, I think I am going to have to tell my mum. I am going to the doctors tomorrow and ring my midwife. I am seeing my obstrician and neurologist very soon (I had 2 mini strokes last year)

Gigglewitch- yes that does help, what you have said. it is difficult to explain though to my dp as he gets too angry and has gone past the stage of trying to be a comfort because he is so fed up. i am not blaming him for anything because I am so wrapped up in my own negativity I just dont see the positive in anything!And I hate myself too much

I am not afraid to get medical help because I know that I need to I am just really scared that's all. I think he does love me but he cant be there for me anymore because he is so angry and frustrated at me being like this. I dont think the pregnancy hormones are helping and he doesnt relise this he thinks I am making it up because I am like this even before I was pg

dizietsma - thank you for your advice it really helped. I am going to have to admit this to my family so that they know what's going on I am worried though as it will make them dislike my dp and they aren't too keen on him at the moment anyway. I think the more people in my net work who know about this the better.

As I said before tomorrow is going to be the first day I take steps to start dealing with this. my only concern is I will feel like I am constantly being watched by dp and if I dont get better over a set period of time then he will go anyway. He has ran out of energy to encourgage me so I need to go elsewhere for support.

you are absolutely right about looking into the future too much I simply dont have the ability to let go and take each day as it comes.

DP would never consider couples counselling I have suggested this but he says the issue lies with me not him. I think in hindsight he is afraid of someone telling him that he isnt perfect and that some of the things he does are contributing to my condition.

Please keep talking to me it is really helping I just want to get through today, that will be an accomplishment in itself.

i cant help feeling that your dp is being a bit selfish and quick off the mark.how many weeks pregnant are you??? does he not realise that all the hormones in your body wont be doing anything to help you.pregnancy is a very stressful period of your life and you have your own fears of becoming a parent.i think its wrong of him to throw "sort yourself out or im leaving" at you when you have so much to deal with.

I agree with what you have said totally.. but his argument is that he has put up with this and so much more for 2 years. he is not the most patient of people, and as i say he has ran out of energy to be supportive.

I think the pgncy hormomones are making it so much more worse and I am struggling to come to terms with what will happen when the baby gets here. he just plods along like he doesnt have a care in the world..

I dont know what to do anymore and I feel like I have lost him anyway.

oh I am nearly 26 wks pg too

well can i just let you know that every woman has the same fears and anxieties about becoming a mother.it is obviously a life changing experience,it is perfectly normal.you need to make him realise that once you have this baby life is never going to be the same for the both of you.

WW, I've just read your thread and am shocked at your DP, this is the last thing you need trown at you right now.

He should be able to support you. I understand when you say it's not easy for him, but it is 10 times harder for you when you are the one suffering with depression AND being pg at the same time.

I cant say I can relate to you re the depression, but I can re your deafness. I am also deaf in both ears but I do have a degree of hearing. I SOOOOOOO know what it was like at school with the bullying. You begin to feel paranoid that people are talking about you, but you wont know cos you cant hear them!!!! Sounds daft I know but it's so very hard. It's hard to let it go, because it can stay so fresh in you mind. I left school 12 years ago now and I still remember it.

Just hoping you get the help you so desperatley need, if not from your DP but from your doc's.

TBH though WW, your DP needs to snap out of it, he needs to give you support and help throughout your time of getting better (Beacuse you will). Him issuing you with an ultimatum is not going to help matters.

Try not to worry about whats going to happen with you and DP tonight, just have some you time and try and relax.

((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

Poor you. I can see where your Hubby is coming from it must be incredibly hard for him to see the woman he loves so down when you should both be enjoying becoming a family.

But you really need some support. I was incredibly depressed when pg with my first and slightly with my second, dh was great but it left him drained and as much as he would like another baby he dreads the pg. You said your relationship with your father is strained, what about your mum?

You definately need to talk to your midwife as she can be invaluable support you need and they are there for you. She might be able to refer you to have some help (i was offered some so should be a routine thing?)

you sound like you are having a really tough time but the best thing you could do is talk about it. I found it worse when i sat at home and thought to much about it. I'd end up in tears all day.

Just think soon you'll have a gorgeous baby staring into your eyes and your life will change forever. It might not seem like it now but things really will work out for you. Try to focus on that and put past trauma behind you.

Remember your husband isn't one of those bullies and He's not one of the arseholes that cheated on you. He loves you so much- it might not seem like it now but He's hurting too. He married you for the amazing person you must be so try and embrace that.

I'm incredibly jealous person and it has taken alot for me recently to put things in my life aside and think "hey you know what forget about that Shit this is my life now its great and i should focus on now and future" and its working.

Sorry if i sound harsh, its just i needed someone to give me a good shake. Your pg hormones will definately make you feel worse though so don't be too hard on yourself.

I hope things look up for you. No doubt in time its taken me to type this i'm a hundred posts behind