dp has said he is going to leave unless I sort my depression out and im 6 mth pg

[wurlywoo]

Sorry to call on you all for help but dont know what else to do.

I have been depressed all my life and now is no exception.

My dp has tried to be supportive in the past, we have been together fore 2 years and have a baby on the way. I love him very very much. but I cant be happy about anything I am constantly depressed and so negative about every aspect of my life. I have been through a lot in the past and I cant let go of anything.

He has told me tonight after things have been realy strained between us for quite a while that if I dont sort myself out he is going to leave.

Part of me thinks he is being a bit selfish but I understand that he is fed up and he gets very angry with me for being so negative.

The thought of raising this baby on my own with no money fills me dread. I am not sure if I can do it. He says that me being like this isnt attractive at all, which explains his behaviour regarding being so distant from me.

I am hurting like hell but I dont know where to begin to get help. I cant afford proper psychological CBT counselling which is what I need but I feel like I am on a timebomb, as how long will it be before he leaves?

I feel very very low and verging suicidal.

Obviously I cant sleep and I am a bit of a mess at the moment but I guess admitting this is the first step.

Anyone have any suggestions, please before I do something stupid..

Really sorry about the thread.

have only read the first couple of posts but .... I feel that calling the poster's DH a twat is neither helpful, nor fair. She said her partner had been very supportive until now, that she had always suffered from depression, that she only ever sees the negative side of things. Now come on, that must be bloody hard for anyone to deal with day in, day out.

Constructive advice is brilliant, calling the guy a twat is just plain unhelpful and immature.

Wurlywoo, I really hope you get some help soon. It must be awful for you all living like this.

Wurly- 'Its hurting that he is so unhappy with me'
that's not what is going on sweetheart! My Dh ahd very severe depression that apart from a fluke would have cost him his life (failed suicide attempt).
Living with someone with depression is hard- not because of the negativity necessarily but becasue watching someone you love feeling so very low and being totally helpless is a horrible thing to endure. And whilst the depressed person tends to become introverted, a spuose or partner also often feels abandoned- and often then guilty for that- because they too have lost the one person they relied on. At its worst, when someone you love is really depressed, its a form of bereavement- espceiallya s some ill informed websites etc will tell you that its bound to recur. Its not of course, especailly as you are going to get the counselling you need to move forwards.

My heart goes out to you both- you because I ahev seen depression enough 9both my aprents also suffered) to understand its a horrid, awful condition; but also to your DH who is probably feeling very lonely and scared at the moment.

It sounds as if you do have something there- for us it was the brief moments of togetherness that kept us together- and Dh was ill for a long time, couldn't work for 3 months, then employed briefly and again for six months. he's been in this job 4 years though, and as longa s I keep an eye on him and call him in sick when he starts to get low (one night off better for both him and work than a month!), then he manages to keep well.

Lots of hugs X

Oh- not for a moment did i think Dh didn't love me. even when he was running away from me in tears and I was on here scared he was dead (seems a lifetime ago) or calling the police on one occasiona s he called to say he was going to die.... I never doubted he loved me. I knew he was in the grip of a cruel illness and he couldn't see further than that, and the pain.

sorry haven't been in for a bit, hope this week is the new start u needed - doesn't it seem like a long time since saturday night? have taken a quick look at your newest couple of posts. wonder if DH is trying to show he loves you, fancies you, wants to support you and everything, just can't figure out how to put it in words (?that man thing?). Maybe not the time for trying to read into it? obviously don't know him or you so it's just a guess from the distance, only you really can tell.

keep the positive stuff going when you can, and don't stress when you can't cos we all have setbacks. lots. enjoy while the going's good.

Hi Wurly, glad to hear that your DH is showing you some attention again. Like Gigglewitch said maybe it's a man thing, They are very complex creatures LOL.

You seem to sound a bit better in yourself, and are taking all the positive steps to help yourself.
How excelent that you can have free counselling sessions with your work, and good on you for aranging to get them. I can imagine that was hard, you know taking the first step, and all.

Take care and remember to keep posting, MN is a great source of comfort and understanding when you need the support.

xx

PeachyFleshCrawlingWithBugs -
Yes, i know that it must be hard for him to be with someone like this i can totally understand how drained he must be.

It's just difficult because he doesnt understand, he was really annoyed at me for something last night and wouldn't let it go or acceot my apology and I spent an hour crying like a baby and fell straight back into my black hole where all I wanted to do was die because I hated myself so much, I tried not to let him hear because he doesnt care anymore.

I am just biding my time till I see my consultant on friday. I think my need for help has become more urgent.

Sorry feel terrible today just despise myself for making his life a misery.

Oxocube - yes it may not be constructive calling him a twat but to be fair i'm 6 mths pg and the blunt/nasty way he gave me this ultimatum was simply horrible and he is being generally nasty in his attutude and the way he speaks to me which makes me feel like he doesnt love me anymore when he speaks to me like that.

gigglewitch - yes think that does explain the sex, i ruined it last night though by annoying him about being on the internet for so long when I had a go at him for doing that a few weeks ago, he called me a hypocrite but I didnt think he was bothered that I was on the net as he was watching tv so he is pissed off with me big time, wont speak to me now, he really holds grudges for things.

GoodGollyMissMolly - yes agree with the man complexity thing they really are from Mars aren't they?! Totally diferent way of thinking to us.. i am seeing my consultant on Friday and I am going to have to come clean that my depression is really bad and i need help, its so frustrating as I seem to be like a yo yo ok one day and really bad the next.

Yes I will defo keep posting it has already provided me with a huge source of comfort. it's usually me who gives advice to other people, feel a bit feeble actually!

'to be with someone like this i can totally understand how drained he must be. '

You are NOT 'someone like this'! You are a valid eprson who happens to have a condition that will in all likel;ihood be gone soon!

It is hard perhaps for him to be with the depression- not YOU! YOU are not the illness, thats just a small part of your life that is temporary! I realise its hard to see beyond the depression, but look on it as a pair of blue tinted specs- right now while you have them on they colour everything you see including your self view; but take them off and everything is still there- just without the screen of depression. IYKWIM? You can only see yourself and your relationship atm through the illness; so its not a true picture. You are a wonderful person who is to be valued.

Wurly, sorry to hear that you are not feeling so good today. How awful for you at the moment, I'm sure your Dh loves you to pieces but him holding a grudge and not talking to you isn't gonna help matters.

I completely agree with Peachy on this, the depression is just a small part of you, it is an illness which can be dealt with. You need his support.
God it must be so hard for you being pg and having all this happen. My heart really goes out to you.

Feel safe in the knowledge that you have taken those first very important steps to getting some help for yourself. I'm sure it wasn't easy for you to see that you need the help of counselling. You are doing all you can to get this illness under control, your DH should be doing all he can to support you in this.

Sending you lots of (((((((HUGS)))))))))

I hope you are feeling better and brighter very soon.

xx

peachy and missmolly summed it up, didnt they.
I go through patches of being up and down like a yo-yo too, i think it's just how this depression thing goes. I spent ages trying to figure out reasons for it, as you do when you're feeling bad - but i really dont think there are any. Spending ages analysing it was me finding yet another way to bash myself over it, but again chickens and eggs come to mind and it's so hard to stop it long enough to begin to 'even yourself out' IYKWIM (and u prob do).
I too have huge double standards, just like the example u mentioned, grumble at him for being on the computer all night, and then do just that another night myself - and again he's wrong for complaining at me... poor bggrs can't get anything right can they? Presumably they love us enough to put up with it
Hang in there, and i'll remind you again you're doing well for somebody in a big fog with a tiny torch
chin up girl.

i felt like you a few years back - still do sometimes - and i found some great books that helped me so why not have a browse in teh book shop/library?

some of the points i remember are:

1. your partner is not your therapist. they will not know how to handle your depression nor should you expect them to fix you

2. the more you think about depression the more you can dwell on it and the more important it becomes in your life - sometimes distractions work well - being busy, doing exercise (endorphins), hobbies, eating well, having fun

those are the ideas that stayed with me but you may find other things to help you