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Original poster

Size 12 but bf finds me unattractive

59 replies

Hellokitty198 · 07/09/2020 10:27

He won’t touch me sexually. He says he loves who I am and I have a nice face but the excess fat and untoned area on my stomach puts him off having sex with me. I was a size 10 when we met.

Yet I can’t walk down the street without (very much unwanted) male attention. I don’t want to brag but I’ve been told how beautiful I am by both men and women. I’m not so horrendous for my boyfriend not to want to have sex with me. I look after myself but the past six months it’s been hard to be as active as I was before.

He’s broken up with women before for physical attributes so I know it’s not personal and the issue is with him. It still hurts though. Not sure why I am posting - for support I suppose.

I say bf - I’ve dumped him. So he’s an ex now. Even if when I tone up again, I’m sure he’ll find something else to fixate on instead. And lord knows how he’d react after having babies.

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 07/09/2020 10:28

If you've dumped him, don't dwell. The issue is with him.

PersephonePromotesEquanimity · 07/09/2020 10:30

Well, yes ... Was going to say someone who doesn't find you attractive by definition is not your boyfriend - so, good thing you've dumped him.

Now forget him.

WishICouldThinkOfAGoodName · 07/09/2020 10:30

He’s a knob, you’re well rid.

HoppingPavlova · 07/09/2020 10:31

Not that it matters but doubt he is Brad Pitt either!

Jamhandprints · 07/09/2020 10:31

He sounds awful. You are better than that. Its good that you know how beautiful you are. If he cant see it he wont find beauty in anything. Sad life for him. Happy future for you.

Original poster
Hellokitty198 · 07/09/2020 10:33

Not that it matters but doubt he is Brad Pitt either! No of course not! 😃 And he used to be quite overweight. I’m still within a healthy BMI.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hellokitty198 · 07/09/2020 10:35

Jamhandprints absolutely - imagine being that focused on looks. How superficial.

OP posts:
growinggreyer · 07/09/2020 10:35

Does he think that he can find a woman who will remain forever 22 years old and a size 10? Wish him good luck with that and send him on his way.

Original poster
Hellokitty198 · 07/09/2020 10:36

growinggreyer Exactly 🙄

OP posts:
Cam2020 · 07/09/2020 10:36

He sounds extremely shallow, it's not you.

Yet I can’t walk down the street without (very much unwanted) male attention. I don’t want to brag but I’ve been told how beautiful I am by both men and women.

How very odd! Most people would not find it acceptable to approach complete strangers and tell them this! Creepy!

TwentyViginti · 07/09/2020 10:37

He's a woman hater. Totally fucked up.

Julie879 · 07/09/2020 10:38

I am someone who is size 16 and it her 40s. I would consider myself okay looking but nothing special and my husband wants to have a lot of sex with me and gives me compliments me fairly regularly.

I would tell you that you have did absolutely the right thing in ending that relationship. Being desired and appreciated by your partner is important, I wouldn't tolerate being critisised for my size unless it was because of health reasons, and you certainly shouldn't.

Well done in knowing your value and ending that relationship.

XiCi · 07/09/2020 10:38

Lucky escape OP

IlovecatsyesIdo · 07/09/2020 10:39

What an arsehole! You are well rid. As you say it’s him who has the problem not you. Maybe he has his own insecurities and issues and that’s why he criticised you because it made him feel better about himself. Whatever the reason was he was in the wrong.
Forget about him and move onwards and upwards.

sweetbirdofjuice · 07/09/2020 10:40

Flowers how hurtful but he's gone now and you don't have to put up with his unkind comments anymore. The issue is his. When I was younger (and slimmer) a boyfriend used to say horrible things about my body and size and he's done it with every girlfriend since, including his very slim, beautiful and sweet recent ex. It was learned behaviour, his father treated women like shit. I don't know why your ex was like that but please try not to dwell on his actions and words, it's all him.

Sounds like the whole world can see what he couldn't and I hope you meet someone who appreciates you.

Original poster
Hellokitty198 · 07/09/2020 10:41

If I were seriously overweight, I might understand but I’m someone who used to go to the gym 4 times a week so I’m not that out of shape. Just piled on some weight which will go when I start up again.

All his friends thought he was punching with me.

If I knew it was just the weight thing, fair enough, but he’s dumped women for having too many wrinkles around their eyes Confused

OP posts:
qwertypie · 07/09/2020 10:43

Sounds like a total d*ck.

Many men seem to think it's a woman's job to live up to their ideals of physical perfection. It isn't.

In my teens and 20s, as a thin young woman with curves, I was told by boyfriends that my thighs were too big, my boobs weren't perky enough, and that I didn't shave enough.

These comments hurt at the time and I BELIEVED them. It took me years to realise that these men (boys?) are, for various reasons, under the impression that women owe them perfection. Which is of course a load of BS.

It's not you, it's him...

dontgobaconmyheart · 07/09/2020 10:46

It's misogynistic nonsense and you're well rid OP. He looks to women to plug his insecurities and deep seated pathetic notions about what we are for. I'd pity him rather than mourn the lack of his approval or focus on validation from how attractive other men find you. That isn't a measure of anything other than the patriarchy being alive and well.

He saw you as something that existed to please him. You've done the right thing and frankly I'd focus on forgetting anything he's ever said. Why listen to something from a person who thinks such utter nonsense that puts you below him. (You aren't).

Don't go back!

Original poster
Hellokitty198 · 07/09/2020 10:47

He was a virgin until his 30s so I wonder if he has developed unrealistic expectations of women’s bodies due to excessive porn use which he relied on during his 20s.

He’s an attractive man so could have had plenty of sex. He’s on some medication which has caused erectile dysfunction.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hellokitty198 · 07/09/2020 10:49

I’d pity him rather than mourn the lack of his approval or focus on validation from how attractive other men find you.

I do pity him yeah - he’s going to end up very alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hellokitty198 · 07/09/2020 10:49

Thank you all for your support Flowers

OP posts:
Craftycorvid · 07/09/2020 10:49

Well, you’ve just rid yourself of a large mass of excess flesh, OP. Good call! Wish the shallow twat well in his search for perfection and get on with your life.

sunshineandshowers21 · 07/09/2020 10:49

i wouldn’t ever have dated a man who i know had dumped women in the past over their appearance in the first place... but it’s over, so just forget it. there’s no point dwelling on it. he sounds like a superficial twat anyway. the kind that’s still chasing around after young girls when he’s fat and middle aged 🙄

sweetbirdofjuice · 07/09/2020 10:51

Total, total conjecture here but I've just thought: if he's constantly dumping women for perfectly normal physical attributes, and makes excuses to avoid sex, do you think there's a chance he might not actually find women sexually attractive, rather than just having a very narrow 'type'?

eaglejulesk · 07/09/2020 10:53

Forget him - honestly, he isn't worth another second of your time.

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