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Original poster

Size 12 but bf finds me unattractive

59 replies

Hellokitty198 · 07/09/2020 10:27

He won’t touch me sexually. He says he loves who I am and I have a nice face but the excess fat and untoned area on my stomach puts him off having sex with me. I was a size 10 when we met.

Yet I can’t walk down the street without (very much unwanted) male attention. I don’t want to brag but I’ve been told how beautiful I am by both men and women. I’m not so horrendous for my boyfriend not to want to have sex with me. I look after myself but the past six months it’s been hard to be as active as I was before.

He’s broken up with women before for physical attributes so I know it’s not personal and the issue is with him. It still hurts though. Not sure why I am posting - for support I suppose.

I say bf - I’ve dumped him. So he’s an ex now. Even if when I tone up again, I’m sure he’ll find something else to fixate on instead. And lord knows how he’d react after having babies.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hellokitty198 · 07/09/2020 10:53

sweetbirdofjuice yes that has crossed my mind.

OP posts:
troublingtimes · 07/09/2020 10:54

He’s going to keep dumping women due to appearances and have to keep dating younger women. He’s an absolute prick. You are well rid. You can’t build a life with someone like him. Pity the poor woman who has kids with him. Who the hell does he think he is!!

Regularsizedrudy · 07/09/2020 10:55

He has issues. He’ll never be happy with that attitude. Don’t give him the head space

anonacatchat · 07/09/2020 10:56

Sounds like an ex of mine .. happy to chat . We broke up

troublingtimes · 07/09/2020 10:57

You should also do some work on yourself OP. Why did you date somebody you knew had dumped people like that? You have to have boundaries. Would you date somebody who had a domestic violence conviction? Don’t date people who have treated other women badly. It’s dating 101. You find out what’s happened in the past and judge them accordingly. Have higher standards.

TwentyViginti · 07/09/2020 10:57

He may be using these 'imperfections' as an excuse for his ED, to avoid sex he can't actually have. Easier to 'blame' the woman.

Anyway, whatever the reason, you're well shot of him.

Teal99 · 07/09/2020 11:03

If he was a virgin until his 30s, perhaps he just wants to play the field rather than settle down, making up for lost time. He sounds very immature, a bit weird, and you are well rid.

IJustWantSomeBees · 07/09/2020 11:06

Sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders! I decided at the beginning of the year to simply stop taking any BS from guys I'm dating. It has been absolutely liberating and my confidence has shot through the roof.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/09/2020 11:26

If people stop you in the street I’m sure you won’t struggle to find a replacement. Lucky you Grin

PlinkPlink · 07/09/2020 11:27

Lucky escape there i think!!

Genuine loving relationships tend to see past a little weight gain.

OH and I have piled on the pounds recently...baby no.2, stress and lockdown. So, I'm about 35lbs overweight and OH is about 40lbs overweight too.

Still want to have sex. Still think he's the most gorgeous man on the planet. He still wants me and thinks I'm beautiful.

Because the relationship has more attraction involved than just superficial aesthetics.

Go find yourself a man worthy of you goddess like beauty 😉 Don't compromise. Ever.

GilbertMarkham · 07/09/2020 11:28

He sounds like the short guy in "Shallow gal".

Fwiw, as other posters have already touched on, the guys I've heard of who liked skinny women .. turned out to be gay.

12 is not big.

As to not being gym bunny svelte - is he six packed perfection himself?

GilbertMarkham · 07/09/2020 11:29

*shallow hal

Flapjak · 07/09/2020 11:30

Well you rid yourself of an emotional parasite there, men like that should have a government health warning stamped on them. Pity his next victim. You have had a lucky escape

SoulofanAggron · 07/09/2020 11:37

As PP's have said being that picky about women's appearance is camp.

What a wanker. You could never relax with him as a partner unless you put on a few lbs (most people do now and again) or get the wrong wrinkle (inevitable.)

There is some reason he stayed a virgin until his 30s.

Also he has ED.

Well done for dumping this man, who has such a lot going for him. You've done th right thing. xx

dottiedodah · 07/09/2020 11:52

Well Done for DTA (Ditching The Asshole!)Look forward and be glad you have had a lucky escape .Men like this are just not worth your time .They get off on telling you you are fat/not the right shape and so on! You are a great shape ,how on earth is size 12 fat? But even if you werent he has no right to judge women ! Let this one go by !

nosswith · 07/09/2020 12:12

If there was a register of such men for women to avoid, he should be on it.

Original poster
Hellokitty198 · 07/09/2020 12:16

Thanks for all your support Flowers

I did love him and we started talking about babies and marriage so I became invested. It’s all quite raw, and I have up and down moments. Just gotta take each day as it comes.

I’m pushing on mid 30s so can’t leave it too late before I need to start dating again.

OP posts:
New2thismumthing · 07/09/2020 12:17

@Hellokitty198

If I were seriously overweight, I might understand but I’m someone who used to go to the gym 4 times a week so I’m not that out of shape. Just piled on some weight which will go when I start up again.

All his friends thought he was punching with me.

If I knew it was just the weight thing, fair enough, but he’s dumped women for having too many wrinkles around their eyes Confused

If I was seriously overweight I might understand -

There's nothing wrong with people being overweight (obviously as long as they have no health issues affecting them) - if you found the right man who loved you for you then you wouldn't need to worry about that 🤷‍♀️. He sounds like a tossed.

New2thismumthing · 07/09/2020 12:17

Tosser*

Original poster
Hellokitty198 · 07/09/2020 12:17

If there was a register of such men for women to avoid, he should be on it.

I would pay for such a register / service!

OP posts:
KnitFastDieWarm · 07/09/2020 12:19

I knew it would be porn as soon as I read your first post.

What a sad little man, you’re well rid. He clearly has an entire wheelbarrow full of emotional and sexual baggage that you are much better off not dealing with Grin

LorW · 07/09/2020 14:43

You deserve better than that anyways!
Like wow...what a knob. You will find somebody who loves you for you 😁

Lurcherloves · 07/09/2020 20:04

He sounds really shallow tbh. When you’ve been with someone for years the love is more than appearance, it is for me with my DH anyway.

Elieza · 07/09/2020 20:51

Yup porn has messed him up.
And ED. Easier to blame your body than his own for erectile probs.

I had an ex who said I was fat and no longer sexually attractive.

He’s ended up with a lovely woman who is way larger than I was at the time.

So what he says is just an excuse.

It’s not you it’s him.

Lindy2 · 07/09/2020 20:56

Well done for realising he's not worth the bother and dumping him. Could you imagine how miserable life with someone who is so obsessed about perfect physical appearance would be.

Find someone worthwhile to spend your time with.

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