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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Got stood up today

62 replies

anotherdisaster · 06/09/2020 15:35

I thought I had experiences all the weirdness men had to offer but today I actually got stood up for the first time. Not looking for advice, just to vent I suppose. Met online, he wasn't even really my type but he seemed genuinely nice. We arranged to meet up fairly quickly (on Friday) for this afternoon. He was sending messages every day but not OTT.
Even got one this morning "Happy Date Day". Then he asks to change the time out of the blue with no explanation. I saw it was a little bit awkward so he offered an alternative. Just after I had left, he messaged to say he was running late as still had his daughter with him. But, no indication of how long. I replied saying not to worry I would just walk the dog round the park.
I waited half and hour then left. Not heard from him since.
I'm at a loss to explain this behaviour. I've blocked him now as I don't want to be sat waiting to hear from him with his excuse (which I probably wouldn't anyway).
Even though I know I've dodged a bullet, still made me feel crap.

OP posts:
LookAtTheCahhOlivahhhhh · 06/09/2020 15:57

Oh no. I do wonder if some men set up dates as an ego boost, just to show that they can if they want to.

alfrew · 06/09/2020 16:12

I'm hearing this happens a lot now. Perhaps these men have got a competition going to see who can stand up the most women.

I bet he was really grim anyway OP.

Original poster
anotherdisaster · 06/09/2020 16:14

The irony is I nearly didn't reply as I didn't really fancy him but he had a nice 'genuine' profile. Ha.
I blocked him on whatsapp but when I went to block him on POF, he appears to have deleted his account.
Really beggars belief what people get out of doing that.
I have another date on Tuesday night and I'm now worrying about that!

OP posts:
Liverpoolarefab · 06/09/2020 21:17

I sympathise op - it's shit !!! I've been stood up too - waited in a quiet pub for over an hour for a guy - all dressed up in a new outfit I'd bought especially . The experience made me feel totally crap. But his loss and this guys loss too - look forward to your date on Tuesday ! Good luck x

Sososad1 · 06/09/2020 21:36

Sorry to hear this. I had a date cancel me on Friday because ‘his mother wanted to see him’. I think that was a lie to be honest.

Cherrygirl3 · 06/09/2020 21:41

Deleted his POF account eh? Maybe his dp caught him out? Hmm

GilbertMarkham · 06/09/2020 22:18

Could be any number of things but sometimes it's anxiety and pessimism.

Still not worth wasting your time on them though.

GilbertMarkham · 06/09/2020 22:20

Also sometimes people slyly check out the other person to see how they compare to photos etc and fuck off if they think they're less attractive (or even occasionally if they think they are more attractive and out of their league).

onemorerose · 06/09/2020 22:29

I’m glad you’ve a date on Tuesday, get right back into it. I’ve had similar done to me, it’s not nice and they are clearly not nice people. Bullet dodged!

Original poster
anotherdisaster · 07/09/2020 08:17

Thanks everyone. I'm also sorry to those who have been through this too. @Liverpoolarefab that must have been a horrible experience, there really is no excuse for doing that to anyone.
@Cherrygirl3 I hadn't thought of that actually. I don't suppose it matter now.
He has some Youtube videos of his music so, like a child, I logged in using a fake account and disliked every single one.

OP posts:
Inthebleakmidwinteriwouldsing · 07/09/2020 08:21

He has some Youtube videos of his music so, like a child, I logged in using a fake account and disliked every single one.

I must be extremely immature because that made me laugh Grin. Serves him right.

GreyShadow · 07/09/2020 08:25

He has some Youtube videos of his music so, like a child, I logged in using a fake account and disliked every single one.

OMG am I so wrong to laugh at this!!

Yeah I've had loads of dates cancel last minute but never actually been stood up. Feel for yeah OP. Wankers.

Did you speak to him on the phone?

Original poster
anotherdisaster · 07/09/2020 08:29

@GreyShadow no laugh away. I know its childish but he gave me the impression he takes him music seriously so he won't like that.

I've also had loads of dates cancel last minute, with crap excuses and then never heard from them again. At least they had the decency to cancel though!

No we never spoke on the phone. We only started chatting on Friday so it all happened fairly quickly.

OP posts:
Requinblanc · 07/09/2020 08:32

I would see this as a lucky escape...better to realise this guy is a loser now than to waste a few weeks dating him only to come to the same conclusion!

Usually guys who do this enjoy messing women around for an ego boost or they misrepresented themselves (not single, much older, used someone else's picture...) in the first place, so meeting is never an option because their profile was a lie...

GreyShadow · 07/09/2020 08:40

Ooooo I do want you to give me the link so I can dislike too!!

I stood up a date once. There's a thread on here about it. It was a "live" thread.

I had a sneaky feeling my bag was doing the dirty then found his profile on POF, so arranged a date!!

I came on mumsnet to see how long I could keep him waiting. If I'd been a bit more organised I'd have got some local MNettersmto to walk passed him.

It was a lovely revenge and to this day don't think he knows it was me.

Obviously I dumped him. Just in case you were wondering.

GreyShadow · 07/09/2020 08:40

My bag???? My BF!!

TheProvincialLady · 07/09/2020 08:40

Make a few rules for yourself.

  1. Don’t ever agree to change the time or location of a date within 24-48 hours of the original plan, unless you have had a few dates with someone.
  2. Don’t wait longer than 15 minutes max for anyone.
  3. Block anyone who dicks you about or keeps you waiting. Don’t tell them and don’t wait for their explanation, just do it.
  4. Dislike the music videos of anyone who pisses you off. I like that.
Malikka · 07/09/2020 08:51

I was stood up once - it was all a bit bizarre, we were meeting at a local bar, he text me to say he was there, I replied saying I was a few minutes away (he was slightly early, I was due to get there about 2-3 mins late). My bus got caught in traffic so when I actually got there I was 5 mins late (and probably 8 mins after the appointed time). I text and said "Am here, have you grabbed a seat?'

And he replied and said he'd had to leave on some urgent business.

Obviously I'll never know whether he did have to leave (unlikely), was never actually there and was some incel who got a kick out of arranging to meet women at places without actually turning up himself (possible), or was there and because he either didn't like the look of me, realised he knew me from somewhere, or had been caught out by a wife or partner, did a runner (probable).

He did send a half hearted apology about 3 hours later claiming his dad was ill, but I can tell BS when I hear it so told him where to go. Helped I already had another date lined up with someone else for the following day. And ultimately it worked out well because that other date was with my now DP; if I'd had a reasonable date with the one who stood me up I probably would have cancelled and missed out on the best relationship of my life - so in a roundabout way he did me a favour!

There is better to come OP - and disliking his music on Youtube is an excellent tactic in the meantime :)

GinisLife · 07/09/2020 08:56

I got stood up by a guy off PoF. Also messaged on the day and seemed all was good. Never showed up. Cheeky bugger messaged me months later and had no idea who I was until I asked him if he was the same guy who'd stood me up. Blocked me !! 😂😂.

Derekhello · 07/09/2020 09:23

“He has some Youtube videos of his music so, like a child, I logged in using a fake account and disliked every single one“

Brilliant revenge I love this 😂

Original poster
anotherdisaster · 07/09/2020 09:27

@GreyShadow I shall pm you a link so feel free to unlike at your leisure haha. I don't want to publicly post on here. And OMG I can't believe your ex - what an amazing revenge story though. Love it!!
@TheProvincialLady yes these are all good. Stupidly, when he first asked to change the time I became rather suspicious and nearly cancelled as I didn't like the fact he was messing me around so close to the date. I will definitely listen to my instincts from now on.
@Malikka god how utterly bizarre!! If I showed up to a date and saw my date and decided I didn't fancy them, I would still politely stay for a drink and then make my excuses. But, like you say he may not even have been there. So pleased to hear it all worked out in the end for you though.
@GinisLife wow, the utter audacity of that. It goes to show he probably messaged that many women he lost track of them. It actually infuriates me when they get the blocking in first. Childish I know but it just rubs salt in the wound.

OP posts:
VesperLynne · 07/09/2020 09:50

Being stood-up isn't unique to men alho he did say he was still with his daughter so it could have been a family issue, which of course is his priority.

CockCarousel · 07/09/2020 10:04

It reads as if he had no intention of actually attending the date OP, with all the faffing and re-arranging times. Some men get off on the idea of a woman putting herself out and knowing that she's waiting.

Grin at disliking his music bet it was shit anyway

Original poster
anotherdisaster · 07/09/2020 10:07

@VesperLynne well I mean yes it could have been a family issue but not entirely sure how that would prevent a simple message! And then to remove his profile etc points more to him being a d*ckhead.

OP posts:
Hiccupiscal · 07/09/2020 10:17

You've just reminded me of my dating days, Pof again!!!
I got talking to a tree surgeon, we chatted none stop, arranged a date, and as I was getting ready - boom - date disappeared of the face of the earth.

Blocked me, no further contact. Funnily enough he was on Facebook? My friend found him.
It was all really bizarre.

I think i might have messaged him, or got a friend to do it? Now in my MN wisdom I would never chase someone like that! Well done to you op, for going straight in for the block... and good luck on your next date!!! I think your admirable for not letting this shitty experience get you down.

To this day I have no idea what happened to him, it was soon forgotten though, it was only reading this thread that reminded me!